Relationships With Witnesses or ExJWs----Are They Easy To Deal With??

by minimus 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Hey Minimus!

    Am I on the right thread? I get so confused, for the "Great One" is somewhat omnipresent lately. To all in the fellowship-in-the-flesh [as opposed to my friends via PC], I look, talk and act like a JW. We have so many congos here that they have no idea I'm inactive or absent from meetings. I get my meetings on the net, actually. I talk about the meetings with JW friends, current issues, pertinent and necessary items of gossip, etc.
    While I am genuine in how I come across to JWs, my goal is to do what we are trained here at JWD to do. The only problem I have is emotional as these dear ones are family and friends of 30 plus years. We [JWs] were trained to be rescuers and, while I'm not aiding them for survival through Big A, still, I have this anxiety about 'snatching them out of the fire.' As I wrote back in mid-October, I was bummed-out about the rant over, "Oh, goodie! We're gonna get tarred and feathered!" [tract work re: false religion] It's just the JW mentality that assaults me. I feel like I'm a double agent - two separate people - is that some sort of disassociative identity disorder or split personality thing?
    I get so confused - did I already say that?


  • minimus

    CoCo, we're double agents, alright!... TSOF, not fair!......FF, YOU are FUNNY!

  • mia_b

    Relationship with none jw and never a jw was way easier from my point of view - i got someone who supports me no matter what and doesnt put god in front of me. simon my hubby supports ME all the way, regardless of what anyone else tells him to do!

  • minimus

    Of course it can be argued that having a relationship with another exjw is better due to understanding all the factors.

  • restrangled

    What is the most frustrating time is the period between being a card carrying JW to the time that they finally embrace the title of ex-JW. I'm referring to the time period when the person has faded yet still blindly adheres to the nonsensicle notions drummed into their head by their exposure to the WTS.

    The fading mate would say stuff like

    "Well I still believe their teachings, just not the organization"

    or "God will straighten it out in time"

    or "Even if there is only a 5% chance, what if they are right?"

    Where it becames really bad is when it effects the kids. When the fading mate objects to having the kids play sports, or doesn't want to celebrate Xmas because her mother may see the Xmas tree. So essentially your mate is a fader, who still thinks and lives in fear, like a JW. So in essence your family is still affected by the cult. You may press on and get your way, yet it comes with an unneccessarily high price for the whole family.

    Minimus, I think that this in between state that I'm referring to as the fade can last a month for some people and twenty years for others. In my wife's case it was 30 years of limbo. I say that because until her mother shunned her, she lived a double life. When her mother shunned her, she nearly fell apart. She found JWD and was glued to it 18 hours a day, wine glass in hand for a good month. The rest of us went on with our business. I was furious that her mother had shunned her and for a while we had that in common. Eventually she just became a JWD groupie. What changed was that eventually she started talking about what was on JWD. OK she was getting better. I admit to a bit of resentment in terms of thinking "Why the hell couldn't you see this 20 years ago, but that quickly passed." Then when it was obvious that she was going to stay a JWD groupie, I had to make a decision to either support that, feign interest or ignore it. I decided to support it.

    At this point, having an ex-JW JWD groupie far out weighs having a fader. The cobwebs have been shaken. She pulls me into JWD about once every two months, by loudly proclaiming that someone on the board is treating her unfairly. As you know by now. Restrangled is not shy about giving her opinion on most any subject. So I get dragged into the middle of a thread on pornography only to find that all her facts and figures aren't quite right. Then I look a little further to find that my openminded wife in real life reads like Jerry Fallwell. I scan up and down the porn thread to find the poster that can take a good hit. But after calling Abaddon out, I realize that he carries some important wisdom. It is the wisdom that will speed up the process between being a fader and ex-JW. Support your opinion with facts. Why is this important? Because the cobwebs that you may not realize are still there from the JW days are only going to be cleaned by really, really testing your assumptions and statements... about everything.

    People like Abaddon are the drill sergeants of JWD. Opinionated, relentless, but with a good message "Keep thinking and backing up your statements with facts."

    My long winded message is that the fade portion hurts everyone, the fader and those around them. How long they stay a fader is up to them, but its not just about them, it affects everyone around them

    r's hubby's last post for a while

  • Honesty
    If you're married or dating someone that never was a JW, is it difficult??


    She witnesses to JW's about Christ's love whenever she gets a chance and says God performed a miracle when He saved me out of the cult.

  • avishai

    OK, Yeah, I'll admit it. Early on, and sometimes since, it HAS been difficult to deal with me from a never jw perspective. I was a big pain in the ass.

  • minimus

    Restrangled's Hubby, PLEASE PLEASE stay on this board. You are soooo refreshing!...........Avishai, how were you a pain??

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