Disfellowshipping question

by emilyblue 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

emilyblue

Thank you, orangefatcat, for your detailed reply. How exactly will they determine if/when he is repentant?
Nowman

Emily,
I was announced on stage back in 1992, just as many here have been announced. I think they announce you different now, "so and so is no longer a Jehovahs Witness", but when I was DFd, I know it was like "N.M.A. has been disfellowshipped...". That is pretty much when I heard from no one ever again with the exception of a few elders maybe a few years after I was out that would call me periodically and see if I was interested in coming back, due to my parents asking them to call me. The three months before I was DFd though, its not like it happened overnight, 1st my dad had to make sure I admitted that I committed fornication before they had grounds to DF me, but my parents friends, my own friends from all over the place called me/stalked me everyday. Sometimes they would encourage me, sometimes they would go crazy with anger because I was leaving. But, once the announcement took place, that was it. I did not see my mom for eight years and have not seen my dad since 1992, can't believe its been almost 15 years!
Nikki
OnTheWayOut

do they announce that at a Sunday meeting
No, it's announced during the announcements at the start of a Service Meeting.
How exactly do they announce it?
"[So-and-So] is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses"
Will people in the congregation just completely ignore him after the announcement?
Yes, most will totally ignore him. Certainly at the Hall, they will. Most will do it anywhere.
What kinds of things will he have to do to show that he is repentant? He has already stopped seeing me, at least in public.
It depends on the congregation elders. Since he appealed, and will almost certainly lose, they will want to see
about a year or so of steady meeting attendance and then a letter asking for reinstatement because he sees
that he was wrong, he is sorry, he wants to serve Jehovah.
Don't make it your concern. He can ask for reinstatement immediately after the announcement, and he can put
in a new letter everyday if he wants to. I would recommend that to anyone who has a reason to be reinstated.
But the brothers will make him sweat in most cases, like I said- might be a year.
OnTheWayOut

do they announce that at a Sunday meeting
No, it's announced during the announcements at the start of a Service Meeting.
How exactly do they announce it?
"[So-and-So] is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses"
Will people in the congregation just completely ignore him after the announcement?
Yes, most will totally ignore him. Certainly at the Hall, they will. Most will do it anywhere.
What kinds of things will he have to do to show that he is repentant? He has already stopped seeing me, at least in public.
It depends on the congregation elders. Since he appealed, and will almost certainly lose, they will want to see
about a year or so of steady meeting attendance and then a letter asking for reinstatement because he sees
that he was wrong, he is sorry, he wants to serve Jehovah.
Don't make it your concern. He can ask for reinstatement immediately after the announcement, and he can put
in a new letter everyday if he wants to. I would recommend that to anyone who has a reason to be reinstated.
But the brothers will make him sweat in most cases, like I said- might be a year.
OnTheWayOut

do they announce that at a Sunday meeting
No, it's announced during the announcements at the start of a Service Meeting.
How exactly do they announce it?
"[So-and-So] is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses"
Will people in the congregation just completely ignore him after the announcement?
Yes, most will totally ignore him. Certainly at the Hall, they will. Most will do it anywhere.
What kinds of things will he have to do to show that he is repentant? He has already stopped seeing me, at least in public.
It depends on the congregation elders. Since he appealed, and will almost certainly lose, they will want to see
about a year or so of steady meeting attendance and then a letter asking for reinstatement because he sees
that he was wrong, he is sorry, he wants to serve Jehovah.
Don't make it your concern. He can ask for reinstatement immediately after the announcement, and he can put
in a new letter everyday if he wants to. I would recommend that to anyone who has a reason to be reinstated.
But the brothers will make him sweat in most cases, like I said- might be a year.
emilyblue

Thank you, Nikki. He has a deep desire to be reinstated. He was born into the religion and has said several times that it is his identity. When we first met over a year ago, he was the closest to "normal" I guess I have ever seen him. He wasn't attending meetings at that time because he had a lot of anger over how "everyone" took both of his exes sides during his divorces, so he just didn't go. But once he started attending again, he became a whole different person. And not a better one, at least in my opinion. I have never seen anyone more wracked with guilt in all my life. We can't even go to the movies, watch tv, or have conversations with people without him analyzing whether or not it is "appropriate" in Jehovah's eyes. Like God really cares if I'm watching "Flavor of Love" on VH1? I remember once I was watching tv and a commercial for a psychic hotline came on, and he yelled at me to turn the channel and asked me what I was watching. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time letting go. Even though I know we can't be together, I worry about him and want him to be ok. But I know he doesn't feel the same way about me, so I just feel stupid for caring. Thanks to all for your replies.
J-ex-W

