Why can't I say what I really want too when faced with a JW?

winnie

About 15 minutes ago, I was in the video shop when I saw a witness I knew from 5 years ago standing next to me. Assuming he was no longer a witness as he was looking at all the PORN movies, I start asking him how he's been. He then insinuates that the only reason I have 5 kids is for the social security payments...... (a little word called work exists in our vocabulary...something JW's don't know much about). I then find out that he is still a JW, he is working with my father in law who is local PO, still lives at home (his father is an elder). He didn't know I had DA myself. When I pointed out he shouldn't be talking to me...I am so stupid...he just turns and walks away.

I then come home furious...and yell at my family!

Why does my brain only kick into gear on the way home??? By that time I am so worked up that I vent all my anger on my husband.

I just wish I could tell them exactly what kind of people they are when they do this to me. I don't know whats wrong with me. I should know by now that this is what happens, but when it does, I am still dumbfounded.

He had the nerve to judge me...BUT I WASN'T THE ONE LOOKING AT PORN!!! (not that there is anything wrong with that)

MidwichCuckoo

I know what you mean Winnie. Maybe next time you see him, ask him VERY LOUDLY which of the porn videos he hired from the shop?

greendawn

At the back of your mind you might think what's the point of trying to talk to them since if you are an ex dub for whatever reason they will not give any attention to you. And with their mind conditioning it will be a waste of time trying to persuade them about their illusions.

flipper

MidwichCuckoo that's great......Maybe ask others in his circle how his research on porn went.

moshe

Do you know why JW's seem to get the upper hand in these situations? They practice and practice at being jerks. They have put-downs filed away to use anytime they feel threatened. I on the other hand have practiced many ways overcome these JW jerks and beat them at their own game. Maybe you and your husband or a friend could practice a few role playing situations that you could use the next time you encounter JW's. You must show no fear, as that is what emboldens them to put ex-JW's down and in so doing it makes them feel superior to every non-JW in the world.

journey-on

I'm not disfellowshipped...I'm a fader. But never in a million years would I allow them to think I'm pained by their stupid little cult practice. When I saw one, I'd make sure I put on my happy face and if I know them, I'd walk straight up and say "hello". I don't have to respect their right to shun me. I would never be rude or obnoxious, but I would damn well say "Hello, how are you?" And no matter how bad a day I may be having, I would exude joy and well being. They would never have a reason to gossip about "how sad she looked"!

jgnat

I get tongue-tied because there is just TOO DARN MUCH to say. Besides, I'd rather get in one zinger that they will mull on a while, than blast them with a bunch of scattershot.

Maybe rehearse a few comeback lines for next time. Maybe vow never to tell a JW your status again. After all, it's all a made-up world of heirarchies and approvals. Why buy in to it?

anewme

I think Moshe is right Winnie, you need to practice before hand some great responses. Really practice out loud. Or write them out and practice them at night before you go to bed and first thing in the morning.
When you prepare your mind like this it will be more natural for you to speak out.

I had to do this when I was working with some very rude people. I dont know why I couldnt stand up for myself. I realized I had never been exposed to such blatant crudeness and rudeness before!
So I practiced some very simple responses such as "That is none of your business" "That is a very inappropriate thing to say!" "That vulgar comment deserves no reply from me" and so on.

I had to actually practice! And the glorious day arrived when I finally got to use one the gems! Boy that felt good! "A word at the right time is oh so good!" (proverbs?)

J-ex-W

He had the nerve to judge me...BUT I WASN'T THE ONE LOOKING AT PORN!!! (not that there is anything wrong with that)

His guilty-feeling conscience is probably why he deflected the negative attention over to you. It didn't have to be true to be effective...just wanted attention diverted away from his [questionable for a JW] viewing selections.... Proabably was imagining you judging him at that moment, and lashed out himself....

Yeah...it always feels better when we can think/ speak on our feet. I'm sure there are times when you've managed to work it out that way as well, so...don't be hard on yourself for not batting 1,000. ((((((((( winnie )))))))))

...But try not to beat the family with a baseball bat, too.

Open mind

Moshe said:

Maybe you and your husband or a friend could practice a few role playing situations that you could use the next time you encounter JW's.

Excellent idea.

I'm PMing you shortly.

Open Mind

Why can't I say what I really want too when faced with a JW?

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