What Jeff said.
It's been three years for us, too. The last time we set foot in a KH was December 2003. We ran the entire gamut of emotion and experience, got past anger about a year ago and entered into whatever that peaceful next phase is.
There are still some awkward moments. We are well known in the dub community here and occasionally run into former fellow inmates at the store or the mall. Each of these encounters has gone better than we had imagined, so we are now much less concerned about running into dubs wherever we go.
However, I am reluctant to put our expired Christmas tree out at the curb for trash collection, because a dub elder lives around the corner and drives past my house every day. It's odd. I wasn't concerned that he might come to the door and see the tree through the window, but I'm just not comfortable putting up a sign out at the curb. I've puzzled over this and decided I am ready for a confrontation if one comes, but I don't want to invite trouble.
The other day I was at an auto repair place having them look at my car. It was a very small waiting room. I was reading. I looked up and a sister I had not seen in over three years was standing at the cash register talking to the clerk. We had been "close" to her and her husband when we were dubs, they are a nice couple. She was about 15 feet away from me. It was awkward for a moment, as I was sure she was going to turn around and look right at me. I put my game face on and reviewed my mantra, which in cases like these is: Be gracious but grant no interviews.
I kept my eyes on her, waiting for her to turn around. However, when she finished talking to the guy, she asked where the rest room was and he pointed down the hall away from where I was sitting. She turned in that direction and walked away. That's when it occurred to me that she had seen me when she walked in and was trying to avoid me. Or, she just had to go to the rest room, who knows?
Just then, a guy came in and handed me my keys, and said he'd fixed a simple problem. As I drove away, I reflected that a year ago, I'd have been very nervous at such an encounter. But now, I could honestly say I was disappointed not to get to say hello to her. And I realized that's because I now relish running into dubs and letting them see and know that I am happy, content, and living a good life. I know it must puzzle them, and that's satisfying to me, somehow.
Is that part of the recovery process? I think so.
