Here's the first post I ever made...I just wanted to post it again so I can re-introduce myself ,especially to any new people who have come along. Sorry for the lack of indentations..makes for a harder read I know...forgive me. Once again....looking forward to making some new friends.
I'm new to the board and I wanted to say hello. My name is Shannon, I'm from Upstate New York. I was raised a Witness....was a late disciple (baptized at 19...oh what a bad girl) and married at 20 to a man who's greatest goal in life was to be an elder...(he never got past ministerial servant). I was always the black sheep, which should have told me from the get go to get the hell out, but brainwashing is pretty powerful isn't it? No matter what congregation I belonged to...the elders never liked me, because I loved to think, question, analyze and worst of all, I loved education. What a rebel, huh? My lightbulb moment? I was discussing this with annalice, who is another member of this board (thanks for telling me about it), and have known and loved her as one of my dearest friends for over 15 years..... there are long durations of time that the little things add up, gearing you towards your final departure, but there is always that one moment when the timing is just right and you finally hit the wall..... mine? well, after living in a marraige where I played the dutiful Christian "capable" wife, working hard, knowing my place in Jehovah's marital arrangement (definition: subservient second-rate citizen)...I decided that I wanted to get the college education that I was deprived of and start taking classes. The law was laid down by the lord of the house (definition:you have a penis, you are the king) "Why oh why would you go to college and waste your time that would be more suitably spent studying for meetings, going out in field service or having bible studies, and why go to college to get a degree in a world that is going to end shortly anyway??" To which I replied, "Well gee honey, you and the other brothers get together a few times a week playing in your 'Witness Band' spending money on musical instruments, and your time could be spent doing the same things.....WTF???" The answer was "I am the head of this household and the foremost authority on its spiritual needs and my answer is NO".... Well... that was my moment. I told my husband....we're done. I deserve to be happy, and this organization has stripped me of any happiness I could have ever had in life, from what I lost throughout my childhood, to what I lost in a marraige that was based more on how "Jehovah" told him he could love me (I'll post more later on the sexual aspect of that thought, won't that be a fun thread?) rather than what his heart told him. And here I am !!!!!! I was disfellowshipped at the age of 29, which was 4 years ago..... and the saying Born Again has never taken on a greater meaning.. I felt like a newborn in a big, big, big world. And I'm glad that all of you are a part of it, because I would never wish that organization on even my worst of enemies, and for all of you to find the strength to leave, it speaks volumes on your characters without me knowing any of you....but we all share one common bond, and that is being survivors of that cult. I used to think that being a part of a board such as this, or still fuming over the organization, could only be destructive, it gives too much time and attention to them even after the fact.... but I've come to realize that unless people have experienced what we have, no one will ever know, or appreciate what we've gone through, and still go through. And whether or not we have been out for one year or twenty years, those moments still happen where we can't help but be reminded of our horrible experiences, feelings of loss, feelings of guilt or regret, and if it means turning to a network of friends who can be a listening ear to remind us....it will be okay, that's not our life anymore, we are truly free....then one, ten or twenty years later...we can be thankful for one thing that the organization gave us......each other. I only wish we could save the rest of them, the families and friends that are still captive to their lies and manipulations...but you can't win them all.
Hello to you all, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Oh, and by the way, I'm happy to announce, that college education I was forbidden to pursue...well a 4.0 GPA and Dean's list isn't too shabby, now is it? Guess women do have brains and can handle more than just the dishes. Jehovah needs to move out of the Dark Ages.
Have a good one.
<< Shannon >>