Your thoughts on exit counseling help

by OnTheWayOut 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  garybuss

  I'd say I don't want to be set up and I'm not gonna set up my family members either.
  
  There's a heck of a lot of difference between exit counseling and an intervention. Never do an intervention on a person who has six and a half million enablers. How am I gonna make that stick?
  
  In my experience a person isn't a Witness because of information, and information won't get them to quit being a Witness.
  
  I've had to accept that some people will always be a Witness. I also had to accept that I don't want to be married to a practicing believing Witness. There's absolutely no conflict in any of that. If my partner wants to be a Witness and do all the Witness things, I've got no problem with that.
  
  
• 

  Jeepthing

  Actually, my husband invited mormons to our home and had some interesting conversations. Before we faded away, we invited them to have bible discussions thinking that we could changing them and just to have some easy hours to claim for fs. I was amazed how much they are like jw. It was scary and eye opening experiences for me. We had them over every week for three months and you could learn alot about similarity in jws and mormons. The manners, how they approch people to convert, and even keeping tracking field service time. Scary.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Jeepthing, and others wanting to help.

  Here's the way it is with my wife. She loves her congregation and she loves going to the meetings.
  She doesn't study for meetings heavily. She does her Bible reading and underlines the WT.
  That's about it. She brings the right books to the meetings, but doesn't do much mag. reading
  and never studies in the WT Library unless she has a talk. She used to study better, but never
  deeply.

  When I try to discuss ANY problem with doctrine or the elders, even if she brings it up, she shuts
  down as soon as I make a valid point. "I have a headache, I am too busy to discuss this." The
  point with an exit counselor as a former member of a different cult, is to get them talking about the
  problems they saw with Moonies or Hare Krishna. Many of you think that JW's are unique. Much
  of their exact doctrine is unique, but you would be surprised at the commonalities with standard
  cult techniques that are built into their recruiting and maintaining efforts. When I read COMBATTING
  CULT MIND CONTROL, written by an ex-Moonie, I still felt like the author was talking to JW's.

  I really need an outsider to talk to my wife. Husbands, it's like teaching your wife to drive. Whenever
  I have seen it, most husbands are too bossy to do so. I try to talk to the wife without using any
  volume or authority, but she treats it as such. Her family won't do it, they are JW bystanders. I am
  not close enough to win them over, but she could win them over if I win her over.
  An outsider would have to be a non-JW, or else she won't listen. If not an outsider, then I will have
  to try using my family. I don't see as much success with my family as with a professional. I was
  hoping to use both.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  In my experience a person isn't a Witness because of information, and information won't get them to quit being a Witness.

  As for myself, the first part is true, but the second part is not. I am coming out mainly for the sake
  of true information. I have always delved into the books and literature. I started going to the
  library after the 1995 change in doctrine and looked up things in Greek and Hebrew, read info about
  theology.

  Still, a generally valid statement, Gary. I am sure it is the case with the wife. I will keep it in mind.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I tried reading my own posts af if I were one of you just trying to
  help, but not personally involved.

  Her family won't do it, they are JW bystanders. I am
  not close enough to win them over, but she could win them over if I win her over.
  An outsider would have to be a non-JW, or else she won't listen. If not an outsider, then I will have
  to try using my family. I don't see as much success with my family as with a professional. I was
  hoping to use both.

  This sounds overly hopeful. It sounds like I am in a hurry.
  That is me. I am overly hopeful, but right now, I won't kill my
  hope. I am in a hurry, but I suppose it will take a long time.
  Many negative posts about this idea. You may be right.
  I will continue to educate myself and see what I can do for ME.

  My sister will continue to work on the mother. I can start a new
  hope that my fade and any success with my mother can start my
  wife's investigation.

  It's just that we were very happy together as ignorant JW's
  (smart/ educated in other ways) and I don't want to go through
  a miserable marriage or divorce because I awoke. If I find myself
  in a loveless marriage, I don't think I can handle that. If she spies
  for the cong., I know I will tell them off, and I don't know what I will
  say to her. Perhaps that won't happen. I will work at my fade and
  see. Thanks everyone.