JW Children and the absence of Christmas

by Clam 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gill

  Personally, I believe that it is very damaging to children to not let them enjoy the fun things that other children are doing and painting that activity as 'bad'.

  I always wanted to celebrate christmas as a child. In all the years I lived with my parents, I only on a couple of occassions received a gift. A few times I had a soft toy from my mother and she made me keep them covered in see through plastic bags so as not to dirty them. And once I received an Enid Blyton book. Gift giving to them was an 'not done' as it was what 'worldly' people do. However, they would wrap up gifts for JWs who were getting married!

  I still feel 'different' to everyone else. I don't mean 'better' than others, but I feel 'less than' others, as even my own never valued me, in the eyes of the child that I was.

  So, I believe it damages a childs psyche.

  Here we make up for all the lost time when it comes to Christmas! I love it!! And so do the children, and especially my husband who had his first Christmas tree when he was forty! He's the christmas lights fanatic in the family!!!

  Jehovah's Witnesses can be cruel and heartless to their children. Being separated from everyone else in school is gut wrenchingly painful.

  The stupidity continues in Watchtower land!!
• 

  Oroborus21

  I got to just go home usually which made it easier than just sitting it out. I do remember enjoying singing Christmas songs in music class. At some point, I can't remember whether I stopped or rationalized it when I figured out it was probably something I shouldn't be doing (according to whomever).

  I think people have different experiences and in part also personality is a factor. In one sense, I always felt different than others anyway, so this was just another thing. (and of course there is the built in superiority feelings believing that you are doing the right thing). I suspect that people who need more social approval than I do, found dealing with the exclusion and being singled out to be much harder emotionally.

  Additionally, although it was certainly hard to do, standing apart from my peers taught me that I could be different. Thus, later during the teen years, it was very easy to resist peer pressure to drink, smoke, etc.. And in adulthood, it is easy for me to speak in the minority, to argue for an unpopular cause and to challenge authority or the group. I believe part of this is due to the childhood experience of being a JW that was thrust upon me.

  So I think there are some positives that result from the JW childhood and what that usually entails.

  Also let's not forget that many other persons than JWs don't celebrate Christmas, orthodox Jews for example, so let's not just whine about JW kids being "abused" or you have to include all these other persons too.

  Anyway, having said all of the above, I know that I certainly would have ENJOYED celebrating holidays, getting to go to Barbara Baker's (a cute girl i liked) birthday party when she invited me, and so forth. And I would probably have enjoyed a richer social life later had I gotten to do these things.

  On the whole, while there were some positives, I think it is better if JW children and adult JWs for that matter are not further marginalized by not participating in these common holidays or other cultural festivals etc. We all know the lines regarding the "paganism" and "superstition" arguments are drawn arbitrarilly and irrationally (not too mention unscripturally) and so in the future JWs will hopefully discard these particular aspects about them just as they have gradually given up other things like objections to pinatas, etc.

  -Eduardo
• 

  Fe2O3Girl

  It didn't bother me, but there were mitigating factors. I did understand the reasons why we didn't celebrate Christmas. Now I think those reasons are lame, but at least I had reasons, which as Oroborus said, gave me the feeling of superiority of doing the right thing. I did get presents all year round, and they were properly and beautifully gift wrapped, so I really wasn't missing out on presents. I got to go home on the day of the Christmas party, so I wasn't just sitting out by myself.

  I don't know if things have changed, but when I was at school in Britain, there wasn't any fuss about children's birthdays (they would have private parties, but not cakes in class), we didn't do Valentines (as here it is a celebration of romance, not friendship) and we don't have any nationalistic rituals in schools, so it wasn't as if I was continuously being segregated the way young JWs in the USA are. When there was holiday related activities in class (Mother's Day or Christmas cards) I would just make a non-specific card or draw a picture.
• 

  wanderlustguy

  I used to feel kind of good in a way, it reminded me that I was special and better than everyone else...of course the only one that thought that was me.

  In reality it drove a huge wedge between everyone else and me, creating further isolation. It's just another tool they use to control you as a child, making you an outcast among normal society.

  Kind of a miniature version of what they do to new recruits.

