why when a person is dis fellowship the elders and others act like all hope is gone and refuse help that person come back to God's Word

by ray83 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • ray83

    I been married to my husband for almost 9 years. He's been a witness his whole life but got disfellowship a little over 15 years ago. before his dis fellowshiping he was very active. I'm not a witness but I do love the meetings and been going ever since I gotten married to him. Even though at time I do go back to my own church.


    I understand the reason for dis fellowship. But when a person is trying to come back isn't it is the responsibility of the elder to try to help that person get on the right path. Even by visiting them and giving them spiritual counsel and encouragement. The elders at our hall does not do that. I believe in Luke 15 that a Shepard's sheep wander off. That Shepard left the 99 sheep to go find that one and carried it back to the flock. Why witness believe that your problem is your problem with the belief of you left or messed up on your own and you should come back on your own. That is why I have seen people who were witness leave and went to other religions. I know in the baptist church i go to if i don't pick up a free CD on that Sunday service the pastor is calling me at 7 pm that Sunday night asking if something is wrong. When i did wrong my pastor came and talked to me until i saw God's way again. I think dis-fellowship is a harsh. Why is disfellowship so harsh.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Welcome Ray -

    Organized religion is harsh!!!!

    They are birds of a feather - simply demanding that people listen to them, believe what they tell them, and give them money for the privilege of being led by them!

    JW Elders are simply part of the religious system - nothing to do with faith!

  • Scully

    Most of us would agree that Disfellowshipping™ is an overly harsh punishment.

    Even when a criminal is in jail, segregated from the rest of society, the government allows for that person to receive training to allow them the opportunity to return to some kind of normal life when they are released or paroled. When paroled, the person has a support system - he has to check in with his parole officer, he has to report to work, and abide by conditions placed upon him (no drugs, alcohol or weapons, and no contact with former associates). It isn't always successful, but for the person who really wants to reform and change his life for the better, this structure can be helpful.

    Being DFd is more like being stuck out in the middle of the ocean without even water wings, and being told they have to swim to shore, through storms, frigid water, and constant struggling. The Elders™ are waiting on shore to make sure that the person dog paddles only - no breast stroke, no butterfly stroke, just dog paddle. The family and friends they had can't help them - they have to wait for the Elders'™ approval of the way they dog paddle to shore. Some people don't make it. They get taken by storms. Some just give up. And some come across kindly strangers who are willing to give them the help they need, that the Elders™ won't allow them to have. People with boats and life preservers and floatation devices, that give them hope and show them that life doesn't have to be like this, there are other options.

  • user100

    i believe they are supposed to but most are lazy.

  • WingCommander

    With research on the internet, you will soon come to see the very clear answer:

    JW's are a CULT!

    The very notion that so many ex-JW forums and websites exist should tell you how messed up this farce of a religion actually is.

    Run for your life.

  • DesirousOfChange

    That was the way DFing worked in the past. If a DFd person returned to attending meetings, not only the Elders, but the entire Cong could treat them in a civil manner but association at social events was limited or off limits.

    Today the DFing arrangement has morphed into a weapon for WTS to use against dissenters. Anyone who disagrees with the "Organization" (read: GB) is thrown out and kept as far away as possible from any active JW. This is really all about information control. They live in fear that the DFd person will reveal TTATT to active, submissive JWs. At best DFing is a punishment against anyone who dare "sin" (about the only sins now in JWLand are illicit sex and apostasy) The hardship of being reinstated is to teach others the lesson that they had best not break the rules of God's Word............oops......[I mean] the GB/Elders.


  • ToesUp

    ray83...that is a very good question.

    Ask yourself this...if you had a child and that child was involved in an accident (even if the child did something foolish that caused the accident) and broke a bone(s) (let's say both their legs). Once they arrived back home and required your help to heal their wounds. Would you tell that child to get out of your home until they were all better?

    I'm a parent (an imperfect parent) and I would NEVER be able to turn my back on my child when they needed me the most.

    Now...ask your self why would a loving and merciful God (and his visible earthy organization) turn their backs on you or anyone else in your time of need?

    Actions speak louder than words.

    There are some (very few) elders that TRULY care about you and your family. They will tell you that "we are the most loving organization" but when you or someone else is DF'd they will act as if you were dead. When you are going through tough times, this is when you need your friends and family the most.This is the main reason we, as a family, left. The hypocrisy is unbelievable!

    Best advise...RUN LIKE HELL. Go enjoy your life and appreciate the ones in your life that TRULY love you and will stick by you through thick and thin. These people are NOT those ones. It's a tough pill to swallow but it's true. Take it from most on this site. They all have seen it too!

    Once you come to the realization that these are not your "loving" brothers and sisters (even family) you will be able to move one. It is one of the most painful realizations I have had to deal with but as time goes on it is getting better. I have no more tears to shed.

  • jhine

    Toes Up , it is not God turning His back ,it's the Watchtower .As doc says shunning is now a weapon to keep people in line and stop the spread of subversion .


  • Finkelstein

    There are really two core aspects to high controlling religious cults which is contained in behavioral control as well mind control.

    The WTS was pressed to institute DFing based from the assumption of power and control by the top leaders.

    Behavior that was deemed unsupportive or conductive toward creating a good image for the organization as a whole was deemed worthy to dealt with accordingly and this could be minor things like smoking or not dressing appropriately at meetings, being too questioning toward the doctrines set out by the top leaders. etc.

    The WTS deems certain behavior as evil such as sexual misconduct ( Adultery, fornication ) these behaviors are deemed worthy of punishment and is done so by banishing ones within their own attending congregations.

    DFfing is a form of punishment for behavior that was destructive toward the pressing image of the organization within itself.

  • BluesBrother

    As 'Fink said

    DFfing is a form of punishment

    The miscreant is supposed to endure it and come back very repentant of his former ways in order to gain their favour..That is the system that the WTS operates - take it or leave it .

    I am concerned that you "love the meetings"... Please be aware that most of us on here have had our lives badly messed up by this religion and, believe us , what appears nice on the surface is different underneath. If your husband is reinstated , you and he will be "love bombed" initially - but the level of pastoral care is nothing like you describe from other churches. In my long experience , you are expected to get on with it.....

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