"Too many people have a strong need to define themselves according to some belief system and flail about in a panic when leaving their religion, and look for another to fill the void of their abandoned belief." I think, in certain way, it is this what made me join the Mormon church. Even if I was just an inactive JW, all my frienships went from a lot to almost zero (I was a bad association, of course). Now I had lot of time to think. The stories you hear at the KH are about people who leave the truth and got involved in drugs, alcoholism and all that stuff. I was a bit worried about that, and I wanted to fill the void with something. And what did I find? the mormon church. In any way, I think my belonging to this church was like a kind of transition towards the "real world" (I never felt extremely attached to its teachings or to the people at church, even if I got to know some very nice people). But now I think this transition was finished and I can live with no absolute truth, just live in the way I think it is the best for me.
Ex-jw, inactive mormon, and now what?
by olvidado 15 Replies latest jw friends
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olvidado
And Ksput, it is true, I am a very sloooow learner, but I am the kind of person that, when I learn something, I do according to what I have learned.
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IsaacJS2
olvidado, Welcome to the forum. My father's side of the family had some Mormon wannabes who never quite conformed to the standards. I keep hearing mixed opinions about them, though. I have often wondered how they compare to the WTS in terms of how controlling they are, and such. Since you are just thinking about leaving them, I guess you would say that they are far less controlling? Just curious about your opinion, especially since you are the first person I've spoken to that has been in both. BTW, I think your English is very good. :-) I have never been able to get a handle on any other languages myself. IsaacJ
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greendawn
Welcome Olvidado, you went from one controlling cult to another so you had quite an adventure in your life. Which one do you think is the worst out of the two?
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olvidado
Nice to meet you Isaac. You ask me about how controlling they mormons are. Well I just can tell you about my experience. You have to take into account that I am from Spain and, although the main rules are the same in all the world, the situation is not the same in a place like Spain (where mormons ara a very small minority) as it is in other places like Utaht (where most people are members of the church). You have commandments to obey, you are expected to do things in the way you are told by the church, but (at least in Spain) I didnt feel watched by the leaders of the local branch of the church like I feel controlled by the elders in the Watchtower Society. I say again that the situation in Utah will likely be different. I tried to live according to the standars of the church (no caffe or alcohol, Sabbath day, tithing, etc) but I knew I could have cheated with these things without anyone realising. But from the beginning I felt something really different between the two groups. First, I remember a misionary speaking about the bad associations he had at school and how he changed and looked for good friends while in hidgh school. I said something like: "Ah, at high school you found friends who were members of the church". And he told me: "not, they were not members, but they were good boys". I asked something like "and what do your parents think about that?". And he said that they were OK, his friend went to his house and his mother was always kind with them. For me it was something strange. Used to the idea of JW that all the people outside the organization were bad associations, it was weird for me people in a church who had friends outside the church and there was no problem. (But I say again that this missionary was from California, where I suppose that they have a more "liberal" point of view). Another point that surprised me in the mormon church was when I got to know some people excomunicated. There was a family in my branch who always came with its daughter, about thirty years old. I never felt people dealing with her in a different way that with the other people in the branch. One day, several of us went to have dinner and this girl went with us. In the middle of the conversation, she said that she had to go out the restaurant because she had to smoke. As a member, you are supposed to not smoke and I asked somebody about this girl. They told me: "Oh, no problem. She is excomunicated". OOOhhhh, I couldnt believe. Somebody excomunicated from the church and you felt no difference in the way others dealt with her. As I said before, in other places with majority of mormons the things could have been different. Maybe the mothers wouldnt like their children playing with other children not members of the church, or mormons deal with excomunicated in a different way. In Spain it was different. But, of course, the JW in Spain avoid frienships outside the organization and shun members of the family (I still remember the elder in my circuit who was like a hero for everybody because he hadnt spoken to his disfellowshipped daughter for ten years even if they lived in the same town. And he was so proud of it!!!!) I heard once the president of the church encouraging the members of being friendly with other people. I read an article in a church magazine dealing with making friendships with people outside the church. As I said, there could be people in church shunning or avoiding not members, but at least the official position of the church was one of tolerance. I never saw that kind of articles in the Watchtower or Awake. That, for me, makes a great difference. Umm, this sounds a bit apologetic of the church, I dont want to sound like that. Maybe for somebody coming from a different background, the church can be controlling. But after my experience of almost 15 years of the supercontrolling Watchtower society, the mormon church was very relaxed in that way.
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Merry Magdalene
Welcome Olvidado. Thak you for sharing your interesting experiences with us. I hope you enjoy it here and find much benefit.
~Merry