How do you deal with these Witness people?

kevin221

Greetings,
Please forgive my language in this post but I'm at my wits end and pissed as hell. My name is Kevin and my partner who was a poster on this board was jonjonsimons. Today Jons Dad showed up at our house. I was dumbstruck at first because I had never met the man but I knew immediatly who he was because he looks just like Jon only about 20 years older. He didn't even introduce himself to me and I could tell by his attitude that he could barely stand to even look to me. He wanted to know when he could go thru Jons things. I know I just stood there staring at this man with my mouth hanging open. I told him that he should leave and not come back as I had no intention of letting him in our house. He started going on about how Jon was his son, and his flesh and blood and how he was his next of kin, and all this other horseshit about how much of the house did Jon own and was any of the furniture his and shit like that. What is wrong with these people! I mean this man wouldn't even acknowledge Jons existence and now he wanted to come into our house and take his things. He wouldn't get off the porch and I didn't know what to do so I called the police. When they got to the house I showed them a copy of Jons will that cleary showed me as executor and they told his father that he would have to leave or he would be arrested for trespassing. Jon always said that his father might try to pull something like this but I always thought he was just being paranoid. Are these people nuts or something? My husband has been dead for only two days and this man shows up at my door, not to offer help but to demand things he's not entitled to. Is this normal for them to act this way? Jon always said that he never thought about his father and acted like it didn't bother him, but I was there after the phone calls when he would try and call him and he would just get hung up on. I was the one who held him while he cried over it. I know that sometimes families don't get along well, but I just can't understand this. This man treated him like he was dead for 20 fucking years and now he wants something from him??? I know some of you here are former Jehovah Witnesses so I was hoping you could give me some advice or insight into how these people operate or somthing. I'm seriously thinking of getting a restraining order to keep him away from me because if I see him again I'm libel to hurt him. Any advice would be welcome.

Thank you,
Kevin

SixofNine

Actually Kevin, from some things Jon said on this board, I get the impression that Jon's father's "assholiness" cannot be completely attributed to his being a JW. It sounds to me as if he comes by it naturally. Still, I'm sure his "assholitude" is exacerbated by his being in a bigoted, closeminded, ignorant religion.

drahcir yarrum

Kevin:

As the executor of Jon's will, you have legal standing as to accounting for his possessions, assets and liabilities and legal claims for or against him, until the will is probated by the courts.
You couldn't distribute any of his things even if you wanted to, until the court determines the validity of his will and then distributes the assets accordingly.

If his father chooses to contest the will, he has that right. But if there is no real money involved, he isn't likely to do so.

I know how upset you must be so soon after his death and your reaction to his father is understandable. But I would also encourage you, after you have had time to deal with your grief, to try and understand that the man is his father, albeit a bad father, and you may want to show him some kindness and understanding in the future.
Of course you are under no obligation to do so, but as a father, no matter how displeased and disappointed I might be at my children or they in me, there is still a deep feeling for them that I will carry to my grave.

May you have peace!

wannahelp

Kevin,

I'm sorry to hear of JonJon's death, and even more sorry that his father is being a total asshole about it..

My personal advice would be to very politely call his father and let him know that JonJon's final wishes were for you to be the executor of his estate, because you and he shared a life together, and for 20 years his father didn't want anything to do with JonJon..

You don't expect his father to agree with the life style, but then again, as a JW, you claim that you are NOT prejudice in any way, so you should at least respect JonJon's wishes. You also were there many times when JonJon cried himself to sleep over the hurt you caused him.

Wish him a good day, and tell him that if he does stop by again, or has anyone else stop by, you will call the police again, and have a restaining order issued against them. You hold no contempt towards him, but he hurt JonJon very badly and he didn't care then, so why do you care now all of a sudden?

You just want his material posessions.

JonJon didn't mean anything to you for 20 years, so why should his posessions mean anything to you now?

Of course, then you should hit him with the polite, I thought JW's weren't materialistic.. Better go confess to an elder or something <G>..

If he calls back, or shows up again, call the police...

I'd be very polite, but very firm in the phone call...

Regaurdless of how you handle it, my thoughts and prayers are with you..!!!

Nathan Natas

Hi Kevin,

I didn't know Jon, being fairly new here myself, but it is clear to me from the messages posted by those that did know him that he was greatly loved by many friends. I offer my sympathy in your hour of grief.

Although it may be hard for you to accept right now, not all witnesses are this mercenary and heartless. All of the friends Jon had here, after all, were once witnesses themselves.

I disagree with the comments that as Jon's father this man deserves some special consideration. He deserves nothing, which seems to be the way Jon saw the issue too.

I'm wonder what Jon's wonderful father would do if he thought that Jon's possessions were themselves "possessed"? You could have fun messin' with his mind...

Bridgette

Dear Kevin,
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of your husband's death. It's grossly unfair. If you can do so, get an attorney. You may be able to go to this guy's local elder body and inform them of his unwarranted harrassment. But if they're just a tight knit pack of "good ole' boys", they may not help. But if they have an interest in keeping this "under wraps" to protect their reputation, then they may reign in this guy.
You did the right thing getting the police involved. Try to get a restraining order.
Peace and Love,
Bridgette
p.s. to answer your question: the hardline shunning that Jon's father punished him with all his life, is fairly typical. It's actually what they're supposed to do, if they go "by the book". They think they're showing love, and the wayward one will come running back. Sick, I know. Good luck to you, sweetie.

Esmeralda

Kevin,

I too am sorry that you had to deal with this on top of losing your husband. While I did not know Jon other than by his posts here, I can tell you that this behaviour is, unfortunately, very common.

I have a good friend who was engaged to marry am ex-jw man, and he died suddenly and his JW family treated her just horribly.

JW relatives have a way of showing up the moment there may be money to be had. For people who are supposed to be so godly, they are among the most materialistic I have ever known: whether they actually have money or not.

You did the right thing, calling the police. In my opinion that is going to be the only way that you can deal with these insane people, with help from law enforcement/legal intervention.

I'm so sorry for your pain and struggles. This is the last thing that you need :(

*hug*
es

ashitaka

Kevin,

It's a good idea to keep the law in it....and yes, many if not most JW parents would be as judgemental...I've seen it before....as I've said before, my heart goes out to you.

ashitaka

Francois

Don't even fuck around with this guy at all. Ignore him. Go to the court and get an order from the judge. Something like a restraining order preventing him from coming on your property at all, ever, for any reason.

You don't have to go into much detail with the judge when you go to ask for the order. He's already trespassed your property (did he by any stroke of luck make any kind of physical threat? If so, you can ask for a charge and arrest for making terroristic threats), so you have a full and complete basis for a request for a restraining order. In other words, you've got the power on your side. Congrats.

Let us know how badly you kick his ass, will you?

Francois

Pathofthorns

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

There is much prejudice in the Jehovah's Witness faith against people that leave and people that are gay. Most here have come a long way from such intollerance and much has to do with the personalities of people like Jon.

It is a safe bet to believe Jon's father has no interest in him at this point in time, any more so than he did when he was alive. More likely it is guilt or greed.

I think you did the right thing by calling the police. Take some time to finish carrying out your friend's wishes and take some time to grieve and to heal. You don't need this aggravation. Leave it to the lawyers.

Path

How do you deal with these Witness people?

Share this