What planted the seed of doubt that lead you to leave or think of leaving?

by NanaR 51 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Dawn

  I had a friend at work who was a Mormon. I was "witnessing" to her one day and offered her one of our publications. She told me that she did not need to read my publication because she already knew the truth.

  It hit me right then...I was raised a JW and did not read any other religious materials because I was convinced I had "the truth" - she was raised a Mormon and did not read any other religious materials because she was convinced she had "the truth" - so in the end....would God kill one of us becuase we were wrong when we were trying so desperately to please him and do what was right?

  That's when I realized I had to look outside of my "box" so to speak. It's ok to ask questions - God doesn't mind if we question and research and study and doubt - because in the end, whatever the "truth" is - it remains unchanged and can only be found by searching for it. If you never search because you're already convinced you have it then you may be missing the boat!

  Never asking and questioning - leads to remaining in that prison.
• 

  mandivided

  You know, it's interesting. I've thought about this alot. When did I go from EB (elder-boy...a name cruelly given to me by my dubby

  peers) to

  what I am today? I think my first real doubts where when I realized that my father had left. He opened all the doors to my later exit, even

  though he wasn't around. Then when I had a very close friend (who I had studied with and brought into the org along with her husband) fall sick

  eventually die from luekemia, while her non-witness family threatened my life for "brainwashing" thier daughter into not taking blood. She

  eventually did take blood and was DA'd along with her husband (my best friend). Long story short, she died without any of her witness

  "friends". At 20 or 21, that was a real reailty dose, and I realized what these policies meant. After that it was only a matter of time......

  P.S. And who doesn't remember sitting thru some deep spiritual meat i.e. dub-interpreted prophesy in Daniel or Revelation or whatever and

  hearing some ridiculous minutia that occoured 2000 or 150 years ago being applied to like the king of Spain, and thinking WTF????!!!!!!
• 

  snarf

  Hypocrasy, just plain old hypocrasy.
• 

  SWALKER

  Looking back, I realize there were so many things that I didn't agree with and didn't teach. I avoided a lot of topics that I felt uncomfortable with and just kept my thoughts to myself for the most part. I was particularly upset in 1995 by the change of "the generation" issue...but continued on. Finding out about the U.N. stopped me dead in my tracks...I didn't go out in service again...attended a few meetings here and there, but basically faded. Then my JW aunt sent me a newspaper article on SilentLambs and that was it for me. I've never been back to another meeting.......

  Swalker
• 

  bigmouth

  That was a great account NanaR, you must have thought long and hard due to the length of time in the org.
  
  In my case the downward spiral into clinical depression was treated as some sort of moral weakness. For someone with an inclination toward perfectionism to find that you're 'not keeping up' with field service, study and meetings was demoralizing. I drifted out because of never being good enough.
  
  Then I found out about the UN scandal................! :)
  
  Pete
• 

  Ex-Jo Ho

  I remember sitting in my "Society, Challenge and Change" class in Grade 11....my teacher started talking about cults....it really freaked me out and made me really start to question things even more. It was like this door was opened and a flood of light poured in and I could finally see for myself. Sounds cheesey, but it's true.

  Hi...I'm new here...I'm so glad I found you guys! It's been lonely at times trying to figure things out, if you know what I mean. It's been like 8 years now since I left but it sometimes feels just like yesterday.

  ~ Jo
• 

  MadTiger

  "In spite of the doctrinal flags, it was the lack of love and the lying that finally got me out the door."
  
  Blondie"
  
  
  
  
• 

  Black Sheep

  My father did it for me.

  After years of trying to get me into the Borg, he pulled the "generation of 1914 is nearly all dead now" crap on me.

  When he left I Googled 'jehovah's witnesses false prophets' and I my mind was freed within a few days.

  One of the first things I discovered was that the 1914 generation doctrine had been dumped.

  After years of living with the delusion that I was going to to commit suicide by not joining his cult and just getting on with the task of living my 'short' life now and letting his killer god deal to me when the time came, I was suddenly freed from all of the guilt and shite that I had been pushing into the dark recesses of my mind, like an abused child.

  My father was the one that caused all of my mental stress for all of those years, and he was the one who freed me from it too.

  I am so pleased that I chose to live with all of the stress of being a non-practicing semi-believer, living what remaining life I had left to the full.

  I have had a ball, and there is much more fun to come yet.

  Unfortunately, I introduced my wife to the cult and she brought our children up in it. I have tried to get them out, but I have made every mistake an apostate can possibly make and they have built walls around their minds that I have found impossible to penetrate.

  I am learning a lot here, and elsewhere, and have planted many seeds myself. If any of them are taking root, none of them are admitting it yet.

  There are a few rays of hope:....

  My wife appears to be quite comfortable snuggled up to me, watching the TV, while I read COC, 'Escape From the Moonies' and 'The Dark Side of The Moonies.

  Although all of her WT litterature has disappeared from our lounge, my early WT litterature that I have been collecting on auction websites is still on display for all of our visitors to see and she is quite happy to buy a new bookshelf so that I can have them within arm's reach of my favourite chair.

  She not only watched my recording af the TV program on "The Gospel of Judas" a couple of days ago, but she lent the tape to a JW friend of hers.

  Seeds are planted. Water is provided. Fingers are crossed

  Cheers

  Chris
• 

  Dismembered

  Greetings NanaR,

  :What was your first seed of doubt?

  That by "Divine Providence", a slew of jack-asses would be appointed as "elders".

  Dismembered
• 

  NanaR

  Thanks for all the warm welcomes and thoughtful replies.

  Your posts also sent me in search of more information about 607 B.C.E. Reading the information reminded me of some of my teenage musings about the differences between secular history and what was presented as "Bible" history. I think it was the Babylon book that confused me the most. As I haven't been regular in attending meetings for several years, I apparently have missed some recent "new light" proclamations and had missed the whole 607/587 controversy entirely. I just had some very interesting reading.

  Writing my experience down and posting it here was a help to me from this standpoint: It made me realize that, at my core, I HAVEN'T CHANGED. (This is important to me because my dear husband seems to be greatly threatened by my recent declaration that I will NEVER return to the KH under any circumstances.) I realize that doubts and questions had been lurking in my mind for decades. My parents had a very old "Theocratic" library -- years ago I picked up the Harp of God and read part of it and asked my parents questions. Of course I got the standard replies.

  Lack of love and treatment of DF'd persons -- that is such a HUGE thing to me. It was an experience with this just this past Saturday that finally set me free. I have to get to work now so can't write about it -- but some things are just not right. And seeing them clearly reveals the "cognitive dissonance" that individuals are accepting and living with.

  *smiles*

  NanaR