I can't help but feel guilty though, because as he told me, loose lips sink ships.
Honey, this is one captain who deserves to go down with his ship!!!
Let's look at this again: ...as W-H-O told you??? And why do you suppose he would tell you that.... His aim is to make YOU feel responsible for any wrongdoing HE does...to keep his unsavory activities undercover. Guys like this always need an 'accomplice'--the tacit or complicit partner who SAYS N - O - T - H - I - N - G because activities cannot remain hidden from ALL eyes ALL of the time....
It's what lets him eke by...at the EXPENSE OF OTHERS (you included, even as he's telling you it's your job to be [overly] concerned about his welfare--to a degree which abolutley ISN'T!!!). What you feel is the manipulative/ guilt tactic he is employing...only one of the m-a-n-y weapons of mass destruction in every abuser's arsenal....
I don't want him ostracized
I know you don't, Honey...bless your heart. You're a caring person, very empathetic...and the right guy at the right time will treasure this trait in you. THIS GUY IS NOT HIM!!! I absolutely know how you feel on this one...I didn't want to 'abandon' my ex-husband, for much the same type of reasons, when I was contemplating leaving him--within the first month of moving across country to be with him...knowing he had really 'no one' before and would have 'no one' after (if I left him alone).
I felt this guilt already...now imagine the guilt--and fear and concern on his behalf, for HIS welfare, mind you--that I felt on top of this when I contemplated turning him into the police forsexually [and otherwise] abusingme. Instead of being properly concerned and outraged on MY behalf ...I was concerned and overly solicitous for the consequences to him (as he had systematically groomed me to be--and as, really, I had been groomed as a child to feel toward the 'man' in my life: Dad. [not a sexual abuser, but definitely verbal and sometimes physical, but NEVER at fault! ]).
and I don't know how he will handle it because he doesn't have a lot of friends, JW or otherwise.
There is a reason for this, Honey...and it's HIS problem to fix............................NOT yours--no matter HOW much he would like to make you believe otherwise!! You deserve better than what he is able and willing to give.... He deserves everything he GETS in consequence for his OWN ACTIONS...........................
F - A - R from this upcoming disfellowshiping action being 'your fault'...and from there being ANY need on your part to feel responsibility or guilt...honestly, I would say you would be completely WITHIN your RIGHTS to tell the elders about his treatment of you AND of his blame/ intended deliberate smoke-screen designed to "APPEAR" repentent..................................................
emilyblue------I covered over ALL that I knew of my ex-husband's dealings...partly because my heart ached with pity at the thought of his receiving his own just consequences. Still haven't got totally past that yet, myself, so I understand.............but I AM getting closer to just exposing that man for all it's worth (though, I'm sure in his case, the consequences will be much less of a 'bang' and more of a 'fizzle-thud'---------and then lots of backlash upon ME, for being the EX-Jehovah's Witness, rather than on him for being the abuser/ rapist).
In the case with your "prospective ex," it looks like at least SOME justice might actully prevail within the JW judicial system for a change....................................DON'T OBSTRUCT JUSTICE, emilyblue. That's what he's pressuring/ manipulating you to do-----------------------in courthouse terms, it's called 'witness intimidation.' Abusers are VERY GOOD at it!!
DON'T FALL FOR IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HUGS,
J-ex-W
The Dragon

If they are a bunch of easy misled people following a bunch of false fake prophets..then them throwing you out for your infraction...would be helping you..and possibly saving your life.
Is the guy driving 100mph toward a brick wall, tossing you out of his car, helping you, or hurting you?
the only way you would know for certain is if you could see into the future.
lrkr

At the appeal committe the only real question is- "Was there a gross miscarriage of 'justice'?" In other words- was he really repentant at the time and the elders just didn't figure that out. It is a very steep hill to climb. The assumption is against him from the beginning.

Disfellowshipping question

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