I’ve been lurking round this board for a couple months now. All the experiences I’ve read have been so eye opening for me. I thought I was the only one with doubts gnawing at the back of my mind; it’s so nice to know I’m not alone. I just wanted to share my story also.
I was ‘raised’ in the ‘truth’ since my mom converted in 1974 (my dad was an unbeliever). Since discovering this board, I believe she converted during the 1975 end-of-the-world hysteria (she’s never admitted this openly though). Honestly, I never liked going to meetings. Having no siblings, the best part of the meeting for me was the end when I’d get to play with my friends. Then there was the kind brother who would share out goodies among the children after meetings. I remember placing magazines on field service as a child, but it was just a game to me. As a pre-teen we changed congregations. There were no teens my age in the new hall; there were either “pediatrics” or “geriatrics”. Loneliness set in for me then. I still hated meetings, but at least they offered me a chance to get out of the house since I was never allowed to go anywhere without the characteristic ‘grilling’. If it weren’t for my ‘worldly’ friends at my all-girls’ High School I think I would have gone bonkers! Oftentimes I wondered how come these ‘worldly’ girls showed me such warm affection while the congregation members were so ‘cold’. Despite this inner turmoil I was what everyone considered a well-behaved young lady. My mother regularly read Ephesians 6:1-3 to me during my formative years, and I suppose those words held deep meaning for me. Regardless of how angry I was inside I never wanted to do anything to upset my mom. Little did I know it would later bite me in the behind.
I was a frustrated teen. I was also what you could call an introvert. Sometimes I would feel like the walls were closing in on me. It was my plan to avoid baptism, but I was pounced upon at a weak moment – I was 21. The elders were constantly nagging me about everything; “why not widen out?”…”he who is isolating himself”…”why are you a low-hour publisher?”…”why are we not hearing your comments at the meetings?” Oh how I dreaded those so-called shepherding calls!! Lots of questions circulated in my mind e.g. How come “Jehovah loves a cheerful giver” when there are not enough contributions at the Assembly, but accepts my service hours when I give them in grudgingly? Why is ‘voluntary’ service coerced? Why do they read the congregation’s financial accounts every month, but no statement is read concerning my contributions to the World Wide Work? Why are women looked down upon in the organization? If every year more women are baptized than men, isn’t “marry only in the Lord” oppressive to sisters? In spite of all this, I was still viewed as ‘exemplary’ in the congregation. We had since changed congregations again. There were many young adults in this congregation, but apparently, they were engaging in “normal” young-adult stuff and giving the elders a run for their money. They never included me in their activities, so I guess I was rather clueless. Being ‘exemplary’ was a heavy yoke on my shoulders; assignments were never-ending. I was constantly giving talks, being a householder, or being used in demonstrations; sometimes back to back. I had no life. My entire life consisted of work, home, meetings, field service. I felt it was being wasted. I finally left my parents’ house in my late twenties.
I’m now inactive, and I’ve been ‘fading’ since 2000 …. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE!!!! I’ve since met a wonderful man and we’re planning to get married. Of course word got to a particularly nosey elder about the wedding. He then tried to spoil everything by looking up my mother’s phone number in a file and ‘threatening’ to have her ‘privileges’ removed if she attended the wedding. He also blew the whistle to her on my ‘fading’. The situation has since been resolved and she will be attending, and thanks to this site I’ve found really good advice on how to deal with any elders who might drop by to offer ‘encouragement’. It’s so incredible being able to go to a movie on a meeting night, or walk along the ‘dub-free’ streets on Convention days. Almost all my life there was someone breathing down my neck, but the change has done me soooo good. Oh how my newfound freedom is sweet. I intend to enjoy it for all those years I’ve wasted in the ‘TRUTH’.