A question about Birthdays....

by whyizit 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • whyizit
    whyizit

    My friend (not baptized JW yet, but heading that direction) is having a birthday soon. I received my last birthday card from her about two years ago. I miss them too, because I don't have a lot of family left, and most of them don't even know when my birthday is!

    Anyway, I want to send her a card for her birthday. I did last year, and she mentioned the card, which was a biblical card that had the verse about how a friend is closer than a brother. I tried to find one that she couldn't find fault with. She acknowledged the card, and started to say something more, but stopped herself.

    Would it be best to NOT send a card? I don't want to lose a friendship or have her think I am disrespecting her by sending one, however she hasn't told me NOT to. The only thing she has ever done was told me that she didn't want to exchange gifts any more, because ....well, you know all the reasons. It led to an interesting conversation. It really shows me the powerful mind control they have over her, because she's the girl who would mend fences right before holidays, because she wanted to exchange those gifts!

    What should I do? If someone sent you a card when you were in the JWs for your birthday, how did you feel about it? Did it irritate you? Did it make you feel good that someone thought of you? Did it make you angry with the sender? What should I expect? And if she gets upset about it, what is a good way to react? I want to prepare, so that I don't get ticked and get snooty about it.

    (I sent a Christmas card, and that went over without a hitch. She never said anything about it.)

    Thanks for any advice you have!

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I think it really depends on the individual dub in this case.

    Some are prob quietly wishing they could get those cards - others are prob so deeply entrenched they are embarrassed to get one.

    I would not have been offended by getting a b-day card - though I don't ever remember getting one to be honest. Could you pehaps substitute a 'Friendship card' instead - you get to convey the love and friendship you feel for her - she gets to know how you feel - and the bonus is that you avoided anything that could 'hurt' the relationship. I suppose, like Paul. you could be 'all things to all people' in this matter.

    Just my opines

    Jeff

  • Mrs Smith
    Mrs Smith

    I think you should send her a card once again reaffirming your friendship with her. I got b-day cards while still a JW and it always made me feel loved. My mother is still very much in the borg and she phones me and my kids on our birthdays to say she's thinking of us that day. Never says the words "Happy Birthday" but at least she's thinking of us! So I do the same to her and my dad, just phone and tell them I'm thinking of them.

  • lovelylil
    lovelylil

    Hi friend,

    It depend on the jdub. I got cards for my birthday and xmas all the time from family and friends. I would always thank them for thinking about me. I never got offended in the least.

    If your friend brings up the issue just say you only wanted to let them know you were thinking about them, and you are not trying to force your views on them that is why you picked that choice in cards. Of course, your friend may be a very strict witness and feel you are sending a card from "false religion". Lilly

  • avidbiblereader
    avidbiblereader

    Hello, I am new to the forum and just joined in the last two days. I have read your ? and many other questions asked in the the forum. I have been out for 6 years as I was DF'd as my ex divorced me for no grounds and I moved on with my life as I had many questions and problems with man made teachings and opinions, because I went back to the basics of reading the Bible and not literture of men (Matt 15:6,7). I see your situation and many others as very simple. Most of the answers or questions posed in these forums are opinions and not too many times do I see people looking to the only source of truth to answer them. You sound as if you may have some fear which I see many of the people in here do, the Bible states at Prov 29:25 this 25 Trembling at men is what lays a snare, but he that is trusting in Jehovah will be protected. or as another translation puts it 25 Fearing people is a dangerous trap,
    but trusting the L ord means safety
    .

    I see so many people afraid of being exposed or being kicked out of the org, and never wondering what the Bible says on matters or worry about Jah and Christ feelings on it, but just taking the org viewpoint or thoughts on it WITHOUT DOING THE SEARCHING FOR THEMSELVES. Ask yourself this ?, if I am afraid to offend someone, afraid to be kicked out for social or truly religious reasons, if I express this much fear in front of men, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN CONFRONTED WITH ABSOLUTE PERSECUTION? Remember Jesus words at Luke 16:10. We are fooling ourselves if we think we can stand in the face of death from men and yet be so worried about men or womens thoughts of us in a peaceful setting.

