When JW parents shun their df'd children...and grandchildren

by Paisley 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Paisley

    This seems the epitome of "lacking natural affection". Can you imagine being a parent and not being interested in how your own children are doing? And what about carrying it even further, having nothing to do with your grandchildren, just because the parents are disfellowshipped?

    Unbelievable. I don't find that witnesses in general are this extreme; just the occasion hard case. I know of one example, maybe two. What about you?

  • MinisterAmos

    Actually every DF'ed Dub that I know is hard-shunned by their family. The PO has FOUR daughters all DF'ed and he made sure that neither one got to visit their Mom as she died horribly of cancer.

    My wife's twin told her after the most recent "new-light" in 2002 that she would have no further contact with her because my wife was in hiatus with the Org. Heck I never even met the rest of her family (fortunate because they are all leeches constantly begging money) until after she re-instated. Boy did I become popular after that! Turns out that Dubz like houses on the beach. Course they never even say "Thank You" after the visit, but they sure do like to visit!

    Speaking of ungrateful turds, where is that darn "Thank You" note from the couple that got married in December? Could it have gotten lost in the mail?

  • winnie

    No...I can't imagine anything that my children can/would do that would make me 'shun' them...and then extend that attitude to their children.

    My parents have 'shunned' us for the past 3 and a half years, and they have extended that to our children...as a result they have never even seen our last 3. Would not even recognize the 2 they have seen, now. And it's all our 'fault'...if anyone asks them why...they say that we have refused to let them have any contact with them! Totally not true...although now I would not let them within 10 feet of my kids!

    My hubby's parents shunning of us is only relatively recent, as we officially 'dissassociated' ourselves 3 weeks ago! But they have limited their association with us for the past 5 years...and this includes the children...even to the extent of only seeing our 'new' addition twice in 4 1\2 months.

    And something really strange...at least I thought so...was that when we told brother-in-law we were dissassociating ourselves due to numerous family reasons, he said: "But your childrens photo's are still on their (hubby's parents) walls!" ?????

    No doubt they will all be removed now...as they equate religious beliefs with the privilege of gracing their walls!!! Have you ever heard of anything so stupid???

  • DJK

    There were only a few that were Df'd at my KH. They would attend meetings and after I would see some people talking to them. I questioned that and was told it was OK to associate as long as it wasn't about the bible. Not a hard shunning compared to what I, never baptised, got when I left the JWs. I have seen my father four times in 32 years.

  • Effervescent

    This is a subject that hurts my heart to think about.

    The majority of my family, while not out and out shunning me, are basically actively ignoring me. I've sent letters, photos, etc and haven't gotten any kind of response in years. They met my middle daughter when she was newborn, but that was 7 years ago, and have never met my youngest, or my husband for that matter. (who I've been with for almost 6 years now) In fact, the last time I spoke to my father, it was when I was getting married, and he made it abundantly clear that he didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't even get a card.

    It's so very sad. I live a great life, my kiddos are beautiful and happy, I am a good Mom and wife and try to be an asset to my community. But because I chose to walk away from their particular flavor of religion I am evil and not worthy of their love.

    I stopped leaving messages on their phone 2 years ago and sending the letters and photos 6 months ago. I'm tired of trying. Their loss.

  • InquiryMan

    Disassociated two months ago, after not been active for 4 years (severing 25 years of activity, the last 11 as an elder). Now shunned by parents, sisters and grandmother. Although they have stated they do want contact with my children, they do nothing actively at all in order to achieve this. Never calls or whatever. Thus, the children get a very distant relationship to them. Not seen, not thought of. It is sad, they live only 15 minutes drive away. They have not even been to my new flat, although I have lived here for 9 months. (Technically, they could do so until I was DA). Basically, they are nice, devent people, though captive by a heartless religion. But I cannot blame them. My (ex)wife and I did shun my sister-in-law for 5 years when we were in. She had to loose a baby before we got in touch again. It was the beginning of the end of our involvement inthe religion. I guess it was the DF policy/shunning (that I actally never fully sanctioned, nevertheless adhered to because of "loyalty") that made us leave, in addition to other issues.

    It is their loss. My grandmother of 86 stated she wanted to keep in touch with me, but changed her mind. She sounded like a parrot when stating that "I have left the family, they have not left me (!). Too sad that they mix leaving a religious community with the family. But years of religious indoctrination takes it toll. Fortunately, I have got in touch again with my secular relatives, that I previously only met in funerals. They have accepted my fullheartedly. We only live once, and it is so sad that the Watchtower society makes the livesof 100,000 of families less enjoyable that it could be. They state "love thy enemey", but shun their own. It is honestly too much OT-theology.... Not strange that I have turned into an agnostic.

  • Dismembered

    Greetings Paisley,

    When JW parents shun their df'd children...and grandchildren.....

    They should be bound, tied up, and left for dead.


  • Gordy

    I was told to leave my family home in Dec 1996 because of suffering depression I was considered a "spiritual danger" to the family.

    After learning the "truth" about the Watchtower I disassociated in Sept 2001.

    Since then my JW wife and two JW daughters have not spoken to me.

  • blondie

    I find that JWs fall into 2 categories on this:

    The Hardliners

    The Behind the Scene Contactors (or If There is Money Involved We Can Talk to You)

    The Hardliners live the the principle that if the person had committed the "sin" under the Law code they would have been put to death and there could be no communication (but would these people children have been put to death too?)

    The Behind the Sceners tend to be elders who find a way to justify "having necessary family business" and phoning df'd children every day, car pooling with them, etc. It is never a good idea to go to an elder body to complain about a fellow elder's association with his df'd family. They will quickly close ranks and tell you that it is not your place to "judge" and the elders have the situation under control. (I dare any rank and file to do the same thing without a "visit" from the BOE.)


  • Xena

    My father-in-law hasn't seen my daughter in probably over a year. Never calls, never asks about her. He lives in the same town, sees his other grandchildren on a regular basis. Between that and my sisters shunning us she feels a lack at times in the family department. I found a paper she wrote for school that spoke about the fact that one third of her family was dead, one third don't have anything to do with her and one third we see from time to time. After that I stepped up spending time with the ones that do associate with us.

    You do what you can.

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