What can you do with a heroin addict?

by katiekitten 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • katiekitten

    Or more to the point, what can you do with your cousin who is in love with a heroin addict, lives with him, has a child to him, is regularly beaten by him to the point that she went into a womens refuge last year, and supports him with all her income because she is the breadwinner.


    I just got in touch with my cousins again after several years, and I find out my beautiful cousin has been brutalised by this fuckwit for years. But until she is ready to see hes ruining her life nobody can do anything to help her.

    The whole family has given up on saying anything because she always goes back to him. She loves him. Shes only 29. Is there anything anyone can do, or do we all have to watch as he spends her money and beats her up until shes finally sick of it? Shes really stunningly beautiful, she works, owns a house and a car and has everything else going for her. But this is going to ruin her life.


  • MadTiger

    Serious self-esteem issues there. Does she have any abuse in her past? The past, unresolved, can be disastrous for healthy future relationships.

  • diamondblue1974

    Besides hiring a hitman theres not a lot you can do.

    It sounds like shes not going to leave until she realises how self destructive her situation is right now and that its not likely to change.

    You can only keep trying to talk sense into her but it sounds like hes extremely controlling and this is probably why she has been feeding information back to him.

    Sad but true KK.



    What a terrible situation!! I can absolutely identify with it though. My mother has lived with my abusive father for over 35 years although sometimes can be really good, the times that are bad are unbelievably horrible from smashed teeth to name calling to just about anything you can imagine. I wish I could give you some magic answer that would free her of this monster but unfortunately there is not one. Just love her and support her but be certain that she knows where you stand as far as your feelings on him and his treatment of her. Talk to her about the safety of her child and make sure she understands that it is her sole responsibility to protect this child and give it a secure a secure and happy childhood. 29 years old is so young to be dealing with such a problem. Drugs can grip a person so tight that they really have no conception of the pain they are inflicting on the rest of us. My brother was a crack addict for years and it seemed liked everything he touched turned to shit. (excuse my language , but there is no nice way to say it) He has ran up bills, all but deserted his children, and isolated himself from anyone who really ever cared. I guess the bottom line is there is no help for someone refusing to help themself. This goes for her as well as her heroin addicted boyfriend. I know this wasn't much for advice but I know how you feel - helpless. Give her a good tight squeeze and just be there for her until she can see he is not worth it.

  • katiekitten

    She has no history of abuse. Her parent were JW;s until she was 14, then my aunty became an alcoholic and the marriage ended and my cousin went right off the rails. She used to go missing for days at a time aged 14, she was clearly unhappy, and yes, id say serious esteem issues. But she was such a lovely little girl, honest, bright, kind, happy.

    Her childhood was screwed over, and now shes screwed up the rest of her life.

    I said to my other cousin, could she not get some really pure heroin and make sure he had an overdose, but she said "she loves him, she wouldnt do it".

    Sad. I could do it as soon as look at him. He stole £50 I sent to her when she had her baby.

  • Cabin in the woods
    Cabin in the woods

    I am not certain if her child is a boy or girl but have someone ask her to close her eyes for a moment and imagine that child grown up and living with an addict, facing abuse daily, physical, mental and psychological... is this what she wants for that child. If she could save her young one from that type of future .. would she do it. Perhaps then she will realize that she needs to break the cycle.

  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    Ugh sorry to hear that KK...this piece of shit is clearly a manipulative,controlling piece of rubbish.

    Im sorry for your cousin,but until she realises there are far more worthy People to be with than him (such as her Family,who clearly love her)then she really has made her Bed and must lay on it.But hey,im sure that very often someone in her predicament must wake up one day and think "wtf"and sever all ties with low life scum such as him.Especially if she stops to consider the Child more than herself.

    Gawd i wish i had some decent advice for ya.


  • sammielee24

    Sooner or later it will catch up to her - one way or another. If he is violent then the outcome might not be good. My only concern would be for the child she has. I've seen what addiction does - crack, alcohol - doesn't matter which one - an addict will take and take and take from you until you cut it off. You can steer them toward help, guide them, beg, plead, cry and threaten but until they are serious about taking responsibility for their lives, there is nothing you can do. Financially supporting an addict gives them a means to continue their habit. sammieswife.

  • Star Moore
    Star Moore

    And you know the saddest part? Usually these kind of women eventually become heroin addicts themselves..

  • FlyingHighNow

    Your family needs to do every kind of research about resources that help people who are enabling addicts. Then ALL of you should think about doing an intervention, together. Then hopefully have some kick a$$ resources in line to help her. She needs to understand that to have a child in such an environment is a form of neglect and abuse. Here in the USA, she could lose custody to the state if they knew she was exposing the child to drug users.

    Sometimes an entire family and group of beloved friends intervening at once can have a bigger impact. Sounds to me like your cousin has an addictive personality, too. She is addicted to the man. Her brain releases similar chemicals to heroin when she's with him. When she leaves him she goes through painful withdrawal. She's confusing those addictive feelings with the kind of love a healthy couple has for each other. Couples that have strong chemistry experience this endorphin release.

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