I believe I grew up a good son, for 10 years I stayed in a religion that I did not agree with.
The day my mother got cancer something died with in me. I didn't feel sorry for her I felt sorry for me.
Today I can justify this stance to myself. A few weeks ago I met a JW that had a full mastectomy.
I have seen so many JWs with serious illness, I don't know what it isn't investigated by some government organisation.
When my own mother was in hospital, she had built a shrine to Jehovah, the blood brochure being the center idol on the shrine, pages splayed open so it could be stood up for everybody to see, with images of paradise in the form of tracts surrounding the center idol, looking much like the heavenly veil often portrayed behind Buddha.
Her devotion was evident, especially as she was on a pilgrimage a significant number of JW women go though, wearing her new badge of honor( Scars that were once a breast) the whole congregation was there with her, well at least the ones she informed how she needs the support.
When I met another JW woman in Japan with a very similar tale, I actually panicked, I could feel my heart actually tear itself open. My pain was caused by how comfortable this JW woman was with her personal JW Religious Pilgrimage. She was almost bosting to me how she had gone through this ordeal, please don't think I am an uncaring person. For years I have been asking myself, what the full mastectomy really necessary. I just feel that far to many JW women rush into these operations too quickly. Why don't they investigate alternative therapy? They can investigate alternative blood products with such verver would make David Koresh envious. But not the same for maintaining their own bodies. That day I knew my mother loved the attention of her congregation and her idols that never answer back, than preserving her own self image.
So many years have passed, I cant even discuss the details of this with my mother, I feel it would destroy her, any small criticism's of her religion or choice of devotion over her children's wellbeing results in shunning, even without her congregations direction. Something very bad happened to me as a child, but I ended up repeatedly consoling her. Her faith was shaken because of it, and in a way I was made feel like I was bad for shaking her faith. Emotional blackmail such as "Do you want me to leave Jehovah for you" kept on popping up, to which I responded that she should carefully examine what that religion teaches and I can help her if she needs. Well the investigation never transpired, but something else hurt me a lot.
After I layed my heart open for her, that was prof enough for her that I left Jehovah because I have a problem in how I very the world, because of the bad things that happened in my life, I could never know a normal live, so I couldnt see how wonderful Jehovahs Kingdom is clearly. No matter how honest, close, "being there" for my mother, she will always chose Jehovah, her selfishness, her idols over me. She wears her badges and actually goes from house to house telling people of her badges and is happy until I actually try and show love and help her. I gave up so much for this religion, my childhood, my dignity in many ways. Only to hear stories of other women who do the exact same. How may JW Women in their 50's plus in your congregation do you know with so many major operations, how high is the count of Breast Cancer and Hysterectomies? I know people like to talk about how they overcame challenges in life, I commend them, but when there are alternatives it sickens me to see people making the wrong decision. If I did a survey of the same amount of women in my workplace, I wouldn't even get half the number of women who had to go through this.
I don't literally hate my mother, I hope this story shows its not really so, but I just feel like a shaking shell of a person, because I am so unsympathetic about the trials that JWs go though, I can never know when it is the religion or the person speaking, and I don't know what I can do to help these people. I can barely help myself get other being a child of Jehovah and I hate what Jehovah requires of Parents.
I hate my mother, that Jehovah created.
by vomit 16 Replies latest jw friends
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vomit
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Odrade
I agree so much with what you wrote. I hate the woman that "Jehovah" turned my mother into. I love my mother, but in many ways, that woman who showed up in my life when I was a toddler is not my mother.
She also suffers from severe health problems which she will only do enough to endure, since if she just waits long enough, Jehovah will fix it for her. She insists that I can't stand her, and in some respects she is right, since the JW "her" is inextricably tied with the real her... the mother who rode me around on her bicycle all the time just to hear me giggle, who read me Dr. Seuss because I loved it, though she didn't. Then she converted and she became a different person. The sad thing is, I don't even remember that lady, I just have her in old movies and photo albums. All I have is the fanatical JW who put meetings, studying her WT, and field service above laughing with her children.
