by juni 36 Replies latest jw friends
well
I committed adultery to get out of an abusive marriage. He told me he would forgove me but I wasn't going back for more abuse.
Betrayal of trust - absolutely.
Would I do it again? - no way. I would just leave but I didn't know I had that choice back then.
It wasn't anything to celebrate. It just heaped more shame and guilt on my already heavily burdened shoulders
I've met a few people here who know my story.
I suppose some people might not want to meet me. That's their perogative
I suppose some people might not want to meet me. That's their perogative
Lee, I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to meet you, chere! I'd want to meet you. There's not a person alive who doesn't have what he/she feels are "skeletons" in their "closets," which is a very good reason why we shouldn't be sitting in judgment of another person whether we think we've walked in their shoes or not.
Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time, whether they do it themselves or have someone else do it.
Frannie
What seperates me from my peers is a lot of things, one of which is my sense of morality. If someone was DF'd for commiting adultery I would be highly dissapointed in that person, not because they were DF'd, but because they commited, what is in my eyes, a severe breach of commitment to a loved one. If they are untrustworthy within marraige, are they trustworthy in other relationships? However, it would still not be my place to judge that person, not having any details about the situation. Maybe their marraige was on the rocks and they both sort of wanted to end it. So it would depend on the situation and what I knew of it.
Dear Juni...
I can see that you are actually in pain over this, and for that, I am truly sorry. I want to quote to you something a dear friend of mine told me years ago:
"It is impossible for a third party to destroy a healthy marriage."
I think that is incredibly profound. Bratty kids, overbearing mother-in-laws, secretaries in mini-skirts, NONE of these can break up a healthy marriage. Sometimes, marriages have even survived cheating, if both hearts are totally committed to making things right.
I am sorry you are hurting. But the original post you refer to was not about that. It was about the JW shunning practice.
We don't know the story of the individual mentioned in the original thread, nor of the person with which he shared his crime... sin... indiscretion, or whatever you want to call it. There is a different set of rules for every situation... and THAT is just one reason why we rejoice that we don't allow a "body of elders" to judge us anymore.
I hope I have not made things worse... you asked for our opinions.
Hi Juni: I don't think adultery is something to celebrate. And I don't think using drugs is a healthy way to celebrate anything.
If, as some have suggested, your question stems from a personal motive, I am very sorry for your pain and hope you heal soon.
My witness friend told me how her daughter had got d'f for adultery and is now married with children to the person she had an affair with (non witness).
My reaction was supposed to be one of shock and disaproval but I secretly felt glad for her as it makes me feel so sad to see these young people trapped in bad marriages and expected to remain that way for the rest of their lives.
I imagined all the people who got married so young and made bad decisions. I felt bad for them and felt suffocated at the idea of being married to someone you don't get on with or have no respect for for the rest of your life.
I know adultery is a horrible thing. If things arn't working out then it would be better to part first but maybe some don't have that choice. Its hard for outsiders to see the formation of peoples emotions and actions so its easier to get angry. I feel that Butters reaction to this mans adultery was the right one in this case.
I think you cannot judge someone without walking a mile in their shoes. It's very easy to say it's something you would never do. I was one of those pious people. How could you possibly know that?
I also agree with the point that adultery doesn't occur in a healthy marraige. Personally I was married for 13 years and never so much as kissed another person (as it should be). It was only the thought that I might well die (at Armageddon!!) without experiencing real 'love' that moved me to go out and look for it. I did not want to break up my marraige or hurt the children, but I did feel the need to know. And I'm sure some of you will think that's awful, and that is your right. I genuinely and naively felt I could do this and come back and be a good witness afterward.
Thirdly, no I would not celebrate it, and I highly doubt ANYBODY who has committed adultery is happy about it, unless they are a complete asshole. It hurts people, it hurts you, your partner, extended family.. But on the other hand, no, I would not judge someone for anything at all. That just isn't my place or my right.
Poppy
Thirdly, no I would not celebrate it, and I highly doubt ANYBODY who has committed adultery is happy about it, unless they are a complete asshole. It hurts people, it hurts you, your partner, extended family.. But on the other hand, no, I would not judge someone for anything at all. That just isn't my place or my right.
Poppy's reet a' tell thee.
Peace
Lowden
Adultery is the ultimate crime against a spouse in my book, I have lived with my wife and put up with her ( as she has me) all forthe sake of the kids. We don't have the right to mess up their lives. If you are contemplating leaving your spouse please! Think of the children. Wait until they are at least 18 years old if at all possible. Think of their mind set, etc. I grew up in a divided home. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and believe me it even effects me to this day.
As far as the stigma of being disfellowshipped, I don't hold much credence in that, you don't know why someone was disfellowshipped and quite frankly I never had any trust in the Elders involved in any disfellowshipping. They are a buch of mind controlled zombies as far as I was concerned. Cleanliness of the congregation was just an excuse. for them to work their evilness as far as I was concerned.
My parents weren't happy together and a lot of the time the atmosphere at home would be absolutely dreadful. I couldn't bear it and I dreaded going home from school at times. It was very depressing and very draining. They stayed together until we had grown up but I really wish they hadn't. I feel really bad for my mum aswell for spending 30 years being so unhappy, I feel responsible for it somehow being as they felt the need to stay together for us kids.
