My mom has been a JW for most of her life. she was DF in 1989 for having an affair. Our lives(me and my borthers and sister) became unbearable because she didn't leave my abusive father. She is still with him. They divorced, this was the reason for the DF, and she continued to live with him. So my aunt went to the elders and told them and they had a meeting and then nobody could speak to my mother. Her family anyway(brothers,sisters,friends) She still had us and she lived a happy life even celebrated a few holidays with us even though you could tell she didn't feel comfortable about it.Anyway my dad asked my mom to remarry him in 1998 and she started studying again with her sisters she would attend the KH and nobody would speak to her. Her sisters were there but they couldn't talk to her. I find this very odd! Then on the day she got reinstated they all came and hugged and kissed her like something had changed. Now my mom spends most her time reading her literature or trying to tell us what she has learned. The problem is she is always insinuating that I don't love my children because we celebrate birthdays, Christmas and so forth. She says that I am risking their very lives by doing this. by the way noone else in my family is JW. I love her very much but I feel like there is always a wall between us. I wish my mom would be like she used too. She seems certain of her everlasting life but she really does not seem to be enjoying this one. Just some thoughts on any of these topics would be helpful. Thanks
Hello! My mom is aJW and I have lots of questions!
by WANTMOMBACK 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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Honesty
Ask her a few of these questions:
If Jesus was resurrected as an invisible spirit, like the Watchtower teaches, why did Jesus say he was going to raise his physical body from the dead (John 2:19-22)?
If Jesus, the man, ceased to exist at his death and was raised from the dead as Michael the Archangel, why did Michael deceive the apostles into believing that they were witnessing Jesus in a resurrected physical body (Luke 24:39)?
If Jesus is now living in heaven as an invisible spirit creature, like the Watchtower teaches, why did Paul write many years after the ascension of Christ that he is dwelling in heaven in a physical body (Colossians 2:9)? Note: The Greek word, somatikos, means physical, tangible body.
If Jesus is now Michael the Archangel, why does 1 Timothy 2:5 say that the mediator between God and men is the man, Christ Jesus, and not the spirit, Michael the Archangel?
Can you show me a verse in the bible that clearly says Jesus is the Archangel Michael? How can Jesus be Michael since Hebrews chapter 1 stresses the superiority of Jesus over the angels and that all the angels worship him? Why would Jehovah command that the entire angelic realm worship another angel? Note: The Watchtower bible changes the word worship, in Hebrews 1:6, to "do obeisance to". However, see section below on the New World Translation.
Since the Watchtower was wrong in the past about many of its teachings and the light continues to get brighter (Proverbs 4:18), how do you know that the current teachings are correct and won’t change?
Why did the Watchtower magazine (Nov 15, 1981, p. 21) say to "come to Jehovah’s organization for salvation" when Jesus never directed us to an organization for salvation but to him?
When you joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses, did you read information for and against the Watchtower so you could make an educated and well rounded decision based on both points of view?
Has anyone become a Jehovah’s Witness after reading the bible alone without the aid of Watchtower material?
If I were to join the Jehovah’s Witnesses, would it be okay for me to do research into the Watchtower’s past by reading non-Watchtower material?
Since the Watchtower was in error many times in the past, are you obligated to believe that all the current teachings are God’s truth?
If Jesus’ invisible presence began in 1914, like the Watchtower teaches, why was the Watchtower teaching in 1929 that Jesus’ invisible presence began in 1874? How did they finally figure out that that teaching was false? Reference: Prophecy, 1929, p. 65.
Since the Watchtower claims to be God’s prophet (The Watchtower, April 1, 1972, p. 197) and have falsely predicted Armageddon to occur in 1914, 1918, 1925 and 1975, do you think they meet the criteria of Deuteronomy 18:20-22?
Can you show me in the bible where it says to give false prophets a second or third chance to get it right?
If the Watchtower really is Jehovah’s prophet, like they claim, can you show me anything they predicted that came to pass?
Why did Hebrews 1:6 in the 1970 version of the New World Translation say, "Let all God’s angels worship him" and not "do obeisance to him" like the new versions say?
Why does the New World Translation insert the word "other" four times into Colossians chapter 1 when it isn’t in the Greek manuscripts at all? Doesn’t this change the meaning of the text?
Why does the New World Translation place the comma in Luke 23:43 in a different location than it does every other time when Jesus says, "Truly I tell you"?
Can you show me a list of Greek scholars who approve of the New World Translation’s New Testament translation?
Can you show me a list of the people who were on the New World Translation Committee along with their credentials in the ancient Biblical languages?
If the Watchtower’s teaching that the 144,000 were filled in 1935 is correct, can you explain how Jesus, his apostles and their immediate followers couldn’t get 144,000 converts in 1800 years, but the Watchtower got 6 million converts in 125 years?
Why does the Watchtower teach that only 144,000 people are born-again when 1 John 5:1 says that everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God?
Why is there only one judgment period from God to test the endurance and worthiness of the 144,000 before they are guaranteed of eternal life, but the other sheep have to endure through this life, the 1000 year millennium plus pass an unknown final test before they are counted worthy of eternal life? Why is salvation so much easier for the 144,000?
If Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are not part of the 144,000 with a heavenly hope, why does Jesus say in Matthew 8:11 that they will be in the kingdom of heaven?
According to Jesus in John 17:3, how many true Gods are there? Would you say that whatever is not true is false? Doesn’t the New World Translation call Jesus "a god" in John 1:1? Since there is only one true God and all others must be false, is Jesus a true God or a false god?
If Jesus was God’s Master Worker in creation, why does Jehovah say, in Isaiah 44:24, that He created all things by Himself?
