Yeah, so I go to the meeting the other day

by JamieL 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • JamieL

    First off, welcome. We haven't conversed before and, thank you for your post. I haven't read any of your previous posts so I am unaware of your history with the JW's.

    You mention that you are d/f'd, still attending meetings. And, that you experienced child abuse.

    Can I ask, what is the reason for your attending (I'm assuming it's for reinstatement) and was the child abuse within the congregation?


    PS, A little background of me, I'm a 3rd generation JW who I suffered child abuse within the congregation.


    My brother abused me, so when I say child abuse it's not like I was beaten, I mean the other kind. I go fo reinstatement yes, but I also go for me. Like I said, it's real easy for me to get involved in things I should not be unless I remind myself about the bible and some boundaries. If I didn't I would be pretty immoral.

    I would drink, and party, and get with whoever I could, and probably not care that much about anyone except for myself, and I don't want to be that.

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    "I would drink, and party, and get with whoever I could, and probably not care that much about anyone except for myself, and I don't want to be that."

    Jamie, I echo Uzzah's words here. You don't need the JWs. You need a therapist. Someone to help you sort out what you've been through and help you heal. Your comment I quoted sounds like you have a tendency towards self-destructive behavior (not that those behaviors are destructive in and of themselves, it's the underlying self-loathing you seem to exude), understandable considering what you've been through. I would strongly suggest that you find yourself a mental health professional to work with. It's hard work but so is torturing yourself trying to get reinstated into a cult that doesn't care for you. You deserve better.

    tall penguin

  • anewme

    Jamie, you do sound like a nice person. Been there, done that on the reinstatement effort. I suffered the torture for six months until they told me my reinstatement may take a year, then I gave out. It was too painful and lonely and degrading......and in the end pointless to me.
    I think it was suggested a little therapy might help you to put away the feelings of low self esteem and see that your past abuse was not about you at all and your future is as bright as you want it to be.

    Then again, staying with this forum is alot like therapy, maybe better. Through conversations here and writing your thoughts and story you will grow in understanding of yourself and the world around you.
    There actually is plenty of spirituality going on right here on these pages.
    The people here are working it all out themselves using their own consciences to make decisions (better than relying on some group of men in New York to make your moral decisions for you and tell you how to live you life) Your problems of the past were about trusting others to make decisions FOR YOU. You must learn to trust your own heart in the matters of right and wrong. It is a quality guide. (Funny how the Watchtower misleads and tells you not to trust your own heart!!!! Bad, cult teachings, intended to enslave you)

    After I left the Watchtower I was astounded to find the average Jane and Joe out there using their brains and consciences to make some very wise and moral decisions. And I continue to be impressed with the comments from the JWD members here who have left Kingdom Halls all over the world in disgust.
    You do not need the Kingdom Hall to be a moral and good person Jamie.

    Continue to read and write here and you will grow, guaranteed!



  • JamieL

    Yes, I'm aware I don't need a KH to be moral. But I believe in Jehovah and his principles and the bible, so I think I do need prayer, study, and the responsibility that goes with saying your worship Jehovah in your heart.

    What I am saying is that it does help to keep me level headed and reminds me of the need to try to keep my morality as it relates to trying to worship Jehovah.

    One of the problems is I don't have many friends, if any actually. I don't come to think of it, I work and have those guys at work, but we don't hang out. I live alone.

    I too have been surprised at some of the good decisions most human beings make. I don't look down on anyone for what they do, but I do disagree with some things that they do. But I've also known from experience people that you think seem good, but when push comes to shove they will choose themselves over anything else and what matters to them personally. And a lot of what human beings desire inside becomes greater because of choosing what we want first. And then it gets taken further, to say cheating, drinking in excess, hurting people, even killing.

    I mean, I've hung out with all kinds of people, I was on the sailing team in college and that was one of the greatest experiences of my life. But it was one giant excuse to party, but I was able to keep myself thru it all. I never did something I thoght would have been wrong, never did drugs, never slept with anyone I wasn't committed to. But people around there were doing all those things and worse. Does it make them a bad person? I don't know, maybe. They might have good intentions, but our actions define what our hearts really desire. So I also don't think we can just excuse peoples behavior. I mean a lot of people in the Bible say like David, he was torn over what he did, it didn't make it less wrong, and he suffered consequences for it. How many people do you see that torn at heart over the things they have done? Crying out for forgiveness over it. I see a lot of people who seem like they don't think that anything is off limits and you should do it all and not care let alone feel bad over it. So should there be consequences?

    Who knows, I'm not god, but I know what I think is wrong and what I think is right and if someone asks me I certainly wouldn't shy from telling them what I think or excusing someones behavior. That's my whole thing, if I was ever to leave for good, what would I become? I know a lot of witnesses that have left that turn to all kinds of behavior that would be wrong for anyone thinking rationally, I don't think it's fair to say "well they were restricted for so long and they are just acting out" I just think if anyone were to leave make sure you intend to live a good life and not just be angry, or be hurtful, or just try to get yours because you feel so taken advantage of for so long.

    Anyway, that's how I feel. And as far as therapy, I'm kinda a cheap skate, so I would rather get it out this way. My insurance I don't believe would cover such a thing, maybe when I have more money, or something along those lines. Or can anyone recommend something that might be cheap, say less than hundreds of dollars an hour?

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