Disfellowship Removal

by easyshi 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • BizzyBee
    I'm not going to allow her to feel that there is going to be an easy transition, at the hall or at home.

    You might use other words to convey this but your observation is quite accurate. It will be important that such a major shift in her life be recognized as having an enormous impact on the marriage. Remember this if she should attempt to minimize the magnitude of what she is contemplating.

    Wishing you well...................

  • doinmypart
    We have known each other for over 5 years and I'm sure we broke many JW rules in the process.

    If you broke the rules by engaging in what they term "Porneia, loose conduct, or uncleanness" before you were married, the jc will probably grill her on that. They will ask a lot of intimate questions and want details. It doesn't matter that she was DF while engaging in this activity, they will use it along with the information for which she was disfellowshipped.

    I'm not kidding or exaggerating. They love to ask questions of that nature. As a non-JW you may not be allowed in the room with her while the questioning is taking place, again, depends on the elders.

  • easyshi

    Thanks again, but I feel that the consequences of the wrong choice on her part are so monumental, that the effects cannot be soft pedaled. I just hope that the process of re-instatement opens her eyes...

  • easyshi

    It would be real interesting if the Elders allow me to attend the "inquisition". I would even agree to being questioned myself, but I doubt it since they would not hold much sway over me when it comes to intimidation. My wife is even of the belief that the Elders have no choice but to let her back in. I find that hard to believe from what is being said by all on this post and the limited knowledge I have of the JW's.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I have seen people sit in the back alone for years. They may not have been able to hold to the requirements put on them by the elders, but the elders DO have a choice whether to let her back in. One advantage you do have is they consider you the head of your wife. Use this to your advantage. Read up on what wives must do to submit to their husbands. Not to be mean, but to help her see what her religion teaches.

    If you can get her to do some critical reading now, this is crucial. Once she starts this process, she may see it as a personal failure to God if she fails. And you will be demonized as a "worldly" person. It can put a big wall between you and her. You don't say anything about children, but this religion can really mess them up and you will be constantly at odds about how to raise them.I hope she doesn't go through with this.

  • moshe

    Welcome to the Forum.

    You must continue to educate yourself about JW's- be involved and if possible find some former JW's to meet with together to just talk about what it is like being out and chamges/coverups in the Org. She has been gone a long time- perhaps the chnages in the "1914 generation" teachings alone will be enough to help her see the light.

    good luck,


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    One of the biggest travesties IMHO is the opening of the old wounds that will occur. The 'new congregation' will be made aware of all her past actions, most likely all past judicial action of any kind, no matter how it ended.

    They will given the opportunity to judge her without any real and itimate understanding of her unique background or personallity. It is all black and white to them. They love to probe and fish for dirty linen.


    Edited to add; I meant to say the new elders would know those details - but often it is not kept with confidentiallity as it should be either.

  • GoingGoingGone

    Hi easyshi and welcome!

    Why does your wife want to get reinstated? Is it to be able to associated with family? Or does she believe that JWs have 'the truth'? If it's the latter, then I would encourage her to look into the history of the WT, false prophecies, UN scandal, etc.....

    If it's to be able to associate with family, and that's a big issue for her, she can always get herself reinstated and then not go to meetings afterwords. Even so, I would make sure she knows the facts about this org. before she does. Check out the 'Best of' section of this forum, there is a ton of information here!

    Best of luck to you! We're here if you need us!


  • ocsrf

    Is she doing this only because she wishes to be able to see and talk to her family?

    Or, does she believe it is the truth and wants to be back in the religion, either way, do what the other posters suggested and make sure she spends some time reading other materials besides what the Society publishes.


  • easyshi

    Great Question, when I asked her about what was the driving force behind her going back she mentioned to me the most recent war in the middle east, and she missed the understanding the JW's provided. I'm really unsure of her reason. She has a brother that is a witness whom she talks with all the time and he comes to visit but has never once bought up the religion prior to this. Me and her brother play golf together and talk quite a bit, the JW's never came up until he was visiting last month and that was when you she bought it up to me. I don't think he was the initiator. There are two sisters also and another This is really strange and difficult for me to understand...

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