Still go to jw funerals?

by Dune 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dune

    I've been fading for about 6 months now and a couple of witnesses in my old congregation have died. A smidget of me wanted to go for the sentimental reasons. But i knew i wouldnt be able to handle the 'lovebombing', the questioning and a restart on harassment by the elders.

    What do you guys do when a jw you knew dies?

  • needproof

    I wouldn't cross the road for them, they were nowhere to be seen when I left.

  • Lumptard

    Depends on how well I knew them and how they treated me when they were alive. Good people are good people no matter what religion they are.

  • undercover

    Depends on who it is.

    Just as it is with "regular" folks, it would be the same for JWs.

    There are some people whose funeral I would attend...or at least go to the family night/viewing/whatever it's called usually held the night before the funeral.

    But there are some people that I wouldn't give more than a moment's thought on if I heard they died, let alone go to their funeral.

    I try hard to not lump all JWs into a class of people, all to be treated the same. I try to treat them and remember them as individuals. Some good, some bad, some in between. Those that I respected and liked, I would be sorry to hear of their passing and would pay my respects in some way. Those that I didn't care for, I wouldn't give much thought too, nor attend their funeral.

    Since I am inactive and not DFd or DAd, it is easier for me to show my face in such situations. Those that are DFd or DAd would have a whole different set of circmustances.

  • Vinny

    This thread might help from last week.

    I went and here was my conclusion:

    Okay, I went... and I am glad I went because it proved to me that I should NEVER go back again!

    I saw over 400 people that I have known for nine years or more at that funeral. NONE of them would even say a hello. I simply disassociated less than one year ago, without committing any sin in the process. (I just elected to formally leave the faith rather than be handcuffed by them... I have NO regrets about that decision). I am walking right there with my wife, holding her hand (she has simply faded away), and numerous people would stop to hug her, thank her for coming and cry with her. Yet it was as if I was not even there at all, though I am RIGHT THERE. My 20 year old son, who was disfellowshipped several years ago and was also with us, and was also shunned entirely. He was Df'd at only 16, just months after his own mother (my first wife over 18 years ago) committed suicide with gun in mouth minutes after talking with us on the phone. He has since rebounded from that extremely difficult, minor-rebellious time (with NO help from the cong since was also shunned entirely since that point), but has rebounded very nicely with a good paying, very stable job, by getting married one year ago and by finding emotional support from myself as well as other NON-JW friends. There was nothing even close to warmth at this JW funeral for him either. He LOOKED depressed just sitting there.

    Additionally, the talk was a disaster. Perhaps 2 minutes total was about Luke (the now deceased kid), while the other 30 minutes was the generic JW indoctrination attempts. It was embarrassingly obvious. Our non JW neighbor was also there and commented on just how little was mentioned of the PERSON she went there to remember. My step-daughter (still active JW... just returned from 6 mos in Europe yesterday), also thought the talk stank. That's because it did stink. The PO that gave the talk has no kids and is an organizational-man. By the book.

    So, in a nutshell, you go to a JW funeral, get shunned the entire time, get to listen to some pompous, heartless elder do the boring, repetitive JW outline and then get sent home. You see all of the other politics involved in the process like the begging Ministerial Servants kissing up to the elders. The young kids all dressed up in suits/dresses, looking like their parents, doing what the parents command, so that these same parents get to look like good little obedient JW's. I went for Luke, though of course, he is now dead.

    Unless my own family is the one that has died and being used as the JW indoctrination carrot, I am staying home. A lesson learned...

    Many thanks for all of your contributions!!

  • fullofdoubtnow

    I wouldn't go to a kh under any circumstances. I have no jw relatives anyway, and no friends now, as they all shun me. I wouldn't subject myself to going into a room with a few hunderd of them there, and having to listen to a bs funeral talk that is more an attempt at "giving a witness" to the non jws there than honouring the deceased anyway.

  • Mulan

    We have sent cards and flowers, but have not attended a JW memorial or funeral.

    We reason that our presence would be a distraction from the reason everyone is there. We were too well known, and our fading out proved to be a big scandal in this area. There are still militant JW's who try to get us disfellowshipped, even now after 11 years.

  • Vinny

    Um, Fullofdoubtnow, do you remember the advice you gave ME, just last week on this same issue?

    You said:..."Much as I would hate the thought of stepping inside another kingdom hall, having da'd myself 15 months ago, **I would go**. You will probably feel very bad about not going, and you would be paying your respects to a friend."

    **** Just F.Y.I....

    Trust me, I do understand why you would not want to go. But the the 180 change in just one week is rather unusual. Perhaps my own expereience helped changed your mind. It sure did mine...

    Peace, Vinny

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I don't go to funerals, but will go to the funeral home for visitation. I am a fader, so I am not totally shunned. There are some who hug me and greet me kindly and others who look at me with suspicion.

    If it is a family I was close to or fond of, I wouldn't hesitate. I do try to avoid sitting through a funeral discouse, however. It just makes me feel too creepy and upset as I disagree with most of what they say.

    If I was shunned by everyone though, I don't think I would bother. Too upsetting and bizarre.

  • pratt1

    I have attended a few, it depends on how close I was to them when I drank the Kool Aid.

    One grow up with me like a brother.

    One was the parent of a very good friend who treated me like a son, and she never stopped speaking to me.

    One was the father of another faded friend and I when to morally support her because I knew there were those in her family'scircle that objected to her attending. I basically played line backer for her.

    One I didn't attend because the family refused to invite 2 of their disfellowshipped kids. Since I have only faded, I just felt it would be hypercritical for me to attend.

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