XJW Meetups: They're not singles bars, dammit.

by ColdRedRain 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • ColdRedRain

    Ok, I just had to vent. I found out somebody in our local Minneapolis/Saint Paul meetup has been harassing one of our meetup attendees. This person has been getting multiple phone calls from this person even though they've been told in a gentle way "I'm not interested, back off, you're old enough to be my dad." This guy has scared off an otherwise interesting person that can give good insight on the JW's.

    I currently attend school with this person, and quite frankly, it's sad that she no longer attends the meetups because this middle aged man keeps on harassing young women.

    I wish more XJW's would treat the meetups as support gatherings and not a pickup bar, and also remember the 12th commandment: Thou shall not shitteth in thy own backyard.

  • greendawn

    It is always annoying when this happens this persistence is not something good it can be so vexing for the person being pursued.

  • MadTiger

    Sounds like the guy is "Mail Order Bride"-material

  • Finally-Free

    I've never been able to understand the thinking processes of someone who can't (won't) understand the meaning of a simple "NO". I've never asked a woman out a second time after being turned down once. What for? If they change their mind, they know where to find me.

    Perhaps the guy should no longer be welcome at future meetups.


  • AudeSapere
    Finally-Free wrote: Perhaps the guy should no longer be welcome at future meetups.

    I agree. The 'victim' should not be made to feel unwelcome. Also, it may be up to the organizer to speak up and address the offender.


  • Uzzah

    It looks like I have a different take on this. Especially since we are only hearing one side of it and that view is only from a third party.

    It is normal for people with similar backgrounds to end up being attracted to each other. So while going to these meet ups to 'pick up' may not be your motive, it could very well be for others. That does not make it wrong. Whenever I have organized ex-jw groups I let the people attending decide the dynamics. If two people want to hook up, that is their business. I personally have not come to these things to 'hook up' but others have, who am I to judge.

    As adults each person attending should all be capable of establishing their own appropriate boundaries. Basic conflict resolution dictates speaking with the person. If she has 'gently told him" (note for some this means different things) then it is time for her to ensure a clear message is sent. For example, you say he has called repeated times. Does she engage him in the conversation even politely listening or has she actually said, "I would prefer that you not call. Let's just stick to seeing each other at the meet ups with everyone else (or similar)."

    Throwing out a few different perspectives on this: .. is it the age difference that bugs you? Your profile says you are 25 so are you 'interested' in this young gal or just naturally protective? Perhaps the 'middle aged guy' is still reacting like he did while in the Org where pursuing girls half your age is acceptable. Could i t be that part of the leaving process is learning better communication styles. Or perhaps this 'middle age guy' is in fact a perv and should not be welcome.

    Lots of unknowns here and I did enough cutting off and judging while being an elder to actually support it on what I've read so far. In case anyone is so inclined to turn this around on me, yes I am middle-aged, never been to a meet-up in Minnesota and I have in fact been asked out by girls half my age and declined. Ten-twelve years difference is my max range and even that is pushing it imo.

    A different slant but my 2 cents.


  • Rooster

    A middle aged man has been hitting me and I am married!!!

  • LongHairGal


    Even if it was a singles bar, the girl declined and said she was not interested. Case closed. However, you can meet people anywhere and ex-jw meetup is no exception. But, it does seem unhealthy for him to continue to pursue somebody who is clearly not interested. I think he needs professional help and an introduction to reality.

    Many years ago, I was asked by a brother to deliver literature to an older man who was either his old study or inactive. It seems I worked near this person. When I contacted him to deliver the literature and after we spoke briefly and I gave regards on behalf of the brother who sent me on the errand, the man asked me out. I declined as politely as I could. I was appalled by the 25 year age difference and also his appearance. When I related the story back to the brother's wife I said: "this is not a dating service." But at least this person did not keep pursuing me like the guy you mentioned.

    As far as the age difference, I agree with the poster who said 10 years difference is tops.


  • ColdRedRain

    I'm by no means interested in her. She's actually attatched right now so even if I was, there's no way I could go out with her. And besides, going out with anybody from the meetup group disobeys the 12th commandment: Thou shall not shitteth in thy own backyard.

    But it's kind of been an epidemic. Sad really. Anyways, I just want to tell him that I know what he's been doing and because of him, a friend of mine doesn't want to attend the meetup anymore. He knows who he is.

  • misanthropic

    ::XJW Meetups: They're not singles bars, dammit.

    Say it ain't so ;p
    The fact that she's complained to you and this guy hasn't stopped "bothering" her, makes me think maybe she should just be more straight foreward to him with how she feels about him hitting on her. Not too many people (men and women alike) are going to pursue someone once they say, "F*ck off and leave me alone". But that's just my 2 cents.

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