Feeling bad for doing normal things - SLIGHT ADULT CONTENT

by jambon1 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • jambon1
    jambon1

    I was reading the article in the Nov awake about Musterbation (not a typo, I just hate that word & have to rephrase it)!!

    It took me back to the days as a young man who had normal feelings of a sexual nature. New in the truth and fighting, with every fibre of my being, (at least in the beginning) against the idea of having a ham shank. I can recall doing it on many an occasion and then feeling unbelievably deflated, depressed, dirty, etc, etc.

    Honestly, the morning after, I felt like the biggest, most evil person on the face of the planet. Of course, down the line, I really never bothered but being young and stupid (even to join the religion in the 1st place), I had quite a few years of guilt about this kind of stuff. You know, you sideways glance at a ladys tits and you think your world is about to fall apart.

    But, by extension, this feeling of 'being a bad person' stems into many, many other areas of the young JW`s life, does it not. After participating in actually quite normal, harmless things, you feel like a regal peice of $hit!

    Like, going to a footy game, watching a movie, enjoying some song on the radio, watching TV, hiring a DVD. The list goes on and on and on.

    This makes you realise just how they have got virtually every aspect of life covered, every corner. And, how, people are basically 'mind punished' for participating in the normal things of life. Its a real shame. Because generations are growing up with feelings of low self-worth, depression & anxiety, when they should be enjoying the best days of their lives.

  • south african beef
    south african beef

    ABSOLUTELY!!!!

    Wish I'd realised when I was young what I realise now - all I did was try and keep my parents and jehoobah happy. Big mistake.

    SAB

  • bigmouth
    bigmouth

    You and me jambon! err, I don't mean together, but I had the same battle. To constantly never being good enough for the Org, not enough FS, not enough prayer, always insignificant and never being allowed to be satisfied with a job well done. No wonder this internalised mindset screwed with everything we ever did!

    "Honestly, the morning after,...." Crikey!!! how long did your one off the wrist take?!! Did you have foreplay as well?!! Did you wake up the next day and find that Mrs Palmer and her five daughters had gone home?

    Just kidding;), Pete

  • katiekitten
    katiekitten
    people are basically 'mind punished' for participating in the normal things of life.

    God yes, I couldnt agree more. I have a lasting memory of going to watch some witnoids play a game of footy when I was about 18. I sat in the Sports Centre bar and had one glass of wine. Someone was video-ing the football, and some of the banter in the bar later on. I remember laughing just a bit too loud, and them feeling ashamed and guilty for months after because I felt as if I had acted like a worldly person,and whats more it was all on video.

    I remember condemning myself for acting like a dunkard (one glass!), I still can feel that shame about it now, and thinking back it was nothing. I only laughed. Loud. Once.

    Its a real shame. Because generations are growing up with feelings of low self-worth, depression & anxiety, when they should be enjoying the best days of their lives.

    I agree again. I felt robbed of being able to be a normal teenager. I was wracked with guilt all the time about not being good enough. I was convinced I would never get through armageddon. I dont know why I didnt leave earlier, given I felt I wasnt putting enough hours in ministry to merit everlasting life!

  • aoxo
    aoxo

    so many times as a youngster i sat in boreing meetings with nothing for my mind to do but wander my eyes around at the sisters short skirts-black pantyhose laced... well anyway i remember not wanting to get up for the song afterward if ya know what i mean. maybe if i was allowed to date as an early teen then i would be better at dating, or maybe i could get a date.

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    I remember praying "Jehovah please send me a husband so I can stop 'IT'." That was a prayer that remained unanswered. For some reason, I didn't feel too guilty.

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned

    Which of these is the most disturbing: a person stimulating their genitalia until they climax or a middle-aged, religious leader who is interested in whether I do it or not?

  • merfi
    merfi
    One in authority should give instruction and not peer into the private matters between man and God. If a person asks for help from one in authority, they acknowledge their weakness therefore seeking guidance. Once should not be punished for seeking guidance

    Nobody has "authority" over this body of mine or what I do to and with it except me. No silly elders in particular. And why would I need instructions? ;) And usually this "instruction" is indeed peering into private matters between man and G/god as elders THINK they are some sort of mouthpiece or sumfin.

    As for "one should not be punished for seeking guidance" -- yeah, but in truth, they usually are.

    As for "weakness" -- I don't think so. It's all pretty natural...

    Guess this one hit a button for me. No weak pun intended.

    ~merfi

  • Abandoned
    Abandoned
    Guess this one hit a button for me. No weak pun intended.

    I didn't get this until I noticed that you were female. OOPS!!!

  • merfi
    merfi

    haha! Good catch!


    ~merfi

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