Update

freemindfade

So since I blew up at my family for being self righteous hate mongers, my uncle sent me a huge letter calling my ignorant and uncaring. To which I exploded back with an email. May have gone a bit too far on that one, but whatever what is done is done.

Since, my brother will not return my texts, no work from mom, or uncle. not sure how many other people in my family know, but they love to talk about negative things so I am sure they are sharing this tragedy of me losing faith in God and JW.org.

On a side note, the wife seems very sympathetic to my predicament. She seems very neutral, but still not taking their side at all.

I love my family and they all knew I was fading for a long time (according to them they've been "worried for a while").

So stupid so they'd rather me fake it (for their sake I guess) than be honest. So then if I renounce my rational mind to them and say JW.ORG is the best thing since sugar free cult koolaid, but still practice doubt and sin in private, whats the effing point of dfing for being an apostate?????

cappytan

I've been trying to put myself in my parent's shoes.

I really think that apostate's families (and friends) actually would prefer us to fake it. They fear having to make that choice between us and the organization, and they would rather us pretend for their sakes.

I truly believe that the only thing holding the organization together at this point is fear.

If all the doubters didn't have the fear of losing their family, they'd come out of the closet. If their family wouldn't be required to shun them, then they'd be able to share with their family TTATT. True, not everyone that hears TTATT will wake up, but I truly believe that without that fear factor, the vast majority would.

Once you remove that fear factor, more people leave, more people wake up, and the organization starts crumbling.

That's why I truly believe they will never "repeal" the shunning practice. The reason they re-instituted it to begin with was because of the hemorrhaging losses in the late 70's and early 80's.

Fear of being shunned is the only thing holding this organization (as we know it) together.

DesirousOfChange

Fear & guilt are the primary motivating tools of any CULT.

If you haven't already read Steve Hassan's book, Combating Cult Mind Control, do it.

I just read it and every step of the way I was realizing that no Org could accidentally do all things that qualify it as cult unless those at the top KNOW what they are doing. WTS is the "poster child" for cults. Their very strategic use of guilt and fear is just one glaring example of it. Everything they do and say is intended to manipulate the sheeple into doing what the Cult Leaders want them to do.

Doc

freemindfade

Agree with both of you. I may have hastened my fade, I don't want to lose my brother, I really do love him and my nieces and nephews. The carzy thing is non of them are strong JW at all. Miss most meetings, dont do service and so on and so on. But with this, they will stand up. The rest of my family views them as WEAK already. I am familiar with FOG model and BITE model.

I hope that I can postpone any kind of DFing. I really don't want that, and my family is all on the other side of the country, not even sure if they know what hall I am in now, I am going to say no they dont.

If anything I think this is making my wife see some reason believe it or not. The two of us have had many knock down drag out (metaphorically speaking) fights about the "Truth". And that is coming to an end. Not happening anymore. She has become far less judgmental as of late, not just of me, but in general.

kairos

If you are comfortable posting the e-mails, I'd read them.

freemindfade

kairos, I'll message you when I get a chance

Here was my original rant... I usually ignore all this until they stop but kept getting emails to no end. My response that probably made my families jaws hit the floor was this: (sorry for grammar errors etc, i was pissed.)

"I think its barbaric and being obsessed with a global genocide of unbelievers makes us more like ISIS than I care to feel like. It’s a fine line, and I the idea behind it is similar.

Doesn’t build my faith, or make me feel the end is any closer and I have watched some of the actual videos, them burning someone alive who they feel doesn’t have what they consider “The Truth”. Maybe more witnesses should watch the actual videos. Because emails and discussions like this I see a similar blood lust that ISIS displays the only difference is one I wishing for it and saying god will do it and the other is wishing for it and acting on it, but the spirit feels the same. I was trying not to say anything but I keep getting them. And trying to predict “The End”, how many times can that not happen before you feel lied to? A “cry wolf” situation. In that story were the people blamed for not believing the boy when he said this it the last time? No because it creates a underlying distrust. You won’t have to go to school, you won’t have to get a job, you won’t have to have kids, you won’t get old… this is the last car I’ll ever own, this is it, this year, now this is it."

Oubliette

cappytan: I really think that apostate's families (and friends) actually would prefer us to fake it.

Yes they would. Why? Because that's what they're all doing!

freemindfade

My uncle gave me an example of the Gibeonites, who joined with the Israelites, I felt like asking him, was that because they loved YHWH? Or scared of being killed by him and his goat herding tribesmen?

DFing is the same, no? do this because you are afraid. So I am not afraid of anything so I wont be afraid of DFing, I'll do my best to avoid it, but I don't fear it.

Oubliette

Here's an interesting article about FOG:

What To Do About Fear, Obligation and Guilt

neverendingjourney

They fear having to make that choice between us and the organization, and they would rather us pretend for their sakes.

I stopped going to meetings 9 1/2 years ago. I was certain things would come to a head, that I'd end up disfellowshipped and lose my family (I was and still am single).

To my surprise nobody confronted me about it. My parents were over at my house this past weekend and I'm going on vacation with my brother and his family this summer. My relationship with another sibling has been damaged, but I suspect that's mostly due to unrelated reasons. Outside of inviting me to see my 11 year old nephew get baptized (I'm still pissed about that, but I held my tongue), they don't hassle me about meetings. They don't even pressure me to go to the memorial anymore.

The presiding overseer made one phone call to me after I moved away and stopped going to meetings, but it was clear from the tone of his voice and from what he said that he was calling to check the box and had no desire to hear a confession or inquire about my personal life. The inquisition I feared never materialized.

That being said, I'm a pretty well-adjusted guy who left because it became apparent that what they were peddling wasn't truth. Things might have turned out differently had I adopted a sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle, but I'm still the same guy I've always been. They don't know what to do with me, so they just don't pry. And I don't have any desire to confirm the obvious either.

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