by bagpuss 15 Replies latest jw friends
would you prefer them to ask what you would like or to surprise you, and if they did ask for ideas would you be offended?
The reason I ask is that my mother in law has just told my husband that we may as well go back to how we were when we were witnesses and stop buying them presents as we don't put any thought into it and ask them what they want. He is really upset by this comment while I am just plain bloody angry!
What would you do or say in this situation?
The reason I ask is that my mother in law has just told my husband that we may as well go back to how we were when we were witnesses and stop buying them presents as we don't put any thought into it and ask them what they want.
Wow that's kind of harsh and not definitely not very polite. I always think of 'gifts' as being a surprise. I always love when someone buys me something that I wouldn't have thought of myself because I can always buy things I want/need for myself. If someone tells you what to buy them it takes away that element of surprise and also takes away from the whole idea of 'giving' in my opinion anyway. I can understand why you would be upset because if this is how they feel, there is a much better way they could have let you both know how they feel without being so brash.
The reason I ask is that my mother in law has just told my husband that we may as well go back to how we were when we were witnesses and stop buying them presents as we don't put any thought into it and ask them what they want.
I don't know what I would do. What a cruel, ungrateful woman. Personally, I would be crushed. I am also sure I would, at least, entertain the thought of never giving her another thing. I agree with misanthropic. I am always touched and surprised when someone gives me something...even if I don't necesarily like it. It's the thought that counts.
Besides, what if they asked for something you couldn't possibly afford? That would make me feel bad, too.
I try to always be practical so I like knowing what others want and I like letting others know what I want. I would hate to waste my money on something someone is not going to use or they don't want. What good is that? I always like to give ideas to others who are getting me, my husband, or my daughter something. Then we really get use out of it and get something that we wanted and don't feel like the giver wasted their money. Of course I'm not a stickler in this area. It's just if both parties are amicable to it. And I'm always very appreciative no matter what!
However, I don't condone the way the subject was brought up to you. It could have been handled much more tactfully. They could have just said, "We've decided to start Birthday/Xmas wish lists since it's so hard to know what to get us anymore." And then you could have said, "We really like surprising you with our gifts, but your list should give us a lot of great ideas."
Have I gone overboard? Sorry. I'm too much!! :)
I know this topic is covered in Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. Check it out and quote it. Better yet, give them a copy.
GentlyFeral
Do they have a garden with roses in?
Next Birthday/Christmas, surprise them with half a ton of fresh, steaming manure delivered to the end of their drive.
Seriously, I would hold the ungrateful woman to her request - just send them cards and that's it. She may just learn not to be so careless with her words. If you had a change of heart on the day, you could take them out for a meal or a trip perhaps?
I think it's nice to ask if there's anything someone needs or would like - it saves you wasting money on something completely useless to them.
Edited to make my reply all-encompassing of occasions!!!
A lump of coal comes to mind! carmel
I agree with GentlyFeral. I would give her one last gift. I would wrap up a copy of Miss manners book in really, really nice wrapping paper and give it to her.
I love buying gifts, and the fun for me is searching for that perfect gift, and seeing the look on their face when they open the gift. BUT there are people that no matter what you get them - are never happy.
I know alot of people that do up Christmas lists - what they'd like to receive, and give them to friends and family. I never realized people did this until I started buying gifts for friends. I still prefer to get them something not on the list, unless it's one of those people that are never happy! At least if you get them something off their list they should be happy with the gift, although not surprised!
BB
maybe buy her a book on etiquette and manners ???
it was pretty ungrateful what she said, I like the suprise but I also liked being asked, that way im guranteed to get something I like, most of my hubbys fam just ask him what im in to at the time or gift vouchers are always good.
