I am reading MISTAKES WERE MADE (BUT NOT BY ME)- WHY WE JUSTIFY FOOLISH
BELIEFS, BAD DECISIONS, AND HURTFUL ACTS. It came highly recommended
by Blondie. Anyway, I have already tried to learn alot about cognitive dissonance.
If you aren't familiar with it:
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term which describes the uncomfortable tension that comes
from holding two conflicting thoughts at the same time, or from engaging in behavior that conflicts with one's
beliefs. More precisely, it is the perception of incompatibility between two cognitions, where "cognition" is
defined as any element of knowledge, including attitude, emotion, belief, or behavior. The theory of cognitive
dissonance states that contradicting cognitions serve as a driving force that compels the mind to acquire or
invent new thoughts or beliefs, or to modify existing beliefs, so as to reduce the amount of dissonance (conflict)
between cognitions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
I am convinced that this is the biggest factor in staying a JW, and is a huge factor in becoming one.
This dissonance had a hold on me. I am not immune, but given enough time, I am always able to
admit my mistakes and try to correct them.
As a young student of JW literature, I knew my ways were wrong, and they knew their ways were right.
I succumbed like many others would and did.
On p. 21, "frugal unflashy Nick" trades in his Honda Civic for a loaded Mercedes. He then begins to
justify his decision. He "needs" a safer car. It's worth the extra money. He deserves this for his
years of hard work. The worse his financial situation, the more he will justify it. The authors then say
that whenever you are about to make a big purchase or a huge decision, don't ask someone who has
just done it. They will say "It was the best thing I ever did." to justify their decision. People aren't
inclined to say "I am sorry I spent 12 years in therapy with that doctor, and spent thousands on it. Don't
make the same mistake I made." They are much more likely to say "The doc helped me, he can help
you."
Looking back, that wasn't me at all. I will justify myself in many instances, but I look for my errors.
Even at the beginning, I knew "my ways were wrong." I was used to admitting mistakes and apologizing.
I learned that an apology can smooth things over better than a justification of actions.
A colleague recently asked about the SUV I bought. He asked if the 4x4 and the running boards were
worth the extra money. Most people would say "It's more of a truck with them." That's why I got them.
Instead, I said "I thought I wanted more of a truck, but I never needed the 4x4, and only used it a couple
of times. The running boards hold dirt and you need to step on them or else stepping over them gets
your pants dirty. I would get the front-wheel drive w/o the extras if I could do it again."
I was a reluctant acceptor of doctrine. I argued with my elder teacher about points, but eventually was
won over by cognitive dissonance. Once on my own, I could continue to argue against the points in
a WT study article. My wife noticed that I did that. Even though I hung on for years afterward, doctrinal
changes like 1995's "this generation" were sure to make me reexamine my faith and question my own
decision that this was the truth.
If I were frugal unflashy Nick, I might try to justify a bad decision, but once it's bad, I accept it. I would
say "the payments are killing me." and "It's just a car. Don't make my mistake." Even there, am I
trying to save the other person, or just look smarter than I was when I made the mistake. The mind is
a tricky thing.
Now, the challenge is in how to use this. I am going to get that book into my mother's hands. I don't
think the wife will ever read it, but I leave it laying around. She's yet to pick it up.
Thanks for reading this far.