    However you also need to take the Bibles veiwpoint of not harming or encroaching on another persons conscience, Paul put it best in Cor when he said he wouldn't do anything if it offended his brother even if he had the right to do so (is it really that important), pray for HS and wisdom, do as the scriptures tell you, keep seeking, keep searching for wisdom, keep digging for it, keep asking. You personally must do this, we personally have an obligation and responsibility to do so, don't rely on someone else to do it, Jah is the Creator of the mind and heart, he obviously was able to contact the men who wrote the Bible, he can obviously get in contact with your mind and heart if you ask Him to do so. Let His HS lead you in the way that is right.

    There is too much worrying over simple and silly non-sense that has nothing to do whether it brings Glory to God the Father through our Lord Jesus Christ, too much non-sense that has nothing to do with faith, love and the fruitages of the HS, nothing to do with salvation and trust in Jah and His provisions, nothing to do with whether we are trying to imitate our Lord and King. Time to get back to the basics of what Christ taught, time to worry about our measure of faith not works in front of men. Worry about what Paul spoke of at Romans 2:28,29 where he stated 28 For he is not a Jew who is one on the outside, nor is circumcision that which is on the outside upon the flesh. 29 But he is a Jew who is one on the inside, and [his] circumcision is that of the heart by spirit, and not by a written code.The praise of that one comes, not from men, but from God. or as another translation puts it 28 For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. 29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise [ d ] from God, not from people.

    Rely on God's Word for your guidance and the promised HS, this is the only true source of direction, time for all of us to examine who and what we REALLY are. I hope this helps you, sincerely your brother in Christ.

  • whyizit
    whyizit

    Hi, avid.!

    Welcome to the forum.

    I'm really not afraid, and I don't think you know it, but I'm not, nor have I ever been, a JW. I agree with most everything you said, however, my JW buddy might feel very differently. Like a birthday card is an attempt by Satan to stumble her somehow. I don't want her to go back to her JW friends and be convinced that she should shut me out as a bad associate, because I sent her a birthday card. Inspite of all the JW "stuff", we are still very close friends.

    I am hoping that people who have actually been in the JWs and received a birthday card, will clue me in as to what might be going on in her mind from that perspective.

    I think I'll do the friendship card idea. Let her know that I'm thinking of her and let it go at that. I'd really like to do what we used to in the old times: treat her for lunch, get a small gift, etc....but I'm pretty sure that is a no-no.

    Thanks for all the suggestions!

  • Alwayshere
    Alwayshere

    whyizit, If your friend ever gets baptized, she will not be your friend any more. The Watchtower Society will own her and she will have to follow their rules. Their rule is "not to associate with people who are not Jehovah witnesses." She will speak to you but when she sees you are not going to study with them, she will drop you eventually. Sorry but that is how it is.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    Witneses are all different. Some would be offended and others would secretly be pleased to get a birthday card. The one thing they cannot do is reciprocate. There is no reason to spoil your friendship, though. Send her a nice "Just Thinking About You" card and tell her you still value her as a friend. Take her out to lunch too, if you like. Just don't do it on the very day of her birth.

    She may eventually break your friendship, but not all do. Keep up your end of the friendship and let her know you will always be there for her. Most humans respond to such kindness. If she decides to cool your friendship, remember it is what she is being told to do and is very much a victim of mind control.

  • Leolaia
    Leolaia

    My aunt is a life-long Witness (now in her '70s) who has always sent birthday cards to people with the word "birth" crossed out so it reads "Happy day!"

  • whyizit
    whyizit

    Alwayshere:

    Wow. I sure hope she never gets baptized. What about all of her family that are not JWs? She is the only one who has been studying with them.

    Her family is meeting up for a vacation with her parents over Christmas. I'm hoping her Mom has some deprogramming plans, but she hasn't said anything to me about it.

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