I was in the same situation only I was the JW. We've now been dating for two years. But the reason why i worked out was because I faded away. At the start, there was quite a bit of friction with the whole "you can't meet my JW friends or family" thing but after the fade, it was considerably. The integral part is that the JW in the relationship cease being a JW at some point. Are you prepared to wait as long as it takes?
Secrets
by Carmen 13 Replies latest social relationships
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Paralipomenon
Wow, alot of bad advice here.
If he was dating you and wanted you to study before meeting his parents, I'd say run.
From the sounds of it, he's looking to get out as well and yes it does need to be taken slowly and carefully.
He does have a definite exit plan which is a far cry better than most of the "relationship" questions from people coming to this board. He wants to get out but doesn't want to sacrifice his education to do that. I completely understand.
However, I would check why he wants to leave.
Does he have doubts about the teachings? Can he see corruption in the ranks?
If he is questioning the doctrine of the religion I'd say wait it out. If he says he wants to leave to be with you, run. The indoctrination is very strong and very real. The only way people make a clear break is once they stop believing it's "the truth". Any other reason leaves room for them to return.
I would suggest picking up the book "Apocolypse Delayed" and read the history of the Witnesses. It is more worded for people that have had little to no exposure to the religion. After reading it, I would suggest offering it to your boyfriend to read. If he refuses, he hasn't made a mental break from the organization yet. Cut it off.
You sound like a perceptive person that was able to realize the warning signs of a high control religious organization and found this site to learn more. It think with a bit of understanding of the teachings you'd be able to ascertain if he's lost his belief in the organization, or is just going through the motions.
I would even suggest you point him to a site like this for him to learn more about his doubts. -
OnTheWayOut
Sounds like he's trying to keep his JW life separate from his life with you.
He has issues, but not with you. He may delay or not on his JW breakaway.
Decide what you can tolerate. Maybe you should tell him what you expect
in the future, what you can tolerate.Can you live with not being part of "his" family?
Can you live in a secret relationship for a long time?
If he decides to not breakway clean, can you be quiet as he slowly changes
his life to a faded JW? -
OnTheWayOut
He wants to get out but doesn't want to sacrifice his education to do that.
Good point.
Does he have doubts about the teachings? Can he see corruption in the ranks?
If he says he wants to leave to be with you, run. The indoctrination is very strong and very real.
The only way people make a clear break is once they stop believing it's "the truth".Excellent advice. Is he leaving "for you?" Then he might go back one day.
Is he leaving because they are wrong? See how far he is willing to examine the JW's religion.Paralipomenon makes some great points. Re-read his answer.