Ever blown-off your non-JW family due to cult dynamics or whateva? (page 2)

Madame Quixote

Well, I guess I've come to terms with it. I missed out on visiting with two of the sweetest non-jw relatives I have because I just couldn't handle not being the center of their universe this time around. That's just so borderline! And a bummer.

I talked to one of them today and could not coordinate a meet-up because of my work and her travel. I think I need to get myself set up a bit better financially so that my home is more welcoming to potential guests. I think I'm the one with the problem here, although the jw dynamics of disfellowshipping just exacerbate my sense of alienation.

The aunt I talked with today offered to drive up here with a borrowed vehicle, etc., so I just need to quit feeling sorry for myself and get over the fact that they need to spend more time with the JW family than with me. After all, it is their mom and sister they're visiting and I'm just a neice.

And they have done a lot of nice things for me over the years and have been more in touch with me than my own immediate family. I think the other jws are somewhat peripheral in their visits, (except for the fact that they're the ones with the resort properties and the entertaining advantages). I know they have claimed at times that they feel like hostages when they come down here (to my parents') to visit.

It's too bad I let my depression and negative feelings get in the way of what might have been a nice visit. Then again, it could have turned into a nasty one if I let go some of that in the wrong way to them. So, I guess it's just better off here, for now. Maybe sometime I can communicate it in a healthy way to the aunts that I feel like an afterthought . . . but then again, if I am just an afterthought or an inconvenience, it might not make sense to bring it up at all . . .

BrentR

My JW mom and family wanted a family picture at a professional studio. She asked me what would be a good date for me/us. I told her to pick any date because we will not be there. Of course she was shocked had the audacity to ask why. So I explained to her that my wife and I are not going to play the convenient/selective family members and be part of conditional love mind games.

This comes just a couple weeks after I find out that my JW parents are taking all of thier grandchildren with the exception of my daughter to Disneyland this summer. This was supposed to be a secret but my niece leaked it to my daughter. Now my daughter is devastated and still is not old enough to understand all the toxic sick dynamics involved.

So I dropped that little bomb on my mom and what it did to my daughter. I told her that she could shove her mind games and toxic cult up her ass and that it will be a very long time before she will have any contact with us or her grand daughter.

So that family portrait is going to look a little goofy with only two of her three kids and thier families.

I am tired of always having to give in and try to play the meek "non-believer" knowing that I am regarded as the black sheep just so my daughter can see her grandparents. That has all changed now and the gloves have come off.

I call it a reverse disfellowshipping, a taste of thier own medicine.

ninja

yep also

BrentR

So many christian religions have the motto What would Jesus do? It is very obvious why the JW's do not use the WWJD question. They would have to change so many practices and behaviors they would not know where to start.

I think all of us should put the thumb screws to our JW families and completely avoid them. We need to make our parents decide just how important thier mind controlling cult is. Is it important enough to never see your grandchildren again? Make them decide and take back some control, stop being victims and get proactive.

How do you explain to an eight year old child all of the twisted psychotic dynamics of JW's and non JW's?

My daughter was balling her heart out and asked me if she did something bad because she was not invited to go to Disneyland with all of her cousins. That tore my heart out and got me pissed off worse then I have been in years.

When they start F'ing with our kids mind's they are going to hear the gates of hell swing open.

Finally-Free

Life is short, and I already wasted what should have been my best years. Now I'll blow off anyone for any reason. If I don't want to do something or be around someone I won't. I don't feel bad about it at all. I'm sure no one ever felt bad about blowing me off.

W

Madame Quixote

Excellent points, all. I shall be okay with my boundaries this time around, but try to not make it a habit to avoid perfectly nice people.

Brent - I feel so terrible for your daughter. If I could send her to Disneyland myself (with her parents, of course, I would). Anyone want to start a Disneyland Fund For Abandoned Grandchildren?

gosh, dern it, that seriously pisses me off! Your parents should be ashamed of themselves; I guess they are; that's why they wanted to keep their Disney trip a secret in the first place! jerks!

BrentR

My parents will pay very dearly for thier cult arrogance. One of my sisters lives in Canada and the other one is not speaking to them. Since they are both 65 and retired they should be thinking about thier future and just who will be helping them as they get older. I am sure it haunts them each day knowing that not one of thier three kids will be there for them when old age start wrecking havoc on them and thier health.

Just what type of nursing home do you think I will find for them? Or will I even give a rip? They ought to be very, very concerned about that and many others dilemas that will be comming thier way.

How does that scripture go......"Do unto others........." They better buy a clue.

AllAlongTheWatchtower

First off, I'm a little confused by the question; "ever blown off your NON-JW family..." but many posters replied about avoiding their JW family...guess that's what you meant? Anywho...sparing all the gory details, at age 13 I was simultaneously DFed from the WWCG (Armstrong), and made a ward of the state after being removed from my parents by the courts. The two events were directly related, and even though I was allowed to have "family visitation" in the various group homes I ended up in, I usually did not pursue it, or if pressed by the counselors just told them I wasn't interested. After I graduated high school, I joined the military, and volunteered for my first duty station to be overseas in Japan. Avoidance? You betcha. I later learned, after I finally achieved some level of normalized family relationship, that my parents had even gone as far as to hire a private detective to try to track me down.

Madame Quixote

Yes, All Along . . ., I did blow off my NON-jw relatives. They're my jw mom's sisters. My jw mom is mentally ill. Her younger sisters are very sweet most of the time and have been very good to me over the years, though we don't see each other very much. Unfortunately, they too are a bit neurotic especially when they're both together, (though they don't seem quite as nutty as my mom - but that may be because I did not have to grow up with them).

Anyway, it's just as well that I blew them off because in retrospect, I can see that I was suffering from MPD ("Monthly Personality Disorder") and it might have been a very negative visit for us all, the way I was feeling about everything. I've since been in contact with them and I think they are both quite themselves and so am I now. I think it probably was best to just wait and visit with them another time, when I am feeling more up to snuff.

Ever blown-off your non-JW family due to cult dynamics or whateva?

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