the walk of shame

by nonamegiven 61 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  restrangled

  Nonamegiven,

  I did what you are doing for 3 months at the age of 16. The difference is at least my family had mercy on me.

  We came late, sat in the back, and made a beeline for the back door after the last amen, ( I would leave when the last song started)... I cannot imagine your wife wanting to schmooze with everyone after a meeting while you wait in the car. I can imagine the pain and humiliation you must feel!

  If you are determined to continue with the decision to get reinstated, for your own sanity you must take care of yourself and have cooperation from your wife. Get the HELL out of there before the damn "beating" is over, take the kids with you, and insist your wife exit immediately. If she wants to socialize, let her do it on her own time.

  Just one more note, even if you are reinstated, things are never the same. These so called "brothers" and "friends" keep a good distance from you regardless. You will be viewed as damaged goods for as long as you remain. I don't know if its worth the price you are paying and will continue to pay.

  My deepest sympathy being sent your way.

  r.
• 

  moshe

  Getting reinstated won't fix your life, I'm afraid. Once the questioning of the Org. starts, it's all over with the WT eventually.

  There is a saying- "To thine own self be true". Be honest with yourself and whatever happens was then meant to be. No fear, no regrets.

  good luck,

  Moshe
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  My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

  If it is any comfort there are approximately 6,554,585,307 in this world.

  There are approximately 6,000,000 baptized JW's ? You can't include the 5,000,000 dragged kicking and screaming to the annual census memorial.

  6,554,585,307

  <6,000,000>

  6,548,585,307 is the population of the rest of the world.

  If you take a stand (which it sounds like you may be starting to do) and insist that this ritual of disfellowshipping is BS and that you will no longer allow this group to have that power over you, then you will have something in common with approx. 6,548,585,307 people.

  You are not alone!
• 

  Hecklerboy

  Wow, thanks for writing that. Even though I've never be DF'ed (left 10 years ago) you really opened my eyes as to how a DF'ed person feels at the meeting. I happy to say that I never shunned any of my DF'ed friends and we are still in close contact today. As for my "brothers and sister" at the hall, I haven't heard from any of them since I left.

  I know I will be at home tonight thinking about what you are going through. Maybe I'll call one of my DF'ed friends just to say hi. Just remember that you don't need these kind of people in your life. Try to make some friend at work or in the community and see what real friendship is about. You'll never want to go back to "Jehovah's loving organization".

  Good luck and hang in there.
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  Gill

  I feel for you. I really do. Dubs can't accept that people make mistakes and then have enough coping with beating themselves up, without having everyone else beat them up about it as well.

  As Garybuss says, you can talk to any of them. Everytime you say hello or smile at them and they turn their backs on you, you shame them. Make them feel shame. Whatever you did, or didn't do, is between you and your wife NOT the Jehovah's Witness Spiritual Police Unit!

  So! Stand up! Don't take any BS!

  We have all done things we shouldn't. Any one of those Spiritual Police men who interrogated you may well have done far worse than you.

  Sort things out with your wife if you can but DON'T allow her to persecute you over this.

  There is NO SHAME in being a human being. The only shame is in not acting like one, and that is something the JWs are skilled at - their inhuman behaviour!

  Welcome to the board!

  Welcome to mental freedom!

  The days you 'stepped into' this forum you opened your prison doors and released yourself from 'Hell'.

  What you do now with your knowledge is up to you but DO NOT lie down and let them kick you death!

  Stand!
• 

  nonamegiven

  Wow, so much to reply to and so little mental ability

  First, Buriram, no offense taken. You can read my first post and it's basically outlined there.

  Now, to the others comments. Thank you very much for support and listening to me vent. My plan at this time is to be reinstated and then to drift away. My wife is VERY devout. She believes that while this type of disciplin is harsh, it is indeed living. I've asked her to 'splain that one to me and she says that I have to figure that out for myself. I told her that after I tackle the question of how hemmeroids are plesant I'll get right on it. Anyway, she feels DF'ing is just and that there is biblical evidence to support the arrangment. I'm looking into that now.

  She knows I might just drift away but if I try to take my kids with me there will be a battle and I think the kids would pay the ultimate price. I will teach them right from wrong and support the WT teachings for moral issues (no sex before marriage, drug abuse is bad et all) but at some point as they get older have a real talk with them. I will never tell them "being a JW is bad, don't do it" but I will share with them what I find from the bible so they can make thier own decision. After all, if they have the JW teachings as well as my ideals they will have a more rounded viewpoint than 99.9% of thier peers.

  I've thought about getting to the meeting just after the opening song and leaving as soon as the Amen comes. But i have to consider my wife. These people are her life and her friends I don't feel I should deny her of that. I also don't want my kids to pay the price for my situation. I do love to watch them play. And in the end, it was my screw up that hot me (us) where I am so I'll just take my lumps, however big they are, and roll with it. It is only temporary.

  I have thought about others who have been DF'd. many come to the meeting to hear the announcment that they are reinstated but never show up after that (that'll be me?) and others come back stronger than ever. Well, I think it's like someone on another board said, DF'ing is meant to beat you into submission. Those of us who are not mentally weak cannot be beaten into submission and take off and some succomb to the humiliation and end up good little witnesses.
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  My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

  After all, if they have the JW teachings as well as my ideals they will have a more rounded viewpoint than 99.9% of thier peers.

  If the assumptions in this statement are correct then you will have well rounded kids. If the assumptions in the statement are incorrect, then you could make the biggest mistake of your life.

  Choose wisely. Good luck!
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  becca1

  Thank you for that post. I've been a witness all my life and have never had a better glimpse of what being DF'd is like till I read it. You really made me feel sad for you and others in the same situation. You sound like a really good natured person and a loving and considerate husband and father. No, you don't deserve such treatment and I don't believe it's Jehovah's way.

  As for advice: onthewayout said it best. I can't do any better that.

  Take care...
• 

  Crumpet

  I do feel for you, but it is all a matter of perspective. I regarded it as a catwalk. I used to absolutely revel in making a grand spectacle of myself and loved feeling people all around me aching to look at me directly or speak to me (a few brave ones actually would grin at me). I used to get there really early and then sit at the front of the hall but turn round and face everyone as they entered and chatted amongst themselves self conciously trying desperately hard to ignore my jubilant (Striving and failing for penitent) face at the front.

  If you must go to help your wife its actually quite a good thing because your children will learn the lack of real love quite early on - but you must be sure to take them out amongst normal people - like the park where normal good people there can chat to you so that your kids realise for themselves this is wrong and abhorrent as a practise.

  And for your own peace of mind - dont go in all hang dog - take with you your secret smile. My father taught me (not that he knows) but nothing is as efficient a weapon and shield as a secret smile - it absolutely maddens anyone who has to encounter it and cant ask why. Make a game of the whole charade. And dont hide away. Make them feel awkward and guilty - these are the right and normal human emotions that one experiences when doing something wrong and unsound. Who knows one person may even ask themselves why their inner voice keeps telling them they are acting in an unloving and unscriptural manner and what a victory that will be for you - winning one over without a word!

  Good luck my friend - most of us have been there - I've been DFed 3 times from age 16 to 24 and have handled it differently each time - it helps distract from the boredom to consider it your own private war!

  Remember - the Secret Smile - even if your heart is breaking.

  x
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  ButtLight

  Just becareful not to make the same mistake I did. I faded for 15 years. They knocked on my door, and the following week I was sitting in a jc meeting lol! DONT answer the door lol.