  WLG
• 

  Junction-Guy

  Mom and Dad divorced when I was young, Mom remained a JW for a few more years. Mom and Grandma both did their best not to make us feel isolated and deprived. They would hold wrap-up parties every so often where they would buy us presents and also have a cake with sesame street characters, star wars, and so on. Even though we didnt celebrate Christmas then, we still felt loved and cared for.----However, according to our Dad (strict JW) they should not have done these things for us. ----Dad was a "company man" and exprected his boys to be martyrs for the WT. Dad bought us very few presents when we were young, he was tight and didnt want us to have anything.----I really appreciate the fact that Mom and Grandma went out of their way to make us feel special. ----As I got older, and switched custody to live with Dad, I would celerate holidays every opportunity I could get at school, unkown to Dad of course.------Of course my Dad being the good JW Elder he was would lie and say "oh we give gifts all year long".---------------Thankfully Mom is disfellowshipped and now Apostate, and Grandma is still inactive and has'nt been in field service in 25 years.
• 

  looking_glass

  I never had a problem w/ it. It was always explained to me why I did not participate and I had a ton of kids who where not "Christians" who celebrated their own days and did not participate w/ x-mas. I loved the holiday season because that meant that I got out of school a lot. I would have my own special days with my mom and friends. My mother was raised a JW, so she knew what it was like and she made sure that if I was "missing out" on something special at school that she made the day I was out special for me. We would go to plays, the movies, out to a fancy lunch, etc. To me asking people if they miss Christmas is like asking a Jew or Muslim if they miss Christmas. But that is the upside to being raised in a community that butts up against Chicago, it was filled w/ non-Christians who were just as dogmatic about their beliefs as JWs were about theirs, so I never stood out as strange, because it was a common issue that the school had to deal with.
• 

  Mary

  How many of you remember being in the situation of the little JW girl at my son’s school? Did you feel envious, or even at that tender age self satisfied that you were doing the right thing?

  I'm with Rebirth on this. Being excluded from the normal participation of fun events in school, especially Christmas, had such a lasting and negative impact on my life that I believe it permanently damaged me emotionally. As a kid, you don't give a damn if Christmas isn't the real birthday of Jesus, you just want to have fun with all your classmates. Somehow, I don't think that making cards, using sprinkles, decorating a tree, giving gifts or singing carols, is enough to warrant a 6 year old's eternal damnation. The one event that stands out most in my mind is when I was in Grade 6. The music teacher was looking for the bell ringers to perform in the school choir which was going to be on TV, but we had to demonstrate that we could follow notes. I could, and I had always dreamed of being a bell ringer as I thought it sounded absolutely beautiful. She picked me as a potential ringer. I had to stand there in front of the class and tell her I couldn't do it, due to my religion. There were some not-so-subtle laughs from my classmates, disappointment on the teachers' face, and I was angry, humiliated and crushed. I went to the girl's bathroom and bawled my eyes out wondering why I didn't feel better "taking a stand for The Truth". Had the event not been filmed for TV, I would have done it, and simply not told my parents.

  I'm not sure why that one event had such a lasting impression on me, but it did. A couple years ago here at work, the employees gathered in the main lobby to sing the annual Christmas carols. My office is on the second floor and so I could see and hear them clearly. I had every intention of joining them, but the local News camerals were there and I was just starting to do The Fade at the time and couldn't risk being seen on the 6:00 o'clock news. So I sat in my office, looking at them having a great time and it brought back all the memories of being excluded from the same thing when I was a kid. I closed my office door and cried just like I had 30 years previously.

  I really hope the Governing Body is proud of themselves for needlessly screwing so many of us up like this.

  Oroborus said: Also let's not forget that many other persons than JWs don't celebrate Christmas, orthodox Jews for example, so let's not just whine about JW kids being "abused" or you have to include all these other persons too.

  Ya but at least they've got their own celebrations. The Jews have Hannukah, the Muslims have theirs......the Witnesses don't bother having ANYTHING for the kids.
• 

  Junction-Guy

  My Grandma and Mom both were raised JW's, so they knew what it was like to feel isolated. My Dad willingly became a JW at 14, so he got to experience the normal things of childhood before he joined the Cult. That's why Mom and Grandma did their best to keep us from feeling left out.-------I do have a question for the previous posters, some of you mentioned that Jews dont celebrate Christmas. Dont they at least celebrate the secular part of the holiday? My family doctor was Jewish and he decorated his office with the typical Christmas trees and garland.
• 

  Mary

  Junction Guy asked: I do have a question for the previous posters, some of you mentioned that Jews dont celebrate Christmas. Dont they at least celebrate the secular part of the holiday? My family doctor was Jewish and he decorated his office with the typical Christmas trees and garland.

  Yep. They have Hannukah in December which lasts for days. My co-worker is an Orthodox Jew, but I was amazed to discover that if she's invited to Christmas parties she goes. In true Dub mentality, I asked her "...um, don't you get in trouble from the Rabbi for attending a Christmas party?" She looked at me like I was crazy and said "...Of course not. I work with these people and it's part of our business relations."

  The Jews have many wonderful celebrations and holidays throughout the year so they barely notice Christmas and Easter. The tragic thing about the Witnesses is that not only do they force you to ignore these holidays, but they don't bother to replace it with something you can enjoy.
• 

  Junction-Guy

  Exactly Mary!! For the most part JW children dont get squat. Im just thankful that I had a loving Mom and Grandma.