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Paisley
vomit
I can never know when it is the religion or the person speaking, and I don't know what I can do to help these people. I can barely help myself get other being a child of Jehovah and I hate what Jehovah requires of Parents.
Vomit, I really really feel for you. How sad it is when I hear the empty way so many were raised by JW parents. The quote above is so right on in my experience. I'm sorry for whatever it was that you experienced growing up that ruined your view of things too. I hope you get some relief from that at some point.
About the mastectomies and hysterectomies, I had never thought about that connection. How interesting - I am not aware of the incidence of either being higher among JW women.
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jwfacts
Very honest and interesting post vomit.
the JW "her" is inextricably tied with the real her...
Odrade, I am trying to work out the same. My mother converted when I was two, and so I have know way of knowing who my mother was, as compared to my cult mother. Would I have loved the real mother more or would she have been the same person anyway, being an ardent Catholic previously? I doubt I will ever know.
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Gill
I think our 'real' parents were murdered by the WTBTS and its mind controling ways.
When we hear the nonsense that comes from the lips of our parents and see their stupidity and hard headedness when it comes to the WTBTS, it can bring out a 'hate' for the persons they have become and a wonderment of what might have been.....if only.
My daughter (non JW) took her new boyfriend (also non JW) to visit my parents, (both fanatical JWs) a couple of weeks ago.
The conversation was going well but my daughter was surprised with some of the things my mother said.
For instance, she told my daughters boyfriend, that they were 'In the Truth and this means we will never ever retire as we have a life saving work to do!' Then she told him, when they were discussing the cost of property and mortgages, that 'Christians should be satisfied with 'sustenance and covering like the apostle Paul said!' AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
So! My daughter had to re explain to her boyfriend after they left that her grandparents are in a crazy mind control cult and that's why they talk such utter BS!!!
I often wonder who my parents could have been. I think they would have been healthier, wealthier and happier if they had not fallen into the WTBTS tract.
You can't help loving them, but you hate what they have become.....Slaves of a ludicrous mind control cult that is really just a book publishing company!
Think! Your own flesh and blood are that stupid! And worse still! You have their genetic material!!!! Ye Gods!!!
Mym other needs a small surgery! She says 'What's the point? I've had it done before....I'll only have to have it done again! I'm not going!'
So playing her at her own game I suggested that she wait for Jehovah to fix it for her in the New System that is coming Soon!
She was not impressed and is going to go back to her GP and arrange her surgery!
Who they could have been we might never know. But I like to annoy the JW side of them and see if i can get a glimpse of what might have been!
Well....maybe in another life.....one day!
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carla
I wish my jw could read this and see his own children saying this in the years to come, or even now.
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Rooster
The JW religion gives their member's a reason to hate others. Remember "hate what Jehovah hates & Jehovah hates all non-members".
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anewme
Vomit, you are terribly dissappointed in your mother. You dont like her choice of religion and you dont like her choice of medical help. What do you like about her?????
Our parents are not perfect people. Who of us likes absolutely EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR PARENTS???
But we are the ones who will personally suffer if we cant find SOMETHING TO ADMIRE about our imperfect parents.
Im sorry about your lonely childhood. You needed your mom so much during some difficulties!
I hope you can find someone now to confide in and share your pain with. This will help you dry your tears about the past.
You cannot change your mother. She is who she is. The JWs sound unloving and mean sometimes because they are so scared to lose out on their hoped-for paradise. It is EVERYTHING to them.
Hate the Watchtower for that!
Now on the point of cancer treatment, the truth is the JWs are not the only people suffering from cancers and hysterectomies out there. Its a terrible problem and one you will have to face yourself in the future maybe. Sure eating right and exercise are helpful, but cancer is still quite a mystery and if you have the answer you will be a millionaire!
I am like you in that I do not like going to doctors and the thought of cutting my breasts off seems ghastly! But many women choose this procedure BECAUSE IT HAS PROVED EFFECTIVE IN PREVENTING THE CANCERS SPREAD. Women are DYING all over the world from this mysterious disease. It is real.
