When I was df'd I wanted reinstated to be able to associate with my mom. I was pregnant with my first child and quite lost about the whole pregnancy. Once reinstated, I knew it was't because of my rependant attitude and love for God. It was for my mother. But now that I've been da'd for over a year and have no association with my mother, really. And I don't mind. Actually, it more of a relief to me to have her not be able to associate with me. She views me as dead and right now, I am fine with that. Sad sounding, yes. But if you were in my shoes for the last 23 years, you would understand better. there are times when I miss my mother's company. But then I remember how she was always controlling and the things she would do and say to me and it eases the pain and I start to feel content again. The one thing that I do miss is getting to know my youngest sister. She is now 9 years old and I have no clue who she is, what she likes, etc. I have not seen her since she about 4....so here, 5 years later, she is quite the grown up girl now. So I do miss being there to watch her grow up. While I feel sadened for her, because she has no choices in life and is forced to grow up and live in that mind controling cult.
Why did you want to be reinstated?
I am df'd for about a year....disowned by my parents, and other family. I am fine with staying away from that mind control. I never could reconcile that my abusive ex was such a terrible person in my parents eyes for being so controlling and mean. but that it was okay to be abusive and mean by shunning to someone who simply did not conform to the "rules", but was still a wonderful person.
Well, I found out! (Not that I am so wonderful, but I am their daughter!) No unconditional love there whatsoever. My parents go beyond the letter of the law in shunning me too. But, funny thing is, I don't feel bad. I just feel relieved. I miss having family, but not them. How wierd is that???
This is one girl that will never go back.....
<<<<<<<jumping for joy and loving life>>>>>>>>>>>
I was DF'd for over two years, during most of that time I was convinced it was "still the truth." I went to meetings with my "worldly" hubby and endured the shunning because I very much wanted to associate with my friends and family again. However, towards the end of the two years, I had an "awakening" so to speak and realized it wasn't the truth. I made the decision to try to get reinstated anyway because of my family...a big part of that decision was my 3 awesome little sisters, all still living at home...I wanted to be there for them and have a good, normal relationship with them...and if they ever, ever had any questions about the truth or wanted "out," they would know that I would be there to help them. Once I was reinstated, like BlackMan4Life says, I became inactive, and have been inactive for three + years. I have a great relationship with my sisters, and I feel that for me, having to live "a double life" about my true beliefs is worth it, and I also am able to "plant" apostate seeds in my family in a very subtle way that I hope will take effect some day.
When I was df'd, (for four whole months) it was a matter of extreme urgency. I was pregnant, and I was convinced if Armegeddon came on time like everyone said it would, I would die df'd and my child would too.
This was also told to me by my parents and the body of elders.
Therefore I sucked it up, even though I didn't think I deserved to be df'd, and got reinstated.
Also, as I was raised in the truth, I literally had no friends to talk to. Try making friends when you are 19 and pregnant. No fun, I can tell ya.
Therefore, I thought getting reinstated would make all the difference in the world.
Thankfully, [8>] I was reinstated before my daughter was born, and I was at least able to talk to those who would stoop to talk to me.
OH, if I had it to do over again.
If anything, shunning pushed me further away, especially since I knew many of the shunners were hypocritically breaking commandments themselves.
I am not disfellowshipped, but I AM being shunned by the dubs in my area, except for a few pretty nice ones. The effect of it on me, is that it pisses me off. I've asked my mother why on earth the shunning would draw me back to that place? My daughter went to my stepfather's memorial, and was shunned........no one talked to her or her husband. Very attractive group, isn't it?
Our second son was df'd for a few years, and wanted to get back (we were still dubs then) and he wanted so badly to be with the family again.......that is the only reason!!! As soon as he was reinstated, he never went to another meeting. He is still reinstated, but got married in a church 4 years ago, and celebrates all the holidays. Hahahahahahaahahaha.
Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
"Those who know, don't say, and those who say, don't know."
Thanks for all the replies you've given. It really helps to reinforce a feeling about this subject that I've had for several years now, but can't really discuss it with my JW family because it "goes ahead of the WTS teaching".
I agree with nelly136 and Shaneliza about the emotional blackmail effect. I discussed this with my son today after I read these responses and asked him if he felt this way too. He agreed that he feels like the rest of our family is like holding a gun to his head and saying to him.."you have to conform and come back or we will have nothing to do with you. You are not my brother or a son to your father".
It doesn't seem to matter that he is a well respected young man in the community, a good father and husband and friend, has good morals and principles. The only thing that seems to matter is submit to the control.
My son realizes too that even if he did go back, he, like so many others, would probably end up inactive anyway, so in his sister's and father's eyes then the need for the old "encouragement" guilt trips to do more, do better would be necessary all over again, so what's the point.
If only we could get the general r&f to realize that, contrary to what the WTS wants them to believe, the effect shunning has does not "encourage" one to reinstate but causes more hurt and anger and pushes most farther away.
As well, hopefully someday they will see that the broken family is not a result of the df'd one's choice, but a result of their own (the JWs) blind following of rules.
Thank you all for your personal experiences. Your input serves as a reinforcement of what I already felt was true.
Well, I realize the question is Why did you WANT to be reinstated..
but most of the replies are like mine: Why I DON'T EVER want to be
reinstated, and all the reasons are pretty much listed by everyone's comments here.
Your daughter may believe that the reason for shunning is to make the other person ashamed and miss their friends and family, but that is just another lie the wts has brainwashed the r&f with. Because the real reason, we all know, is so that we can't tell our friends and loved ones how fake the Org truly is. By cutting off communication and labeling every one and every thing "apostate", the wts has tried to disrupt rescue attempts.
What shunning has shown me is the true character of the person doing the shunning, their love and friendship was never Christian. They walk smugly aware from me feeling as though they have done their spiritual deed for the day. Once shunned by them, I find it difficult to ever acknowledge them again. The few who have continued to show love and friendship to me are the ones who do cause me to actually rethink by leaving....but just momentarily!
Roy Batty...I'm with you: "And finally, I hope that my example will cause others, especially my family, to leave this destructive cult." Amen to that!!
I feared my daughters would never know that they should leave the org. They haven't yet but I pray for them (even though the Org does not allow them to pray for me!!) And my younger daughter has been researching cults on the internet. The other day she told me the wts has all the characterics of a cult. Whew!
: The longer I'm out of the BORG the more I can't believe I was involve w/ it in the first place.
Boy is THAT something so many of us have in common.
I'm still trying to reclaim my braincells and I've been out for almost thirty years.
"When in doubt, duck!"
>>I feared my daughters would never know that they should leave the org. They haven't yet but I pray for them (even though the Org does not allow them to pray for me!!)<<
Don’t give up on them. My kids are 10 and 7 and are torn about who to follow, their JW mom or me. My gut is telling me that they’ll completely leave the JW when they become teenagers. However, I do worry. I think to myself “what if they get baptized?” “what if they pioneer?” etc. But then I remember that I left when I was 31 years old and an elder! Anyway, to me it’s a uncommon for kids of JWs to remain JWs and even more uncommon of JWs kids to remain one if they have a non-JW parent in their life guiding them away from this cult.