Hi, I'm new here

by sweetone2377 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sweetone2377
    sweetone2377

    I wanted to introduce myself real quick. I was raised as a witness from the age of 10. I am now 23 YO. I was disfellowshipped at the age of 19 for marrying a man who was studying. I had a very bad experience as a witness. I was beaten in the KH by an elder. I was verbally abused on every occasion. I was not allowed to associate with anyone around me because they were bad association and I was considered bad association because I attended a public school. Once I left school, at the bidding of my Witness mother, I was considered bad association because I was living alone and supporting myself. I had a "worldly" employer, which I was told was wrong. This is just a small amount of torture I endured as a Witness. When I met my DH, we were immediately told to have absolutely no contact. Not even to say hello or have our eyes meet at the KH or elsewhere. Yet we were able to contact each other by telephone. Odd I know...but these are odd ppl. Once reinstated (my mother begged me), I had my first child. 2 years ago we moved to another state and I send in my letter, disassociating myself. My mother is now not allowed to have anything to do with me. She does, however, have a relationship with my children. I feel that even though she allows other ppl to control her life, she still should be able to have a relationship with her grandchildren. I am still very much wounded and hurt by the treatment I recieved from my congregation and the elders and I'm still trying to get past it. I don't think I will ever forget or even forgive the things that I have endured at the hands of these ppl. But I would like to be able to eventually work through them and be able to put them in the past where they belong. I know have trouble with any kind of religion. I had taken a kind of religion test online a few months ago and it told me that I was 100% 2 different kinds of Buddhism. Go figure. And only about 16% JW. I try to steer as far away as possible from their beliefs unless something is true according to my own research using other publications than what is published by the WTBTS. I often sit and wonder if there is even really a god out there. I do not believe in evolution. Not because of my JW background but because of the holes in the theories. I feel that religion is just something that some guy thought of eons ago and uses as a means to control ppl, kinda like a man beating his wife, it's a controlling and scare tactic. I do celebrate holidays for family reasons. My children are made aware of the "real" meaning behind them. But they are only 3 and 2 YO.

    I sincerely hope that no one here has ever had the experiences that I have had. And I hope that everyone has learned to put their past behind them to an extent. And I hope to do the same soon.

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    Welcome, sweetone!

    I haven't time to write much, but found that I had been neglecting the personal experiences forum quite a bit and was trying to catch up a bit this morning. My husband has been in the hospital and I've not had as much time to spend here on the discussion board.

    I stopped studying with the witnesses as a 19 year old because I met my husband-to-be. We are still married twenty-three years later, despite my having spent 5 MORE years studying and 11 years as a dedicated witness after my eldest daughter was born. Now I am DA'd since March of this year.

    Hope to see more of your posts!

    outnfree

    Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire

  • Ray Skyhorse
    Ray Skyhorse

    Welcome Sweetone. You've had a tough time with the JWs. No doubt about it, you've suffered. Quite sadly, in my humble opinion, there are people here who have had it worse than you (child molestation victims in particular). It's utterly mind-boggling how much pain the WTS has caused. I'm not a JW but I am married to one. I hope she leaves the borg someday. We have an 8 month old son.

    Peace,
    Ray Skyhorse

  • peacepipe
    peacepipe

    Hi Sweetone!
    Welcome to be board. I think you'll find alot of understanding and compassion here. Look forward to reading your posts.

    PeacePipe

    Lift me up, I've had enough. . .Tom Petty
  • eldersdaughter
    eldersdaughter

    Hello,
    I was raised a JW from birth and didn't get df'd until I was 25 yrs. old. My father has been an elder since I was three. I know haow you feel and I too am learning we are not the only ones out there. The road is not easy. You are having to deal with something that makes me so upset to even think about. I have not yet had any children. I am 27 yrs. old and married a JW at 18 yrs. old. We got divorced two years ago after 7 years of mental and a few years of physical abusive. I am now engaged and we already live together. (Reason I was DF) I want children and so does he. At the present time my parents do not speak to me. I am an only child. So when I have kids I am not sure what will happen. I like you want my parents to see what will be there only grandchildren but I have a problem. How can I let my children be around people who think I am horrible and won't even speak to me. My best friend who is also DF recently had a baby. Her mother didn't talk to until she had the babay and slowly they now talk alot. Mayne when I get to that point you can give me pointers. I am glad to hear your story and would love to talk to you further. My e-mail is [email protected]

    Eldersdaughter

  • individuals wife
    individuals wife

    Welcome to Sweetone and Eldersdaughter

    Good to have you here.

