I just got one of *those* calls from my son's school

by daystar 37 Replies latest social family

  • daystar


    I really appreciate that. Thanks.

    And thanks to all for the rest of the opinions and suggestions. It's helpful to get some perspective on it.

  • garybuss

    Any time I got a call like that from the school officials, I took my son's side. It's never okay for a public school employee to discipline my sons.

    Once the elementary school principle called me and said my son was in trouble for trying to reach under the restroom stall door and unlock the door while another boy was in the stall. I left work, went to the school, and went to the principle and asked to see the stall my son was trying to unlock.

    The principle took me to the stall and none of the stalls had any locks. Then I called the school maintenance man and asked where the locks were and the maintenance man said the principle had the locks removed a year ago.

    I went back and demanded he apologize to my son. He refused to do it, so I went to the school board meeting the next night and they recommended the principle apologize and he did.

    I want my sons to know I'll go to bat for them right OR wrong, that they can depend on me to be on their side. Schools and principles piss me off on a good day. The only interest I have in that school is my son, and they think I'm gonna side with them against my own son? Fat chance!

    If a school knows they can get a parent to side with the school against the child, they can make a child's life hell. My kid's school knew my sons and me were a package deal and I'd never take sides against my sons in a fight with the school.

    School administrators are used to getting away with intimidation and playing loose with the facts if they even have any. I'd make the school administrator want to be mauled by a pit bull rather than call me. Take the position that the school administrator is lying and make them prove their case and if my son did something wrong like chew gun, blame the school. You'd be surprised how seldom the schools will call.

  • daystar

    Well Gary, it's hard to take my son's side if he really did throw a stick, at school, and hit a car. Even if he hadn't hit a car, it's unacceptable in my opinion.

    But I do take your point. My parents never went to bat for me, and I never got in trouble in school but for it was a misunderstanding.

    If I ever get a feel that my son is being targeted, I have his back. But he will not behave unacceptably.

  • kid-A

    "I want my sons to know I'll go to bat for them right OR wrong, that they can depend on me to be on their side."

    So let me get this straight, antisocial behaviour should be approved and reinforced by parents? Sounds like a good way to raise a psychopath.

    Obviously certain behaviours should NEVER be approved of by a parent, unless one is attempting to raise a Uni-Bomber.

  • Abandoned

    Ah kids. I think I was one once. I managed to get into a bit of trouble. One time when I was about ten, my friend Steve and I broke into a small storage shed behind Lodemeyer Implement. We were always looking for new forts and this place seemed perfect. We were pretending to be space heroes and we really tore the place up turning it into a top of the line space ship. Somebody saw Steve’s bicycle parked behind the shop one day and unbeknownst to me, we got caught.

    My parents are divorced. One weekend when it was my turn to stay with dad, mom made me stay home and let my brother go instead. All she told me was that I couldn’t go because we had to do something Saturday morning. She wouldn’t tell me what though. But, seeing as how she didn’t seem mad, I wasn’t too worried.

    Saturday morning came and mom woke me up early. She made me breakfast and then told me we were going for a ride. She didn’t say anything else, which is strange for my mom. I still didn’t realize what was going on until we pulled into the Lodemeyer Implement parking lot. Mom drove to the front and parked. She told me to get out of the car. Standing in front of the building was Mr. Lodemeyer. He looked mean and I remember wishing that Fonzie were there to protect me. Mom had to come over and lead me away from the car.

    She stopped me in front of Mr. Lodemeyer and told me to apologize. I did, even though I was convinced it was going to kill me. It didn’t. In fact, Mr. Lodemeyer was very kind. He accepted my apology and told me that since they were planning on tearing the building down anyway, that we didn’t do too much damage. I remember feeling a large sense of relief.

    Mom brought me back home and never mentioned a word about that since – in thirty years. Now I’m not telling you how to raise your kids, but I will say that this incident made a huge impression on me and is one of my strongest childhood memories.

  • tetrapod.sapien
    (I know, don't poke the tetrapods. )

    i'm sure he's a good little man. the letter of apology would be enough to make me drop a load as a 5 yr old.


  • SixofNine

    I would take my child out this very night, and show him that is only right to hurt Hummer H-2's and such. Acid stains in the shape of Iraq... that sort of thing. Life, lemons, lemonade, you understand :P~

    But seriously, whatever else you do, don't forget to talk with (not to) him, and in a way that will allow him to really tell you what he was thinking. And if you give him plenty of space, and he insist that he doesn't know what he was thinking, well, he really might not. But you can't make the punishment fit the crime if you don't really understand the motivation.

  • diamondblue1974
    I want my sons to know I'll go to bat for them right OR wrong, that they can depend on me to be on their side. Schools and principles piss me off on a good day. The only interest I have in that school is my son, and they think I'm gonna side with them against my own son? Fat chance!

    Gary, this is a rare occasion I have to disagree with you even though I have some sympathy with your arguement given that my parent rarely if at all sided with me even when I was in the right.

    I have to state that children should be brought up to respect authority and whilst you are not present, like it or not, schools and or principals are the authority. In my view I would prefer to send the message that where my (hypothetical) child is in the right they will be backed 110% but where they are wrong they need to be taught that there are consequences for their actions.

    I agree that punishment should come from parents but in life not all punishment will and they in my view need to understand that; fair comment if you felt the punishment was unfair you could take steps to prevent it but simply backing your children wrong or right in my view sends the wrong message to them.


  • jgnat

    My hubby tried the rock-throwing thing when he was a boy. The only problem is he forgot he lived in a small town. The neighbours were at his door that evening. He never tried it again.

    Consequences can be very, very good. I think it would be an appropriately tough thing at five years old to deliver a handwritten apology. I bet he won't forget.

    As to WHY? I liked the other poster's suggestions to just ask him. If he shrugs, I bet it was a bit of excess boyish exhuberance. Children that age don't always know why they do what they do. It might not be such a bad idea to enroll him in baseball.

  • misspeaches

    What about a punishment related to the crime somewhat. Removing tv priveleges is fair enough but how about making him wash the car with you on the weekend? I know he's only a little tike but you could get him to do a smallish type job. Just to help drive the point home that we look after our cars. Not damage them.

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