What would Jesus have to.......

by kerj2leev 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • parakeet

    ***....change in order to be qualified for baptism (as a Dub)***

    He would have to fill out monthly FS time reports:

    "Sea of Galilee: 15 min. walking on water." (too flamboyant--demonstrates desire for personal glorification. Must be cautioned about 'walking modestly with Jehovah')

    "Mount of Olives: 30 min. witnessing to crowd" ('weak' on time -- meeting talks should be at least an hour)

    "Cana: 30 seconds turning water into wine" (stumbled some brothers who don't drink -- needs counseling from the elders)

    "Sea of Galilee: 2 hours feeding multitude fishes and loaves." (concentrates too much on physical needs instead of the 'life-giving food from the faithful and discreet slave')

    "Jerusalem: 20 min. overturning tables in the temple." (signs of 'independent thinking' and disrespect of Caesar's laws)

    It's not looking good for Jesus if he wants to be baptized as a dub.

  • Nowman

    I know I know Kerj, I remember how you sued to hate those awful skirts above the knees!


  • kerj2leev

    Nikki I swear I never looked!!!!!

  • Nowman

    Kerj, thats because you were a good little JW just like me...lol. ***Nikki***

  • daystar

    He'd have to stop fraternizing with prostitutes, criminals, and also heretics like that blasted John the Baptist.

  • BizzyBee

    Jesus relied on independent thinking. And he always hogged the microphone. Christ! You'd think everything he said was gospel! Never once used the name Jehovah, either. Never put anything in the contribution box. Balked at filling out time slips. Kind of a sad sack, too - almost like he expected to be beat up.

    Acted like he never even heard of Brooklyn. Clueless!

    Nope - bad clothes, bad grooming, bad attitude.

  • beautifulisfree

    1. Well I have never seen a male Jdub wear Sandels before...So, he would have to get rid of those

    2. And next time he talks to a woman at the well..he should have a chaperone...Cause guys and girls 'can't just be friends'

    3. And learn how to respect the Pharisees I mean Elders

  • Deputy Dog
    Deputy Dog

    How would you get the spirit directed organization to descend like a dove?

  • 144001

    He would have to stop thinking for himself and allow 12 dimwits in Brooklyn to do that for him.

  • Honesty

    He would have to become something He has never been.....

    Michael the Archangel.

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