by Narkissos 49 Replies latest jw friends
I felt the future for me and for the world was perilous, hopeless; and along came these dignified, highly self-assured people with all the answers! I knew nothing of the Bible, and they seemed to know it inside and out, so their take on most things seemed right to me at the time.
That and they embraced me so completely - I was instantly part of an active group of well-respected young people, with lots of social plans and plenty of purpose. Wow!
I was one confused, lonely, mixed-up young dude.
One thing that really sold me on the religion (and that turned out to be a complete illusion) was the supposed egalitarian nature of JW's - you know, no paid clergy, the Worldwide Brotherhood™, yadda yadda. I had always hated authority, hated alpha males, hated the Darwin side of life, and in contrast JW males seemed to be so peaceful and kindly and nonaggressive. For me it was love at first meeting.
Also there was the apocalyptic fears that still run pretty deep. I had come to the conclusion as a young man that humans would destroy both each other and the earth's ability to sustain life, completely, in my lifetime, and I was plagued by visions of violent chaos and societal breakdown. So you can imagine how much of a relief it was for me to hear that Jerhover would destroy this Old System™ before any of that happened. Not only that, but I could be spared!
How I interpret the experience now is that, just as bullies and their victims have a symbiotic relationship and neither is completely to blame because a lot of it is just genetic and the group social dynamics that have evolved over millions of years, I think it's the same sorta relationship with crackpot authoritarian religions and confused, anxious, lonely people. I don't consider myself to be a victim of the WTS, not at all. It just happened, it was probably inevitable.
"This obviously applies to those who became JWs -- hence mostly not born-in, although some of the latter might admit to having chosen the JW way for themselves at a certain stage of their childhood or teenage years."
IMHO, any "born-in" that ends up staying with the borg (regardless of the age they were baptized) did make a conscious decision at some point in their development, just as myself, a "born-in" had to make a deliberate decision to reject the WTS (granted, it was an incredibly obvious decision at the time! LOL....)
Narkissos,
What a complex question. I am not sure that any of us who 'converted' to the JW's rather than were raised in it will ever know the answer to this question - perhaps the answers are visceral and not intellectual. I know that a couple of events played their part, but who can know for sure?
In many ways I blame my conversion from child of the 60's to Jehovah's Useful Fool on the nation of France.
I do recall studying in Paris during the '68 riots. It was a horrifying experience, both compelling and terrifying. I was a very young man, a teenager away from my family, and was overwhelmed by the violence and the passion of the riots and rioters, with whom I had sympathies. I returned to the UK a few months later and found it hard to fit into the life that I had left behind. This event had changed me, and if anything made me even more idealistic and repulsed by the power of the mob and its thinking.
A year or two later I was waiting for a bus close to a supermarket. I looked in the window and noticed a young blonde haired girl looking at me with a strange look in her eyes. By her side was a boy, around seventeen with tousled red hair who had cotton-batting hanging from his ears and a sawn-off shotgun in his hands. As the girl looked at me crying out for help with her eyes, he shot her full in the head which basically caused it to vaporize over the window in a cloud of blood and brain matter. The young man calmly put down the gun and walked out of the store. I was in shock to say the least, and was carrying a cymbal stand with which I struck him as he passed. It hardly registered, but he stumbled, sat on the pavement and waited for the police. Apparently this young girl had once been his sweetheart. Sometimes I still dream of her eyes.
These two events made me easy fodder for a message that seemed to satisfy me on an intellectual level, grew in the Catholic setiments sown in me as a child, and above all promised the utopia that more than one person was searching for in the 60's. Within two years I sensed emotionally that I had made a huge mistake, but by then was trapped within my own conundrum, and one with which I wrestled with for decades.
Frankly, I would still like for the best part of the nonsense, people living in peace in a world of equal pleasures to be true. But then, I always was a bit of a dreamer.
HS
Blondie said exactly how I feel: I finally learned that religion was not required in a spiritual life.
I was "raised as a JW"...got baptized to follow Jesus example in 1974.......Due to lack of love I could no longer support a religion that was based on performance and not spirituality.
wow hillary. intense. i can't believe you saw that stuff at such a close range.
tetra
nice thread Nark!!!!
purps
Being young, stupid and thinking I already figured out the world
The dubs came to our door when I was 12. I was very shy, youngest daughter with two older smart beautiful sisters. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Moving around, due to my dad being in the military, probably didn't help.
My mom was looking for something and she had a lot of issues due to her own mother commiting suicide that made it difficult for her to commit to a religion that taught hell fire. She invited the dubs in and started a bible study. I used to listen in while sitting on the stairs. I liked it because it wasn't an overly emotional religion, I've never been one for displaying overt emotion in public. To me, with my limited knowledge, it seemed logical. In retrospect the format they use for teaching you really fosters that impression.
When I went to the Kingdom Hall I was, for the most part, accepted. I found a niche there that I hadn't had before. Built in friends who had to like me and if they didn't it was obviously because they were weak in the "truth" and not because there was anything wrong with me.
I guess my reasons were social more than anything. Plus it gave me a connection with God without me having to let lose of any of my emotional control.
Interesting looking back like that.
No one asked me if I wanted