I have been out of the org for 6 years now and already my new worldly friends are getting their hysterectomies and their breasts removed due to cancer. It is not just a JW problem. It is a worldwide problem. In years past women just died. Partial lumpectomies and laetril and apricot kernels and
chelation treatments etc led to death eventually. The gals are going for the total removals because it is working. Women are alive 10,15,20, 30 years after mastectomy and hysterectomy.
Staying alive is very important to most people. Please try to understand their feelings and respect their feelings and opinions on this subject. I have been as afraid of cancer and the surgery as you. But now I am resigned somewhat to the reality most of us women must face these days.
Not having any insurance is what I must deal with now. I am going to be 53 and must face the reality of NO MEDICAL HELP AVAILABLE TO ME IN THE CASE OF CANCER.
Guess I'll be chewing on apricot kernels and drinking those fresh squeezed veggie juices!
Anewme -
vomit
Thanks for all the encouraging replies, but I wrote my story more for lurkers and people that need to know how destructive a JW lifestyle can be for a family. Something that they advertise as a selling point to how good their religion is.
I was not raised by a mother at all times, I was raised by `Family Book`(the old yellowish one) and the "Young People Ask" book. When I question anything, I get rhetoric in that `She did it all for her children` when in actuality she did everything for her own "salvation". I have been raised from quote to quote, fruitages of the spirit, Spare the rod spoil the child. Quoting to you children, is not raising them.
But anewme I knew my mother for 8 years before she became a robot, I also know she is capable of actually being a great mother at times. When my mother really help me, was when she told me the truth about her life, problems I could relate to, real life situations that people have to get on with and show that life isnt all that great but we have to live it. That is real parenting, showing your children your mistakes so they can identify with you and have a real bond.
I also know my mother was a fighter, she fought for that religion all to hard, my mother was out preaching just 2 month and probably was one of the quickest conversions the JWs have. There are certainly ideals I fought for in my life, but when presented with real evidence I have dropped them, especially when this ideal is destructive to people around me.
"Vomit, you are terribly dissappointed in your mother. You dont like her choice of religion and you dont like her choice of medical help. What do you like about her?????"
My mother is in fact two people, and I certainty hate one of them, I deeply love the other, and have really sacrificed many years of my life and some of my future life for both of them. Doesn't that sentence sound schizophrenic? Well it is because first and foremost you are talking to a religion when you interact with these people. They have given up anything that resembles choice in their lives.
"I hope you can find someone now to confide in and share your pain with."
Actually for many people its impossible to find anybody that will totally understand how it was growing up in a cult, they just don't know the dept it goes to, for exjw children many find it difficult to really interact with people. When I was a bit younger, even I though of going back, I couldn't bare the though of not having a virginal wife. I was a virgin until I was 20ish. These relics of your upbringing aren't easily shaken and people feel uncomfortable around you.
"Hate the Watchtower for that!"
I do hate the Watchtower for that, that is why I made the distinction about my Jehovah Mother. But it only goes so far, choosing peer pressure over you children's wellbeing can only be forgiven to a point, or they have no reason to change. They are also quicker to forgive their peers than the failings of their own children to a point the wont even accept criticisms of their cult buddies over people on the outside, even for very serious issues such as pedophilia.
Cancer is something I am no stranger to myself, I have had a few biopsies and good amount of tissue removal, benign, but I still live with the threat. Thankfully I have seen that quite a few people even here have recognized the level of illness in the JWs religion, some congregations almost every woman has CFS(I would guess stress related not because or glandular fever) other congregations its Prescription Drug abuse. The shun their children for experimenting with drugs yet are so doped up to just cope with being a JW. Can you honestly tell me my observations are wrong? I have seen this in congregations is 5 separate countries, one of these countries for example CFS is almost unknown to the medical profession, they learned it from the awake. These people actually want to be ill so they can identify with each other.
The kool aid is very diluted in this religion but the poison is still there it just takes a little longer for them to die. -
Paisley
vomit
The kool aid is very diluted in this religion but the poison is still there it just takes a little longer for them to die.
Good one.