Wanted to post this here also.....
I went back and slowly read Bgurl's post, to see if I still felt offended as I did last night. I did.
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I'm not trying to belittle anything anyone has been through but EVERYONE, in my experience, has had some awful thing or other happen to them throughout their life.
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This is true, bgurl. And we all know this. I have friends who had terrible things happen to them as children and adults. I don't think you will find anyone here who would ever belittle a "worldly" (I use this term not as an insult, but just as a 'word') person's bad experiences, as you have ours. Your quote says you aren't, but the rest of your post clearly shows it.
What you have to remember is that in addition to being "cultisized" for 20/30 years, we also have been molested, seen our children/mothers/fathers/wives/husbands die right before our eyes over the blood issue, seen friends and loved ones commit suicide, been shunned for no other reason than we had different ideas, been physically abused (as I was) by our parents and husbands. And this was condoned by the society.
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Maybe a mindset less 'boohoo, i have been screwed over and noone other than a JW could possibly understand my pain' and more of 'I, like many others in the world, have had a uniquely horrifying experience that i will share with those who show interest and possibly educate someone to the horror that can occur due to being a JW to those who might otherwise remain ignorant' would be a better mindset.
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I think most of us here do share our experiences with friends who show interest. Along with my boo-hooing, I do my best to make sure no one I know ever becomes involved with this cult. And I am working very hard right now to get my niece out of it. A friend just the other day told me he always thought JWS were very nice and didn't see anything wrong with them. He said he always talked to them when they came to his door. When I got through telling him what they were really like, he had a different viewpoint.
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Instead of thinking of people outside your former religon as 'worldly' think of them as people just like you with their own stories of pain and happiness to share. Some of whom you will get along with and alot of whom you will never have a friendship with. But learning about anyone, regardless of weather the great friendship materialises, is a rewarding experience.
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"Worldly" is a term that was drilled into our minds for so many years, to me it just refers to anyone who never was a witness, or left the org. I don't use the term to insult. I don't think of the word as representing "evil" people. I don't think Xena meant that at all. That's the problem. We, as former witnesses, realize that when we say this word, we are not belittling ones who were never in the org. If you have never lived in our shoes, you will not understand this. I'm sorry, but if you have never been part of a cult, you will not be "just like us". I feel your above statement was condescending.
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I think JWs are spoilt with this instant friendship that acompanies joining the organization. In the real world it just isn't that easy. You need alot of confidence and balls to go out and offer you emotions to possible rejection. But it's worth it when you find one or a few people you can truely connect with.
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Believe me, Bgurl, when I tell you we, of all people, KNOW this. And if there's one thing we DO have, it's BALLS. We chose to leave a cult and be shunned/ostracized/rejected, by all we loved and held dear. Rather than stay and be or have hypocritical friends. We understood what the real meaning of friendship was, or we would all still be there.
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True friends are earned through work and exposing your self, you feelings and thoughts with others. They are not handed to you on a plate with a set of beleif systems.
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To me, this too, read like another insult. Somehow you seem to think we have no idea how to do this. I think we know even more so what true friends are. And how very important it is to find them. We have the BALLS to go out and try to make new friends, even after all the rejection. All the disillusion. All the people who think we are
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a little odd
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sometimes you ex's can seem a little odd to one who has never experienced such 'programming'. Your thought processes are sometimes confusing to someone who has grown up with only logical thought. Also exhisting in such a confusing place with so many limitations is bound to cause alot of psycological oddities you may not even be aware of that others may think odd without an understanding of your history.
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Here you contradict what you said earlier. We are "just like everyone else". You say yourself, in this quote, that ones who have never experienced "programming" will not understand. Bgurl, we are VERY aware of our oddities. Even with an understanding of our history, we are still considered odd by some. And yet we have the courage to go out and make friends. Bear our souls. Work through the anger. Help others. And still boo-hoo on the board to ones we KNOW will understand.
I know Xena did not mean anything as an insult. She is a very kind person. And if anyone DOESN'T think "worldly" people are "evil", it's her!
But, I felt insulted by your words also. And that was after sleeping on them all night and re-reading them this morning. Sorry, but I think if you continue to read here, you'll see alot more boo-hooing before we're done.
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)