For Sale: Magic Sandwich

by Coded Logic 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Coded Logic
    Coded Logic

    I am happy to report to everyone on this site that I have discovered a Magic Sandwich that cures cancer. For a small one-time payment of your entire life of Thursday nights, Sunday afternoons, and recruitment work on Saturday mornings - it can be yours! For your peace of mind, I have provided answers to some commonly asked questions:

    Q: Does your Magic Sandwich actually cure cancer?

    A: Yes! I have several friends who have tried my Magic Sandwich and none of them have cancer. And they all say the Magic Sandwich is absolutely the best thing ever!

    Q: Has the FDA approved your Magic Sandwich for the treatment of cancer?

    A: The Magic Sandwich goes far beyond anything modern medicine can do. It doesn't just treat symptoms - it actually provides a cure! The FDA simply is not qualified to approve it. Think about that for a moment, a cure so powerful it goes beyond the authority of any earthly government! Isn't that great?

    Q: What scientific research has been done on the Magic Sandwich?

    A: The Magic Sandwich is entirely consistent with science. Even so, science doesn't know everything. And the Magic Sandwich is proof of that. Science can only investigate the natural world. But the Magic Sandwich is truly a supernatural wonder!

    Q: What if I don't have cancer?

    A: There are many kinds of cancer that are undetectable. And many people find out they have cancer when its too late. But the Magic Sandwich cures every kind of cancer - even the ones we don't know about. Isn't that a truly loving arrangement provided by the Magic Sandwich?

    Q: Why doesn't everyone know about your Magic Sandwich?

    A: Because most people in the world are too haughty and caught up in themselves. It is so heart breaking, millions of wicked people die every year because they are too proud to accept the gift of the Magic Sandwich.

    Q: I have some friends who tried the Magic Sandwich but they still got cancer.

    A: Sadly, some do not follow the appropriate prescription of the Magic Sandwich and end up with cancer. Only by being a loyal eater of the Magic Sandwich can you hope to remain cancer free.

    Q: How do we know you're not just a Charlatan out to make a buck?

    A: Is that really a chance you willing to take? Many have put off action because they were indecisive about the Magic Sandwich. And sadly, far too many of them have paid the price with their lives. Don't be like them, start making preparations to get your Magic Sandwich today!

    Q: How do I get my Magic Sandwich?

    A: An Ordained Sandwich Maker* will swing by your house in the morning and make you one.

    *All our Ordained Sandwich Makers are fully qualified to make Magic Sandwiches. Just because they don't know how it works, where it comes from, who's in marketing it, or really just anything about the Magic Sandwich - doesn't mean they're not perfectly qualified. Only arrogant and mentally diseased individuals would question the abilities of our honest hearted Sandwich Makers.

  • Sparlocks_Apprentice
    Haha this is great. XD
  • OrphanCrow

    Question from a Reader:

    Is the bread in the sandwiches made from Miracle Wheat?

  • Oubliette

    OC: Is the bread in the sandwiches made from Miracle Wheat?

    Yes, and the contents are a healthy heaping of bullshit!

    Funny post, Coded Logic!

  • Coded Logic
    Coded Logic

    Dear OrphanCrow,

    Thank you for your inquiry. We are constantly striving to refine the Magic Sandwich which includes the bread. Of course, the ingredients never change . . . they just get tastier and tastier. Some consider our switch from barley to wheat to be a "change" but it's really just new taste.

    Please provide your name and address and we will schedule for a pair of Ordained Sandwich Makers (and a pre-teen child that got stuck in the car group) to come by your house to tell you how bad everything is in your life and invite you to try a bite of our Magic Sandwich.


    The Great Bread (GB)

    PS: Do not speak to any former Magic Sandwich partakers. They will try to corrupt your mind with the three great evils (facts, reason, and evidence). Also, don't read about us online. And DEFINITELY don't watch any videos on Youtube about us.

  • stuckinarut2

    Can I choose the ingredients in my own magic sandwich?

    Is there any room for individuality at all?

  • HB

    I had a friend who tried a magic sandwich but when he took a bite he found it to be totally indigestible and he couldn't swallow it.

    The bread was stale and the filling was mouldy. In fact it was full of maggots. It didn't cure him of anything, it made him sick!

  • Simon

    Very good, LOL.

  • GrreatTeacher
    I am gluten intolerant. Is there a Magic Sandwich for an honest-hearted person like myself?
  • enigma1863
    I had my doubts but he seems to have an answer for every question I had. It doesn't matter if the answers make sense,

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