Do you tend to think that many things "go without saying"? I do...

Paisley

After an eye-opening conversation with an old acquaintance yesterday, someone I don't know well but thought I had some clue about , I could really use your opinions on this!

We've all heard it said "I'm not a mind reader you know, speak up! I didn't know you felt that way." Right??

Now here's the scenario. Summer day, high noon, just getting out of the meeting. Hubby is an elder, has already dealt with his various little matters after the meeting; the necessary and/or desired socializing is all finished, and the family heads out to the car, with lunch plans already discussed.

Wife and young children get in the car, get settled, and up walks some brother, some ministerial servant, who wants to talk to the husband. Oh well, you roll your eyes and accept the inevitable, and figure the conversation will be brief and if necessary, they can exchange phone numbers and talk later.

Remember it is a hot summer day and the car has been parked in the sun for about 3 hours. The wife and little children are now sitting in this car for what turns into about an hour! We open the doors, the windows, even get out at some point, as it is sweltering. The kids are restless, hungry, and the wife is as usual, wishing husband would just once follow through with the plans he has made with his family.

MY QUESTION IS THIS: Doesn't it go without saying that it's thoughtless, even unkind, to leave the family in the car like this, standing in the parking lot shooting the breeze with an equally thoughtless person? The conversation was jocular, so it didn't seem like some serious matter needing immediate attention. And even if it was serious, shouldn't they have had a little consideration for the family? Is it not blatantly OBVIOUS?

Tell me if I'm wrong. The reason I ask is, yesterday when I gave this example to my old acquaintance, he actually asked me if I "had let my husband know that I wanted to get going". That perhaps I should have communicated this to him, else how would he know?

I'm stunned at that reaction and wonder how many men out there feel the same way, that they would have to be a mind reader to know it would bother a wife and little kids to sit in a sweltering car in the hot sun for an hour for no reason?

Odrade

Wouldn't have mattered in our family as we were not allowed to approach and/or interrupt Dad when he was talking with another brother. But it also wouldn't have happened. We used to stand just out of earshot and wait for him to pause the conversation and ask what we needed. He always did within a minute or two. As for leaving us sitting in the car, he would have handed mom the keys and said "go on home," then caught a ride or walked home (1.5 miles) when he was finished. It happened lots of times.

So, yes, it goes without saying. It was terribly inconsiderate.

return visitor

From a man's point of view, yes it was inconsiderate, and should have been painfully obvious. The shame of it is that the bible tells us to take care of those of our own household first. So even if there was important cong. problems, it still would have been wrong.

RV

Paisley

Thanks Odrade

Wouldn't have mattered in our family as we were not allowed to approach and/or interrupt Dad when he was talking with another brother. But it also wouldn't have happened. We used to stand just out of earshot and wait for him to pause the conversation and ask what we needed. He always did within a minute or two. As for leaving us sitting in the car, he would have handed mom the keys and said "go on home," then caught a ride or walked home (1.5 miles) when he was finished. It happened lots of times.

Your dad sounds more reasonable and thoughtful in this. And I'm very glad to hear that he would pause his conversations to ask what you needed. My husband would never do that for his children. I do not exaggerate. They would get someone's cell phone and call the KH from the parking lot to get him to come to the phone so they could tell him something. Or they would have someone else pass him a note at the Hall, after a meeting, to try to say something to him.

So the good part of all this is that the kids were not in fear of him, so I always appreciated that. He was not brutal or violent nor was he a punisher. But oh my goodness, thoughtless and insensitive to the nth degree.

I always thought he must be missing a chip in his brain somewhere!!

Odrade

My dad is a good man and I love him. It makes me sad that his sense of loyalty and "right" keeps him in slavery to an organization like the WT.

mama1119

Definitely inconsiderate. My Dad was a little bit like that, he would talk and talk while we waited in the parking lot (Mom was not one to enjoy visiting after) and she would have to go back in a couple times and remind him we were waiting.

My husband was never a dub, but he has to be told everything. He cannot pick up on irritation or impatience at all. i could definitely see him doing something like that and if I didn't say something it would go on and on. Luckily, I don't keep quiet in those kinds ofsituations. I would jump in the drivers seat and say I'll be back to pick you up after lunch buddy.

thebiggestlie

this thread is all about my dad...

misanthropic

::this thread is all about my dad...

mine too.

Paisley

Thanks RV

From a man's point of view, yes it was inconsiderate, and should have been painfully obvious. The shame of it is that the bible tells us to take care of those of our own household first. So even if there was important cong. problems, it still would have been wrong.
RV

It always amazed me that the bible instructed men to take care of their own, and if they did not do that, how could they take care of the congregation? And yet many, though clearly not all, families of elders were terribly neglected. First our elder child was reproved, being told she had come "this close" to being disfellowshipped, but due to mercy, sincere repentance, and extenuating circumstances, was only publicly reproved; then our second child was shocked to be disfellowshipped for something he had done only once, but there were other things he was involved in such as underage drinking (gee I wonder why). But he was deeply remorseful and humble about it all. He didn't resent the action taken by the congregation at all. Very interesting to me. My sweet kids. But in all this, their dad never considered stepping aside, and the brothers reassured him that it was due to no neglect on his part, he had after all always studied with them regularly and had taken them to the meetings and out in service....Never mind he never did any fun or family things with them and always holed up in his study from the moment he came home till after they went to bed every night.

Paisley

Mama

Definitely inconsiderate. My Dad was a little bit like that, he would talk and talk while we waited in the parking lot (Mom was not one to enjoy visiting after) and she would have to go back in a couple times and remind him we were waiting.
My husband was never a dub, but he has to be told everything. He cannot pick up on irritation or impatience at all. i could definitely see him doing something like that and if I didn't say something it would go on and on. Luckily, I don't keep quiet in those kinds ofsituations. I would jump in the drivers seat and say I'll be back to pick you up after lunch buddy.

Good to know! I take it you're fully convinced he means well in spite of this quirk then! Good. As far as driving off without him, see that was the problem. We wanted his company. It was so rare to be in his company. And when we were together, he was lost in thought, never fully there with us anyway. Am I whining enough today?? Lol. I'm just saying these things to see how common it all may have been and also to hopefully remind some fathers and husbands that wives and children are people too, and not to blow it for themselves and their families, only to regret it later when it would be too late.

Do you tend to think that many things "go without saying"? I do...

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