Hey Axel, I sorry you feel bad, it is part of the exit and rebuilding your life. I second the motion of jstalin, read up on victor frankel. I might also suggest 'seven habits of highly effective people'. This book has been foundational to me in that it made me realize I had to take responsibility for my life, a frightening but liberating experience. It is absolutely wonderful to have your power and motivation come from within and not from people's approval on the outside. I almost feel that most people need this type of instruction (particularly people leaving high control groups). I wrote something about this before and I still strongly believe it and feel the great benefits of living this way in my life. I'm actually back in school now and plan on pursuing a counseling/medical type of profession as a second career for the second part of my life. Anyway, here is the link and I hope you find it helpful.