Relationships and 'theocratic' career

by cyberdyne systems 101 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    Did you notice or experience the fact that to have an approved romantic relationship you had to be baptised, and for men often you would be expected to be a min servant or elder, or at the very least reaching out in the congregation. I'm sure others had other rules such as being a pioneer or something. Its another area where you are pressured into conforming to a certain ideal - not a scriptural one but an organisational one. And yet the NT never said we'd all be the same, some would have one strength and others something else, and the least of us was essencial to the whole (annointed ones of course!).

    CS 101

  • Gordy

    Probably apart from having to be a baptised JW. Never heard of any restictions or otherwise for brothers/sister to have an "approved romantic relationship".

    I was baptised Jan 1972, married JW sister July 1974, niether of us had pioneered, I wasn't "reaching out" for any position etc.

    We did have a couple of sisters who considered themselves the "matchmakers" of the congregation.

    But there again this is one of those things which can vary from congregation to congregation. In my congregation it was as long as you were both baptised JW's. In another the brother may have to show he is "spiritual" reaching out etc.

  • Honesty

    I don't know about 'reaching out' for 'privileges' but I do know that a white brother from a predominately white congregation started dating a black sister from an all black congregation and they caught so much hell from the elders and witlesses in both congregations that their relationship fell apart.

    So much for the 'Unity' and 'Equality', eh.

  • AgentSmith

    Greetings everyone. This is my first post, after trying to read as many of the threads as I could. I thought I could read all of it before I introduce myself, but there is so much info here!

    I identify with being told, 'suggested' 'encouraged' to be a baptised witness BEFORE I can get serious with a sister. I grew up as a JW, My father being a MS and when I was 10, he was appointed an elder. Of course my sister and I had to be an example in the congregation. So I was a good little JW doing 8 hours minimum in 'fieldies'. I thought I would wait to be baptised as I saw how youngsters baptised at 13 years old hit the wall by the time they reach 18.

    Short version, at 23 I met my wife, also JW, at my sisters wedding. Her parents gave me a hard time when I tried to date her. I was still unbaptised. However I was doing my community service for refusing to join the SA Army. That and being a shining example as an elders son did not cut it.

    By that time I had started to drift away anyway, so maybe they had a point. But to get the woman I loved, I got baptised. She was in a JW house where she was abused and just wanted to get out ASAP. Only found that out after being married 10+ years....

    Interesting thing, one of the elders doing my baptism questions (round 1) shot me down because although my hours were good, I did not place any books in the previous 12 months, only Mags.

    I thought that was a bit rich since his daughter was....... another story, another time.....

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Hi agent smith, and welcome to the forum

    In my kh, there were, and still preusamably are, several unmarried, unattached sisters, and I used to get the impression if a newby came along, they distanced themselves from him until he was baptised, and then they took a real interest in him. I know this happened with Trev, my bf. Once he was baptised, he had no shortage of invitations for meals etc, and when he was appointed a ms, he was even more popular with the single sisters.

  • greendawn

    "To have an approved relationship", by whom? If you mean by the organisation I never saw this happen back in the 1980's though some dubs may want as a mate a very spiritual person eg a JW girl had high ambitions to become a missionary and was looking for someone with similar objectives.

    On the other hand inactive JWs that don't preach have little chance (the stigma of a weak brother/sister) though as you said preaching should be only one aspect of many in Christian life yet the JWs seem to measure and evaluate everyone mainly by it.

    It's for congo positions that one has to be dedicated and obedient up to a minimum point eg if you don't preach 8 hours per month you never become an elder or MS even if you are the perfect family head and have a heart of gold.

  • sspo
    Interesting thing, one of the elders doing my baptism questions (round 1) shot me down because although my hours were good, I did not place any books in the previous 12 months, only Mags.



  • sspo
    So much for the 'Unity' and 'Equality', eh.

    To Honesty

    If you are in TN, i am not surprised a bit, expecially around 1960,and70's............ blacks and whites were sitting in different section of the KH.

  • Lilycurly

    Yeah, it was pretty much the norm.

    I don't know if everywhere was the same, but in our congo, they kept reminding us that it was the right thing to do, if the person you were dating was from another congregation. You should talk with their elders to see if hey was a "good christian". I used to be so uncomfortable doing that and knowing the guy was talking with the elders about me behind my back. So unatural and untrusting.

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