by new boy 53 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
The old age question...........
Say, your "soul mate" the love of your life, goes on a trip with some friends.........something happens one night...... they have sex with a stranger( or even a friend)............They come home and tell you what they did............They still love YOU.
What would you do?...............Is the marriage over? Or what?
NB
I've always been of the mind if you really love each other you can work thru anything even this, if you both want to. And that is the kicker, you have to both really want to cause it won't be easy.
But no, cheating is not an absolute deal breaker for me.
My wife and I have built a relationship on total trust.
I am not the least bit jealous, I totally trust my wife.
I would totally NOT forgive cheating. That would
end the trust. Done.
Well if he still loves me, and that we can still bring to each other what we need ... I guess the cheating stuff is not a real problem
I stayed 11 years with a guy that I knew was cheating on me - discretly * but not enough for not being obvious to me at some point. It's not the real reason why we broke up.
(*) discretly : at first - LOL - he just wanted more and forget about why it was not a real probleme at first in being as discret as possible
The probleme is when you have to deal with a third party(I'm not supposed to be bothered more than it is somehow already by anyone) or that my dear is not so dear anymore ...
Some guys just can't fight against Lust - and the danger with lust is that since they didn't have what they wanted they keep having fanasy about the one they feel to fill .... LOL ... So somehow it's better to have him to get what he wants ... Then you'll know if he still want to be with you or not ... It's more bothering when it's a regular thing (How can he really be there for you? what will he bring to you - did he protect himself ?... so much question it becomes very hard to deal with)
I want my man to be with me, when he wants to be with me ... and reverse (same for me) ... no forcing - also don't ask me to be faithfull if you are not like I'm in his jail when he is having fun ... the problem is that I am faithfull (it's a question of pride not even of love to me) that's why I don't want to get married ... to skip away when from day one I decided to.
Keeping love awake is a day to day thing with lots of understanding ... but my understanding have LIMITS!
It would be a definite deal breaker for me. I would be out.
Also no vows (so I don't break anything) as long as he and I are sincere (I don't see any reason to get any paper signed - it's all in the heart) - I mean sure when you make vows you are supposed to stand by it / ortherwise sure it's unfaithfull ... That's why getting married is a real big matter ... you really got to make sure you'll be able to be faithfull but also that you don't ask too much to the other one (is it love then? - I don't know)
being together is not a matter of security - it's a matter of affinity/complicity
I f my wife was having with other people because I was ill, unable to preform- I could forgive her. If she was having sex with someone else because she didn't want to have sex with me- then no I wouldn't. If she was having sex with me and someone else on the side, I try to figure why first, was she just addicted to sex, Was any of it my fault ? I'd probably end it with her. I don't like giving up what I have, but I don't feel I should have to fight to keep her.
I am happy someone brought this question up, because my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight and he kissed another girl (a girl who he grew up with and she also confessed she liked him). He said that he told her he only wanted to be with me and ever since that happened I am having a hard time trusting whenever she is around him.
He said that she understands they are just friends, but she has been in his life forever and she's pretty much staying there... I want to be with him, but I do have a trust issue and I just really don't know what to do.
That's why getting married is a real big matter
Yes it is...It is better not to vow!!!! So living together is the norm today, I dont agree with it ,but the marriage vow to me means a lot!!!! My hubby cheated on me ,yes I was devastated for awhile but I loved the guy....So I forgave him. we were married 41-1/2 years . I was so pleased I stayed till the end.But I do have to admit I cheated on him after he did, a kind of revenge thing, ( I was not a JW at the time ) As he was dying we knew we really had tried to be faithful but the flesh is weak. He forgave me I forgave him. I believe God forgives us all( Is there any who have not sinned?) Pray about it !!!! If you love her really love her you will "Love is long suffering"
An old lady's two cents
I used to be so different on this subject.
I was a typical JW wife and well I would have said absolute deal breaker at one point.
Now I have to say that although I agree with Xena:
I've always been of the mind if you really love each other you can work thru anything even this, if you both want to. And that is the kicker, you have to both really want to cause it won't be easy.
That probably with my tendency to not want to share my toys..that I doubt I could last it.
I don't think the 1 night stand thing you described would hurt half as bad or be unforgiveable as a person who cheats and goes about it for months or years on end. I would find that down right insulting and it would probably make me crazy. Personally I think I would would just have to walk away. That is if I did not pop a cap in the others ass first. How damn hard is it to just set the other person loose if you need to go fulfill some desire? At any rate...I think people can work thru it...I doubt I am one of them.