If Jesus is a created being, why does he get twice as much worship, in Revelation 5:12, as Jehovah gets in Revelation 4:11?
If Jehovah created Jesus, why does John 1:3 say that all things came into existence through Jesus and apart from him not even one thing was made? Doesn’t this place Jesus outside the realm of created things?
If everlasting life comes by taking in knowledge (John 17:3), how long do I have to study with the Jehovah’s Witnesses to be assured that I have enough knowledge to live forever? 1 year? 5 years?
If we pay for our personal sins when we die, like the Watchtower teaches, how will the great crowd who survive Armageddon pay for their sins since they will never die but go right on living into the millennium?
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fullofdoubtnow
Hi WANTMOMBACK, and welcome to the forum.
I'm afraid if she is a committed jw, there really isn't much you can do. The watchtower encourages it's members to have as little association with non jws as possible, even family members, so "the wall" you feel exists between the two of you is not unusual. She is being obedient to what she has been taught. All you can do is just keep showing her how much you love her, and hope she sees the real nature of the organisation she is part of.
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Good Girl or Bad Girl?
GOOD LUCK and BEST WISHES! I definitely can relate to the feeling that I want my mom back. (I don't really know what to add after Honesty's post; it is brilliant!)
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canadian girl
Well, I can relate to you in your wanting your mom back. My mom is now "one of them". I had it out with her over the whole issue today. It was my 40th birthday a few weeks back and my mom was not there. She has been there for every one of my birthdays up to this point. She has only gone to "the other side" completely over the last year or so. I know how hurtful it is for you. And of course I told my own mom how much it hurt but it got me nowhere. I also have 2 of her grandchildren. They are only 7 and 8 years old. What do I tell them? When they ask "where is grandma?" I too have many questions.
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Anitar
Welcome to the board! I'm very glad to see you.
I suppose the first thing to ask is do you live with her? That often creates a more stong sense of urgency. Can she hold an intelligent conversation? How long is her attention span? Does she often forget what she's doing and develop a glassy stare?
I'm sorry to sound like twenty questions. My mom is a JW too and we live together. If I can do anything to help, don't hesitate to send me a message!
Anitar
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Abandoned
Like others have started, there isn't anything you can do to change another person but don't give up hope. I was EXTREMELY zealous as a witness and I finally realized what a bunch of crap I was being fed. Everyone has to see this for themselves, though, so it can take awhile. Show her that you love her and show her that you are not going to base that love on what religion she belongs to.
One main problem with trying to help a jw escape the madness is that the watchtower has a STRONG LEGAL background and has placed a lot of emphasis on developing teaching methods and phrasing methods that leave them free of responsibility for what they've created and continue to spread.
Oh, one more thing. Don't panic. Try to find a place - here for example - where you can blow off steam and vent. Due to the spoon-fed chaos at the kingdom halls, you will have the best success if you don't appear frazzled or stressed over her choice of religion. In fact, witnesses are programmed to EXPECT PERSECUTION. Not giving them any, in any form, can break some of the hold the leaders have over your mom.
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parakeet
Hi, wantmomback. I completely understand your wish to have your mom free of the JWs and back in your family's lives again. My mom has been a JW for 40 years. She's now in her 70s, and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never have her back again. If you find your mother is resistant to any discussion of JW doctrine, then be sure to protect your children (if you have any) from her influence. I allowed my mother to see my child only if she observed my very strict restrictions on what she could and could not say to him. Good luck.
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jgnat
Welcome wantmomback and Canadian Girl. I'm a non-JW by the way, married to a Witness. First of all, I want to redirect you away from Honesty's advice. Direct attack of their belief system will shut them down. Honesty knows this, because he's had elders run out of the room with his challenges. I am pretty sure you two don't want to win the battle, but somehow win the war of gaining your mom's hearts back.
To get your mom back will take patience and a plan. The Watchtower indoctrinating methods take about a full year to take effect, so trying to undo all that concentrated effort will take time. Years. I recommend any of Steve Hassan's books on freeing people from the cult mindset. www.freedomofmind.com . Here's how your plan can generally take shape:
1. Resolve not to freak out or criticize the religion in front of your mom (reinforces the persecution complex and drives them closer to the organization).
2. Honor all your mom's choices, even if some of them push her closer to the society. This is to reinforce her independence and ability to make decisons on her own. Of course, if she makes a choice AWAY from the society, like for instance, takes a service day off to go to the mall with you instead, thank her for making the exception and deciding that on her own.
3. Learn to recognize the two personalities now residing in your mom. The natural personality she was born with, and the put-on personality she has adopted from the society. You can read boards like this and the Watchtower literature itself to understand what the cult personality is like, in fact you both have described the typical JW woman very well. But also take notes on what makes your mom unique and special. Think about the hobbies and interests your mom had before she became a Witness. It's this natural (trapped) personality you want to encourage and bring out more and more. This is the big favor you can give your mom, is to help her natural self come forth.
4. Develop a strategy to bring your natural mom back. Think up things you can do together on neutral ground. Continue to build up her independence. When she is most herself, ask interested questions about the society. If she gets defensive, back off. You've planted the seed. That's all you need to do for a while.
She seems certain of her everlasting life but she really does not seem to be enjoying this one.
Nearly all JW's are like that. Considering her unhappy marriage, it may be even true for her whole life. This may very well be the hold the society has on her. To counteract her misery, try and do things that historically have made her most happy in this life.
Abandoned - you will have the best success if you don't appear frazzled or stressed over her choice of religion
Right-on!
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WANTMOMBACK
Hello Anitar!! To answer your questions No I don't live with my mom, I can very rarely speak to her without her quoting scriptures and telling me the end is near. But I only live 1 1/2 miles from her. I love her very much. I just wish she could see what I do and she wishes the same about me!