Your Time Spent in Therapy, while you were a Jehovah's Witness and After

by The wanderer 5 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  The wanderer

  Your Time Spent in Therapy as one of Jehovah's Witnesses

  This is one of those ultra sensitive issues that individuals may or
  may not wish to discuss, but nevertheless it does not lessen its
  importance.

  Recalling my Time Spent with a Therapist

  The Watchtower tended to look down on individuals
  who consulted or talked to a therapist. So, my feelings
  of guilt were overwhelming.
  
  Personally, I thought to myself that I was sinning against
  God by taking such a course. After two months of therapy,
  I stopped attending sessions because of the guilt factor.

  The Reasons for having to see a Therapist

  Being in the Kingdom Hall used to produce terrible
  guilt in my estimation. The times that were the happ-
  iest for me was when I was not there. I recall feeling
  good before attending a meeting and then feeling
  guilty or depressed soon after.

  What about your experiences?

  Did you have feelings of guilt or worthlessness,
  feeling that you did not measure up to the organ-
  izations standards?
  
  Did you attend therapy or cult "boot camp" sessions
  in order to get your emotions under control?
  
  What feelings did you have that persisted while
  you were either in the organization or outside of it?

  Please add your commentary to this open-minded
  discussion so that all may benefit.

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
• 

  restrangled

  Wanderer,

  As you may be aware this is very personal stuff but I am willing to share what I went through so that others can benefit in some way, or maybe not at all.....

  When I was just over 30, I was under a lot of stress and was getting very depressed. My husband and I had grown a business that basically took over our lives and I couldn't keep up with the home or two small boys. Our home phone was our business phone and it was answered 24/7 365 days a year. I was the phone person and it felt like an umbilical cord. On top of that my parents had visited over Christmas and my mom made a scene about a few decorations, even taking something off of our front door and flinging it across the living room.

  I had been seeing a counseler and she suggested I go to an intensive, 2 week stay in PA. I did.

  It was considered over a years therapy in those 2 weeks. What came out was that I was still very disfunctional from my disfellowshiping at age 16. The group I was in actually replayed the JC meeting by having me turn around and close my eyes. When I opened them and turned back around all the men in the group were standing in front of me pointing at me in silence. It was absolutely overwhelming. I couldn't stop sobbing. I was asked to turn around again, close my eyes and then reface them, and they were all hugging me.

  They let me cry for as long as I wanted to and then I was given a huge poster board with over 50 signatures and what they thought of me as a person. It was all wonderful, positive things. (they had made it up a head of time).

  I also learned I was extremely angry with my mother, but not with my father. I also learned it was OK to speak my mind and not have to be quiet and except what I am told. I also learned I was a worthwhile person, deserving of respect and allowed to express opinions that might not be liked, and it was ok to not have to measure up to everyones expectations of me. I learned to accept who I was and not what others wanted or needed me to be.

  I sometimes have to go back and remind myself of that, and I don't always do a great job of it, but the experience gave me strength I have relied on for many years.

  r.
• 

  greendawn

  When I realised that there were no prospects of a social life in the JW community I could see a future of loneliness and emotional dissatisfaction and strain and decided to pack up and basically leave. Otherwise given also the strain of JW restrictions I would have ended up with a psychiatrist, so I left in good time.
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  Woofer

  When I was 12 my JW brother killed himself (he was 23). Although the elders "encouraged" us not to go to counseling, my mom took us anyways. It helped talking to someone who was skilled in this profession (unlike the elders).

  I also went to counseling a few years ago when I couldn't bottle up anymore what my brother-in-law did to my sister and I. At this time I was already d/f but you can only try to deal with problems on your own for so long. I was also seeking help for my marriage. My ex-husband is a very controlling person and I couldn't take it anymore. Looking back, I think I was actually DRAWN to men who had that type of controlling behavior. I was controlled for so long in the borg, that it probably felt "comfortable" for me to be told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.

  Anyways my counselor helped me see that if I didn't break this habit that my kids would grow up and think that is how a man treats a woman. That actually was the final straw for me. I left him and now I am VERY happily married.
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  garybuss

  I don't have any problem with a counselor. I've sought out a few and I've benefited. I don't fix my own car, I'm not my own surgeon, and I'm not gonna try to fix my own brain. Most of the time when I was in a problem it was because of my thinking. I'm sure not gonna think my way out of something I thought my way into.
  
  If I have too much mental pain or anxiety, and I don't seek pragmatic help, there's a danger I'll find a way to self medicate it with substance, behaviors, or both. In the past, I've protected my biggest problems, my worst memories, and my biggest fears, because facing them was too scary and too painful.
  
  It took me 40 years to be able to talk about my mother breaking yardsticks on me and hitting my brother and I with fly swatters, and hitting my little preschool brother so hard with her hand that she'd break blood vessels in her hands.
  
  I can't blame Jehovah's Witnesses for it all. I was unlucky. I had bad parents and Jehovah's Witnesses gave them the context to practice bad with other parents practicing bad. Jehovah's Witnesses gave them excuses to continue and justification not to change.
  
  I'm free from that. I have freedom to change and heal and I have the courage and the will to want to change and heal. Now I want to do better myself and help other people.
  
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  jaguarbass

  After I left in 83, I read many self help books, and listened to many positve thinking tapes. I reprogrammed myself.