by Ellie 9 Replies latest jw friends
Do you think people who are brought up as witnesses have a negative, judgemental attitude?
I ask because I don't seem to like many people, I make a new friend, think they are womderful to begin with and then before long I start to notice loads of bad points, people start to annoy me.
Or maybe this happens to everyone, I dunno.
What do you think?
I am absolutely certain they are brought up to take a negative view of anyone who isn't a jw. Even people like me, who came in at 21, tend to develop that attitude. I did anyway, and so did Trev. I know when I first left I was wary of non jws I met for the first time, and I still am, but not so much now. It's the residual effect of all those years of indoctination, and I suppose it takes longer for some to get over it than others.
negative, judgemental attitude?
That's how I have found most to be in recent years, particularly the elders who are supposed to be uplifting, the elders in our local cong. wouldn't make a good 'bra' between all 6 of them!!
fokyc
I was told I had a "negative attitude" after the Dateline program aired, simply because I openly condemned the Borg for supporting pedophiles. It's funny, the WTS's literature is filled with an extreme "negative attitude" towards anyone and anything outside of the religion, but their first line of defense against so-called "apostates", is that we're "negative" about "the Truth".
My mother wasn't brought up as a JW, and she has a negative, critical and judgmental attitude that she passed along (somewhat) to us. I was 9 when she started studying, and those behaviors were reinforced. I don't think those attitudes are unique to JWs. They've been around for centuries.
Years ago, I read something to the effect that if I am critical of certain behaviors(or opinions) in others, it's likely I also display those same behaviors. When people irritate me, I ask why, and look in the mirror. It's been enlightening.
I'd also suggest that you examine the nature of friendship. What does friendship mean to you? Do your acquaintances have to meet a long checklist of criteria before they become friends?
I think people brought up as JWs have a holier than thou attitude. They are constantly told they are the only ones that god has chosen and that God doesn't even listen to the prayers of anyone else. This us vs. them mentality makes a person feel superior, But it also creates a mental need to find the bad points in everyone outside their religion to justify keeping them at a distance and their eventual destruction. It is part of cognitive dissonance.
How many of us really wanted 99.9% of the people on earth slaughtered by God? The only way to protect yourself is to demonize these people in some way. It is a constant struggle to justify why your loving God is going to kill your father, sister, aunt, cousin, workmate, neighbor, etc., when you can't see the need for it. So you try not to think about it and constantly look for the bad in people.
Does this carry over when you leave. Yes, but for the first time you have a chance to realize what you are doing and why. That is the first step in starting to change how you react to others. It won't change easily or quickly, but it is worth the effort you put forth. If you gain just one true friend and treat others more gently and less judgmentally, you will be much more in line with the example of Jesus.
I think Choosing Life said it pretty well. JW's are constantly being reminded how bad "this old system" is. Every new magazine is another set of problems that have to wait until the "new system" to be fixed. Many a public talk have I sat through listening to how some day soon I will be persecuted, perhaps beaten, starved, tarred and feathered after hearing all the doom and gloom of the current state of affairs.
Darn sure they have a negative, judgemental attitude ! They live in a world where success is judged by the hours you report, your skill on the platform and being fit enough to work on the building projects - if you do these things you are IN , do not do them and you are given platitude's about each being equal in Gods sight but you are just not "with it".
How can they not be looking down on the rest of the world? I quote from the WT Jan 1st 2007 page 5
Do Not Let The World Shape You [Sub heading]
The world under Satan's influence tries to appear interested in our welfare . However, we need to be careful . Remember that Satan selfishly deceived Eve the first woman to serve his own interest . Then he used her to lead Adam down the path of sin . Today Satan also uses humans to deliver his wicked counsel
So , we are all out to receive them for selfish ends. No wonder they do not want to listen to us...
By the way , do not expect too much of people. Nobody is really "wonderful" .Everybody is just "people" , take 'em or leave 'em , but life is better with others around.
Mary:
Years ago when I was active I was told by one of the elders that I was "negative". This is because I dared to question something that was going on there (I don't exactly remember what). And this was long before I started having serious doubts about the whole thing.
Their use of labels like "negative" is designed to make you feel ashamed and to keep quiet about whatever wrong you see. Actually, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just observant and have a working brain, which is something they don't like.
Anyway, I went home wondering what was wrong with me. There was no way I could change my brain and the way I think and see things. So, I came to the conclusion that I would just keep my mouth shut in the future about everything and keep my observations to myself.
<br><br><br>LHG
Hello Ellie,
Abraham Lincoln said that if you look for the bad in people, expecting to find it, you surely will. All the points made here are excellent and will help you assess people and circumstances in a balanced way. Some people are easy-going and kind, but that doesn't automatically attract us to them as friends. Maybe an outspoken, diamond-in-the-rough becomes your friend. My mother was the latter type. She turned alot of people off, but she was surely beloved by the congregation's outcasts. I guess we have to forgive, and hope to be forgiven, far more than Peter's 'isn't seven times enough?'
Expecting the best,
CoCo
