Dating--Then & Now

FreeGirl2006

I was the good little Christian girl. Except for one brief blip on the radar, I dated only "brothers" and only with the view to marriage. Frankly, the attitude of the single brothers made me almost despise men. But I kept slogging through just knowing one day I would be blessed for remaining a virgin, dating only "in the truth", etc. I turned down quite a few dates with very attractive, kind "worldly" men even though I could barely get a date in the truth because I was not a size 0, a pioneer, a dowdy dresser, a meek, quiet, personality-less "Christian". Well, I won the lottery at age 30 and married "in the truth"...to a man who disliked sex. Eight years of a bad, almost sexless marriage to a "loyal brother" almost did me in and I left. Btw--I never cheated on the man even though it was tempting.

So, I am now separated (will be divorced later this year) and df'd. I decided to date. I was a bit uneasy at first because of all the brainwashing about how bad the "worldly" people are and that they can only be after one thing...blah blah blah...anyone who was in the Borg for long knows the spiel. I love dating! I have met some really nice and attractive men. And they don't all want just sex. Surprise, surprise, they are even looking for love, a partner, a friend. One gentleman that I dated for several months is probably the most spiritual person I have ever known. He is familiar with the witlesses so when I told him my whole family was shunning me, he wanted me to hop on his Harley with both of us decked in leather and pull up in their driveway and announce we needed a place to live...ah to see the looks on their faces would be priceless! Worldly men are much nicer and far more generous than any of the brothers I ever went out with. Dating has been a pleasure and it is so nice once it is freed from the constraint that YOU MUST MARRY if you are dating. What a crock!

Anyone have any dating experiences they care to share? What has been the nicest and the worst thing about dating "in the truth" and "in the world"?

Would you ever date a former Witness or do you want to just not go there? Would you feel more in the comfort zone to date someone who understands your background? I don't know if I would date a former witness because I think I would be afraid he might want to go back...not that that has been an issue for me yet. Of course, the benefit of dating a former Witness is the fact they understand completely the shunning thing...normal people can't quite wrap their mind around this "loving" procedure by a borganization that claims to follow in Christ's footsteps and be the epitomy of brotherly love.

How have you met people? I have been doing the internet dating sites with success.

SB

I couldn't agree w/this more. i got lucky and found the love of my life, on my first try in dating a "wordly" man. we took things slow - we were best friends before we even kissed. now we live together, and i couldn't be happier. he is patient, honest, and giving. there are no personality shows to please "friends". there are no rules to live by simply for social graces.

my sister is coming home in a few months - she's been zelously pioneering in another country for the past year. i am now preparing to be shunned, seeing as how i am a drifter, but my sister is a strong gossiping member of the org. nothing like car group gossip to catch everyone up on what the "inactive" members of your family are up to, followed by a pitiful shake of the head, and a "that's so sad, she was so faithful!".

i am still faithful, to the person who loves me unconditionally. i even told him the other day, that i must be lucky. all the married women in my former religion said they hated sex, but i like it. so i must be lucky. :) or - take out the religous sex rules, and then you can really find out what the person you are with wants/needs. have a "no one is watching" mentality. sorry - is this too personal? i think it's a reality though, for anyone leaving the org.

FreeGirl2006

SB, I completely agree with you. I don't know that I will ever marry again--the experience was too painful the first go round, but I would not have a problem committing to a relationship or even living with a man. I feel so much freer sexually without all the dogma and "rules". I frankly never found anything in the Bible that specifically mentioned oral sex and whose business is it anyway? It is just refreshing for me to be with a man who desires & respects me.

I hate that your sister is a gossip, but at least you are happier than she will ever be in the Borg. And you sure are getting better sex than she could ever hope for in the Borg!

I am so happy that you found someone special. I hope that one day I will have that too.

anewme

Dear Free Girl, so glad you are finding success in the dating world. I agree with you whole heartedly that non JW men can be just as spiritual (if not MORE SO!) than their JW counterparts! Men are men Free Girl!
They are after love and friendship and family too! I think non JW men have certain advantages too.
They can speak their minds and not feel pressured to say only what is approved. They are not enslaved to a publishing company and weekly meetings designed to fill their minds with insane fairy tales and nonsense.

I must say how impressed I have become with the XJWs I have met here Free Girl. They are sensitive men who have gone through a great awakening. They are much better equipped to spot a cult than the average neverbeenawitness guy. They live in the HERE AND NOW and so living life to the full is important to them.
I think life with an XJW would be rewarding also in that he would understand the height and the depth of the complete organization we were involved in.

On the other hand, nonJW guys can be just as smart and understanding and often they have had happy childhoods and lives and are well adjusted and that is nice for us who have been hurt by the cult.
Its nice to have a happy partner, one who feels it is absurd to think God is going to destroy anyone!
I say you cant go wrong Free Girl! I decided to marry a non JW after my dfing. He is a happy guy, very caring, sexy, and loving. I dont want to brag but after 6 years he still holds the car doors for me! Very sweet. He doesnt waste one minute worrying about the future. He has a nice family and we have wonderful holidays.

(We have some real nice guys here right now Free Girl. Why not stick around and get to know some of them)
Maybe a summer apostafest!

Anewme

FreeGirl2006

Anewme--that is so awesome that your hubby is doing the door holding after all those years! Sounds like you have got someone real special. I tend to lurk on the board, but in recent days I have been visiting more and commenting. I guess I never thought about meeting someone here as a potential date. Like I was reading the other day, when you want to meet someone you have to look around every where you go and have a positive attitude. You just never know who you are going to meet and where you are going to end up.

Freegirl

anewme

That is so true Free Girl! And you dont have to marry the first one you date! Or the second or the third!
The men who impress me are the ones who elevate my thinking about the world in some way. They must impress me with a special insight. They also must make me want to kiss them very much. You know they have to have that special something! A true heart. A sincere soul. An honest man. A kind man. A man who likes to work. A man whose mind is always thinking. And a man who knows how to keep his woman happy and from straying (if you get my meaning) Lots of cuddling and holding and touching. A man who wants to care for me and be cared by me. A man who takes good care of himself and his health and appearance. A man who wants me to be happy and fulfilled. A man who gives me freedom to do and be anything I want.

A wonderful man like that is a treasure on earth!

(did I hit on anything you agree on Free Girl?)

FreeGirl2006

Anewme--girl, I agree with everything you said. I am most definitely taking my time. I am still learning about myself and what I am looking for. I refuse to settle this go round. I want total package, I am worth total package, and I will give total package to the lucky man in my life.

kerj2leev

And a man who knows how to keep his woman happy and from straying (if you get my meaning)

I personally loved this gem! So if a woman strays its the mans fault???

FreeGirl2006

kerj2leev--you betcha! I mean haven't women been blamed for their man straying 'cause they can't keep them happy. I can't tell you how many married men have given me that line as a reason they should have an affair.

Junction-Guy

Well I never dated in the JW's, I was forbidden since I wasnt baptized. My Dad used that as a way to try to force me to get baptized. He would say"See once you get baptized you have all these opportunities open up for you"

I was stuck in the middle, couldnt go forward and couldnt go back. Amanda was my first real girlfriend that I actually got to date, and then I had to go and rush into marriage, instead of just enjoying the experience. Before I could even date Amanda, I had to reach the point that I was forever willing to ditch the JW religion (even if it were the true religion). I did that about 3 months before we met.

Im 36 years old and never really had a dating experience, just Amanda. Perhaps I need to start dating again, before I swear off women and turn to celibacy.

Dating--Then & Now

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