My Story

by ladybug25 28 Replies latest jw experiences

Fleur

Welcome, Ladybug! It really says a lot about your relationship with your husband that you are still together, couples less in love would not have survived the transition thus far.
You are definitely in the right place. I will link a couple threads from my experiences for you to read and I hope that they help. Some of them were posted under my original username here.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/3468/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/3958/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/4771/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/81783/1.ashx
The one about Holidays is for your hubby :) Maybe he'll read it eventually. I hope that you will soon be sharing and decorating the tree together.
It takes a long time to break free, especially when they had you as a zygote. They had me then too, and it's a long journey, but it is so worthwhile and your children will thank you for it someday.
Keep talking and keep reading, there is a lot of support to be had here. You are among friends.
hugs
essie
Warlock

Welcome Ladybug,
You know the Bible. You know what it says. Eternal life is A FREE GIFT from God. You cannot work for it, you cannot buy it. IT IS FREE.
Now, starting from there, read the Bible without the literature and you and your husband will find comfort, not condemnation.
How do you know you are condemned? Just because men tell you you are? That's not what God says.
When I first started studying, the brother asked me if I believed the Bible was the 'Word of God' and I said yes. Then he asked me if I would believe what was written in it as being the final word, and I said yes. Guess what? I finally got his point, over 20 years later, but not completely by myself, but with the help of the posters on JWD.
Please read my profile along with everyone elses, and you will see that we understand. We have been where you have been. Here, you will find people who care.
Warlock
outoftheorg

Hi LADY BUG!
I like that name you have chosen. It's cute.
I was born into a jw family. At least my mother and siblings were. Not my father, even though he did not speak against what he thought was a religion, he felt he did not need it.
I learned on my own later, that he was correct. He did not need it. He was a much better man than any Jw man I have ever known. I thought that he was unique and not often found in the "worldly men".
As I grew up, I found that not only my father but most worldly men were far better men than most jw's.
He learned the hard way when a very young man that strip clubs or flashing ones naked rear end is not an acceptable action.
Your hubby was not allowed the nonsense actions and thoughts when he was a young and typically ignorant young man. In my opinion most of us that have not been allowed to act like idiots when we are teenagers and are made to behave like learned men at that time, will look back at that time and want to live through it now. All the time not knowing why but just having the emotional urges tormenting them.
Use your psychological training and knowledge and tell me what you think.
Outoftheorg
Balsam

Welcome Ladybug, sounds like your husband is still very much stuck in believing what he wants to believe, but doing what ever he wants without realizing if he still believes it why is he not doing it?
Sad how JW or people stuck in the mentality break the rules but refuse to question the sensibleness of the rules.
pippy

It seems you may well be a few steps ahead of him in leaving but he is in that dangerous stage. He is in the stage where he still believes what the WTBTS says about ALL the people in the world who are NOT JWs.
He has tattoos, he smokes, he wants to go to strip clubs, he's talking about smoking pot.....yeah and......is that what ALL non JWs do. Is that clever?
Is his plan to go from being a brain dead dub to being a brain dead ex dub, as the Society paints all non JWs or is he going to wake up and see the world for what it really is. The vast majority of people in the world are moral, upstanding, caring people. Does he really believe that leaving dub land means he has to act like an idiot? Is there any chance he can get his brain into gear and discover the truth about the world at large and that it isnt all the way the Watchtower paints it.
this is where i was at when getting df'd. it is so true, you can really become wreckless in your life if you leave the witnesses but still believe it. they make you feel so unworthy, and that your life will never be truley good and fullfilling. Its just programmed into you suppose to make you return to them. My brother helped me get through this , by saying to me that jesus died for our sins ,and if we believe in him we will be saved. this goes for everyone on this planet, he didnt say, you will be saved,if you go to all the meetings. or IF you go pioneering, or anything like that. So we already have his blessing , and are free to live our personal life and pray without the feeling that we we are not doing enough. He gave us the gift of forgiveness for our sins , so that we can live,, which you feel you can do, once you get past all the judging and high expectations the jws put on you. its simple and no more or no less. I dont know if this would help your husband, but it certainly got me past all the fears i was having . then you can realise,just because you choose not to be a witness doesnt mean you want to be morally corrupt,and punnish yourself for not living up to such a judgemental organisation.
Asheron

Thank you for sharing your story and Welcome to the family.
Velta

Ladybug,
My heart goes out to you in empathy for what is happening in your life. When we left in 1983 and were disfellowshipped, my husband left too, but he did not do anything with his life for 10 years. Even though I began celebrating everything the next next, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, St. Patricks Day, Ground Hog Day, Green Leaf Day, (hee hee) I celebrated everything!!!, he did not get involved. He was mentally out of the WT but still not willing to step up to a new life. He finally started going to a church fellowship with me and was invited to a PromiseKeepers conference. This was in 1994. He came back wanting to be a pastor. It takes time for some people (maybe it is just men's caution) to shake the old and get into the new. Just keep loving him and in time, he will come around to at least looking at some of the things that you feel are important.
Dansk,
I enjoyed reading your story and I feel your pain at losing your daughters. My son and his family have not talked to us in over 8 years. Over the years it has become worse since Joe became a pastor and is "a clergyman of Babylon the Great" as our son has said. They refused to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary even though we rented a hall so it would not be held at a church building. It is hard to deal with, but I know that they love God and are trying to please Him. The Bible says "they will kill you thinking they are doing God a favor". This is essentially what has happened, we are dead in their eyes. But God is faithful and I know that He reads the heart. Take heart, we will see them again even if it is not in this life.
Our website is at: www.geocities.com/veliveleth
Velta
freedomloverr

Welcome Ladybug!!

I have hope for your husband yet! Just a suggestion- but I was fearful of looking at apostate websites also when I started having doubts. I found a book at the library called "Toxic Faith" and it was something I felt *safe* reading. It opened my eyes tremendously and started me on the journey of breaking free of the mental chains that the WTS had on me.

Maybe you should get it and leave it laying around in plain sight....

ya never know!
Lady Liberty

Dear Ladybug,
WELCOME!! Thank you so much for that heartfelt experience. You have certainly both been through ALOT!! I completely understand the whole in-law thing, as my own in-laws have been the biggest gossiper, slanderers regarding my husband and I. The feelings of betrayal are hard to even begin to express. It is like they are on a crusade to destroy us. Its like they won't be happy until they have us disfellowshipped or disassociated. I please invite you to do some deep research into the organizations past. You will not only be shocked at what you find, but you will soon see that alot of the guilt you are feeling, you should not feel. And that they have been put there by brain washing techniques. Please read my story on how I came to have questions. If you check out what I did you will soon be able to pull back the curtain and see who is really running things. You can find the story under my first topic ever posted, entitled, its high time I introduce myself. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/109978/1.ashx
I am sharing this with you, as I have many, hoping that somehow those that read it will too check these things out for themselves, and be free of the control and guilt. It is a slow process, but until you see that they are nothing nore than a publishing company, you will probably always feel the way you do. I also encourage you to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. He was a governing body member who left the organization. It is quite a eyeopener. Also I invite you to check out these webites:http://www.watchtowerinformationservice.org/index.php/category/watchtower_quotes/present-truths/ and:
http://corior.blogspot.com/
You will have much support here, as MANY have gone and are currently going through the same thing. I encourage you to get your husband to join you here on this forum, as it will tremendously help both of you begin to heal, and will be VERY eyeopening.
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty

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