An Update!

Bstndance

For those of you that have followed my soap-opera on this board...

Quick re-cap. Recently, my mom was threatened by the elders to stop associating with me or else. I guess she feared I was becoming an "apostate". About a month ago, she called me crying and said she can no longer speak with me anymore. Two days later, I spouted off a five page letter and refrained from getting critical of the JWs just tried to use logic to patch things up.

I thought logic worked because she called me after she received the letter and said that she is not cutting me off and will write me a letter with some stipulations regarding our relationship. Well a month later, I found out logic did not prevail. I finally received her response. I really don't need to rehash it here because it is the typical JW mother letter. Oy vey!! Basically she says we can't talk about all of the subjects we used to discuss. Here is a woman that had a very open relationship with her children (we felt comfortable to talk about anything) and she's throwing it away. I'm preaching to the choir here.

So today I'm just pissed. I want to do something. But I know everything will be fruitless. I can't send her cult awareness stuff, I can't gift her C of C. There's no reasoning and it just frustrates me to know end to know there's nothing I can really do. AAAHH!!! I am simply clueless on how to respond to her.

megsmomma

I am really sorry you are going through this too. If you feel the need to do something, you can pray for her. That is all I have found that I can do, and if it brings results someday, great.....but like you said....Nothing else seems to work. ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

diamondblue1974

That would be the thought police upto their same old tricks!

DB74

LittleToe

That sux, pal.

All you can really do in that kind of situation is accept that she's an adult, you're an adult, y'all have different opinions and choices and are living with the consequences of them. It's hard to see someone you love not living to their full potential, or avoiding some of the emotional hurt that might not otherwise be present, but it's simply not your choice.

She's your mum - love her all the same

Paralipomenon

Meh, why play by their rules?

They say you can't talk to her, and it's obvious she doesn't enjoy that thought. Just call anyways, avoid JW topics and carry on. Yes you are both adults, but shunning is so much harder when the other person doesn't play by the shunning rules.

Keep seeing her, let her avoid your calls or hide if you drop by. In the end she will only feel guilty and you can honestly have no regrets.

My sister did that to my mother after respecting being shunned for years. My mom still freaks out every once in a while and says they can't talk but my sister doesn't let it phase her.

To quote her: "I'm not letting some religion get in between the relationship I have with mom"

Bstndance

Paralipomenon, I thought about that. I am not a JW so I don't need to live according to the JW rules they set for my mom's relationship with me. The only problem is, she has caller ID so I will just get voicemail. But it's okay I'll just leave messages like nothing is wrong. That may eat away at her more. As far as visiting, since she is over 2,000 miles away, it's not worth the $$ to go out there to barely see her. Before I had to pay for airfare and car rental. Now I'll have to add hotel. I'm better off spending the $$ on someplace a little more fun.

Paralipomenon

yeah, that makes it harder. But I'd suggest to keep calling.

In my mother's case, biology took over and she made a personal stand that her daughter is still a good person and she couldn't see a reason not to talk to her.

Everyone is different, but my sister told me that she felt so bad that she cooperated with the shunning by respecting our mother's request not to talk for many years. I found it funny that eventually she had a choice.

Guilt from the elders or society a few times a year.

Or guilt for being a bad mother 1-2 times a week.

If it works for you and your mom, bonus. If not, you're no worse off.

LittleToe

Good call

J-ex-W

((((((((((Bstndance)))))))))))

becca1

Our grown childre have asked that we not discuss our "issues". It's not that bad. We talk about everything else, as we too have a very close relashionship with our kids. I try my best to not let it bother me and concentrate on the positives. The alternative (being shunned by them) would kill me.

An Update!

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