IF...

Sparkplug

Ok, Here is a game for you all. I say seeing this is so chocked full of wisdom, pick out a line from this poem. (One of my favorites) and apply it to yourself. Share how you handled it and what that portion of the poem means to you...

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

RUDYARD KIPLING

But make allowance for their doubting too;

This line stand out for me. See I always try to look at what may be causing the other person to have their trepidations or opinions of me. Then I work from there. I don't LIVE all of my life around a persons opinion, but I do try to take in the other viewpoint when approaching a person about anything.

serendipity

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

This verse reminds me of the strength it takes to be a single parent. For 16 years, I just got out of bed every day and did what I had to do. But 2 years ago when I was teaching my daughter to drive, the full realization hit. It's hard enough to have full responsibility for a kid, a full time job, a home, a yard, a car, etc. But then I have to simultaneously hold on to my courage (and sanity) & let the kid go. Watching her race to her 18th birthday is testing the limits of my emotional composure.

Sparkplug

Serendipity~ With a son rushing to 17 years next month. I hear you loud and clear. Also, I love this line out of what you picked:

And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

Sometimes it is like that. Just a numb one foot in front of the other and the words, "Hold on, Hold on," being the only think keeping you going like a rythme that your feet pound out as you try to stay attatched to the surface of this earth mentally.

anewme

Sparkplug and Serendipity, you two women are AWESOME!!!!!!

tetrapod.sapien

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

recently, some insecure females spread hateful lies about my ex wife. however, instead of responding in kind, she told me how all people, including the purportrator, are tender reeds that need kindness and compassion in place of hurtfulness and psychosis.

this struck me as enlightened of her, transcending her female biology with such clarity. this part of the poem you posted reminded me of her.

regards,

tetra

Sparkplug

Sparkplug and Serendipity, you two women are AWESOME!!!!!!

Why thank you, but I must ask...What for? You know I am curious as to what you saw that made you think that.

Tetra~ You have a PM and also I am sorry that someone is giving your wife a hard time. It seems like she has been through a lot and the last thing needed is someone messing with her. Good to see a husband actually admire his wife. That is how it should be.

tetrapod.sapien

Tetra~ You have a PM and also I am sorry that someone is giving your wife a hard time. It seems like she has been through a lot and the last thing needed is someone messing with her. Good to see a husband actually admire his wife. That is how it should be.

hi sparkplug! actually, she is my ex-wife, (the opinion of the state on the status of my marriage means nothing to me), but yes i admire her. also just calling it as i see it.

tetra

Sparkplug

When younger and still in the JW mindset Tetra, I would get so pissy at people that called it as they see it. Now it is one of my most favorite of traits. Over the years I have learned to do practice that. I got so tired of trying to word everything so correctly that I just gave up. Strange when I started saying what I really felt there were so many doors opened. I found there were so many thing I felt I did not have the right to say and "oh it would be so wrong." Now, finding the balance has been the hardest struggle.

I think I am getting the knack of the balance thing.

As far as your comment about "the opinion of the state on the status of my marriage means nothing to me". I agree. Sometimes despite what the state may say, we are joined to someone in our heart and that is how it will always remain. They are our counterpart and nothing will change that. So I hear you loud and clear. When people have that bond nothing...and I mean NOTHING...will come between them. For that is something no other man or state, or freaking paper can mandate. That is what makes love so delicious.

juni

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Wonderful thoughts to reflect on Decki! I love Rudyard Kipling.

This one hit home with me. I have learned to be true to myself after coming out of the JW organization. No longer is someone going to control my mind or make me feel guilty when I know that I have not done something wrong.

BUT if someone wants to lie about me, I WILL NOT sink to that level and lie about them. I have always been a very honest person and for me that is part of my personal integrity.

Lies about a person hurts that ones' reputation. For me that is serious business. That's another reason I left the JWs. I got tired of the backbiting and lies. I did not "fit" in.

Take care of yourself and hope you're feeling stronger each day!

Juni

Sparkplug

BUT if someone wants to lie about me, I WILL NOT sink to that level and lie about them. I have always been a very honest person and for me that is part of my personal integrity.

I hear you loud and clear on this one Juni. I get pretty upset when people lie first off to me. Often I have to concider that it may not be a lie to them. People often want something so badly to be that they make any line of reasoning to make something not a lie in their own heads. So when they tell it to you, it is not a lie. I try to remember that so that I don't get so insulted. Then second off Such as recently having had some problems with people at work, I leaked some info that was false. To the two people I narrowed it down to that may be the cause of the problem. Funny thing is, I can 't even lie about someone else. I had to leak false info about myself and my own situation so that I could see how fast the garbage came back to me. That is about as close to lying as I can get.

Usually if forced into a corner and I cannot answer a question...I will do just that and not answer it.

Take care of yourself and hope you're feeling stronger each day!

Do you mean this surgery like or emotionally. To tell you the truth, as far as surgery goes, I am doing well and although I wore myself out this week and should not have. Emotionally, well it is funny because in the past hour I have had several people either call or write and mention how "I am doing well." I can't believe I am about to hijack my own thread, but I am not. I am really sad and have not been the same for many months now. I just keep telling myself that my family is ok, and I have the best kids.

I have people that love me and although I am missing some people and things I never wanted to do without, there were things I needed to learn and learning is never easy. This last lesson has been a lifetime coming and it hurts like hell. I wake up, breath in, breath out and keep trying. I hope at some point the hurt falls off my heart and I can function. So if you say I am doing well, well yes I am. Am I doing as I want to be? Well, ...not at all. But the total of it all is, I am doing and that is better than not doing.

Right?

IF...

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