Why does this hurt so much?

lola28

Okay, here it is a few months ago I sent in a letter to DA myself, the elders refused to DA me ( there is a first time for everything, I guess) and well I just kinda let it go. Over the last month I've come to realize that life is too short to spend it doing something that does not make you happy. I think that a very small part of me still held on to the idea that it might be the truth, but after giving it a lot of thought I've come to realize that I have not believed in this for a long time. So I sent in another letter requesting to be DAed, I just dont want to deal with going to the market and bumping into someone and having to put up with the never ending questions, "How have you been?" "We've missed you at the meetings" you know the deal. I just don't want to deal with it, I don't want to lie to people that I care about. I've now begun to call a few of my friends and I'm letting them know what's going on, I'm making sure that they know that this was my choice and that I love them.

I decided to do this but it still hurts so much, it's almost like you are dying, isin't it?

Lola

fullofdoubtnow

((((lola))))

I know how you feel.

I da'd myself this time last year, and though I knew it wasn't the truth, I still felt very sad at the many friends I knew would now shun me. Although I thought I was prepared for that, the first few times it happened it was still very hurtful, and took me a long time to come to terms with. Believe me though, in time one does get used to it, and nowadays I'd rather be shunned and free than still a captive of the watchtower.

One thing about da'ing that I found was that it makes it easier to heal. You don't get the elders and other jws calling you to see what is wrong, as they have to leave you alone because of their shunning rule. If you are absolutely convinced that you no longer want to be a jw, then da'ing is the way to go, for the sake of your own peace of mind as much as anything. And never forget, even when your former friends have nothing to do with you, you will always have friends here.

love

Linda

AK - Jeff

I have likened it to the death of a mate, especially if you have been a witnoid for long.

I was 'forced' into Da'ing, cornered by a JC for 'apostasy'. I contacted old friends too. They never responded [except one - to tell me that the Devil had me now more or less].

I left the religion - and would have preferred not to leave the people I loved there - but mine [and many others] was for reasons of conscience.

It is no fun, is it? I recall your post about having your DA letter rejected. I suspect they did that due to being unsure of your committment to the DA. Hopefully the last letter is definate enough they will announce and let you get on with the process of getting on.

Jeff

Sam87

i know exactly how you feel lola, i recently have had talks with my JW friends telling them what i think and the responses i got were very cold and unloving, it was like they didnt know me anymore, ive nearly lost all the close friends ive built up over all my life, and they seemed to throw it away without a second thought, it can be very painfull, i hope you pull through.

Sam87.

lola28

I recall your post about having your DA letter rejected. I suspect they did that due to being unsure of your committment to the DA.

I think the reason they did not DA me had to with the following, they know I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. The elders know that they allowed me to fall through the cracks, and they know that this will upset a lot of the friends. How do you explain never calling on a pioneer who just stops service? Who goes from 80 hours a month and 100 placements to nothing from one day to the next?

Sam, it is hard I grew up with so many of these people and I know that more than a few of them will be hurt when this is announced but I also know that at the end of the day they are going to stick to what they believe in and I can't blame them.

AK - Jeff

I think the reason they did not DA me had to with the following, they know I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. The elders know that they allowed me to fall through the cracks, and they know that this will upset a lot of the friends. How do you explain never calling on a pioneer who just stops service? Who goes from 80 hours a month and 100 placements to nothing from one day to the next?

In all honesty - if this is why they refused it would be the first time I ever heard of that.

I did not drink or smoke, or fornicate. I too was a pioneer, and a servant. I had brought 8 persons into the organization including two on the servant and elder body. I had 40 years of history with the local hall. They did not hesitate to accept my DA letter.

But perhaps you have an exceptional group of decent elders there.

Anyway, I hope it goes smoothly as you proceed.

Jeff

onesong

My heart goes out to you Lola. It really is a very liberating but painful experience. Having gone thru it a year ago I know how you feel. I have come to a lot of peace and healing over the past year but things can still bring back the pain.

I have friends on the other hand who walk the fence, knowing it's wrong but not taking a stand. I feel for them. They're trapped and putting on a show compromises their integrity to themselves. Not judging them, everyone has to do it in their own way, but just observing that for them it's like peeling the band-aid off very slowly.

I admire your courage and honesty.

LisaRose

To me, it's like a divorce. No matter how bad the marriage is, it's still painful to go through the divorce. It forces you to come to terms with the fact that you made a mistake and you must correct it. But if you don't you will never begin to heal and recover. It just takes time.

gordon d

Hi Lola,
Proud of you... sorry it hurts!
Hang in there... You're obviously loved by the people here.

parakeet

"I decided to do this but it still hurts so much, it's almost like you are dying, isin't it?"

Once you get through this and gain a little perspective, you'll see it's more like being born. If you follow through and let individual r&f JWs know about your decision, the elders will have no choice but to accept your letter. Best of luck to you.

Why does this hurt so much?

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