    My heart aches for all those that have suffered such pain at the hands of the organisation. I believe that shunning is quite possibly one of the most dispicable things that one so-called Christian can do to another. I know from personal experience what anguish and stress it can cause, I also know that many only shun because of the fear that they too will be ousted from the congregation through association. I find it disgusting that the organisation rules through fear like that and find it incredible that they can call themselves 'Christlike'. Where in the Bible did Jesus shun anyone and treat them as though they were dead? Where in the Bible did Jesus cross over the road to avoid meeting the gaze of someone who did not share His beliefs? Where in the Bible did Jesus look into the eyes of someone with absolute hatred and loathing just because they chose to disagree with Him?

    To me shunning just serves as a way to keep the congregation in line, to prevent them finding out the reasons why disgruntled people are leaving - I sent copies of my da letter to many 'friends' in the congregation when I left so that they would be in doubt as to my reasons. I even sat with some of them as they read them just to make sure that they were read. The outcome was sadly obvious - I was stilled shunned by them all.

    I can understand your fears about the children - they are so innocent and should not be dragged in the absurd politics of the JW society. I think that they should be protected from all that as children. I made the mistake of becoming so involved with my congregation that my worldy family were somewhat neglected and it has taken quite a while for my children to become accustomed to spending time with them. The atmosphere used to be quite tense, especially around holiday seasons, it was as though everyone were treading on eggshells. Now, things are definitely more 'normal'.

    I recognise that I am very fortunate indeed in that I no longer have any family at all in the organisation which makes my life so much easier. My heart goes out to all those who have to deal with difficult decisions and situations concerning parents and grandparents etc.

  • logical
    logical

    Hello new here.

    Welcome to our cyber home. Everyone else has pretty much said everything. Im glad you got out of that death trap and your kids are being raised free from it.

    Just be careful your mother doesnt try to convert them. She will be expected to.

  • TheRecordCollector
    TheRecordCollector

    I'm very much in love with a witness. I'm 42 YO, she's a few years older than I.

    With all the abuse, and damage, WHY would anyone REMAIN A WITNESS?
    My God...! Some of you have read & responded to my post on the DATING, & RELATIONSHIP BOARD, "JW & NON-JW RELATIONSHIP".

    Doug (TRC)

  • sweetone2377
    sweetone2377

    Doug,

    It's because it's familiar. If you've been a Witness for years or maybe for all your life, you are trained to overlook such abuse and keep on going. You are taught that you shouldn't let any man stop you from serving Jehovah and that he will handle things in His way in His own time, you are to wait on Him. If you've lived in the same house for years and have to move, why are you sad about it? Even if you are moving on to better things? Because you have memories in that place. Just the same, as a Witness, you have your "friends", etc. You are expected to automatically dismiss anything anyone says that is negative toward the "Organization" as a lie. And it is tough to break away from, esp if your family are still believers. It's a sad sad thing when ppl's minds, thoughts, and hearts are taken away and replaced with man made ones designed to have you be what they want you to be. And it takes a lot of strength and courage to break away from it. It means taking on a whole new life, one that you have no knowledge how to live. And you have to learn to get up in the morning and read the paper instead of the "daily text". You have to go to work and earn a living instead of going out in the door to door ministry. You suddenly find yourself having to decided what hobbies you like, what kinds of things you enjoy doing in your spare time, where, as a Witness, all these things are decided for you. It's scary to imagine ever leaving. And I applaud anyone and everyone who has the courage to stand up and say "This is wrong and I don't want to be a part of it any longer" And my heart goes out to those who are still suffering abuse, some much much worse than what I went through, and can't seem to find a light to lead the way out of the darkness. Keep searching and you will find it.

  • airwlk149
    airwlk149

    hi sweetone,
    i don't write many replies to posts, but i saw it was you and i wanted to write you. i can't believe all the bad things that have happened to you. i am truly sorry to hear about them. i have had horrible experiences myself with the elder's in my local congregations... i did get your email...thank you so much. isn't this place wonderful?! logical prety much said what i feel, this is our cyber home. i am kinda new here myself... nut i feel like this is one big family. you sound really sweet, and would love to talk to you some more. i will email you soon, i promise.
    take care and remember, the wounds that the jw's leave take a LONG time to heal, believe me i am still healing. just be VERY careful that once you are healed you don't go back and get wounded again. it's VERY easy to fall under their fake "concern".

    love always,
    katie

    thanks for reading! :)

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