Hello to one and all. This is my first posting(well 2nd as the last one which I remember as being pretty exppresive got lost in cyber space when I hit the send tab) Shit! now that's frustrating. I'll save as I go along cos this may take a few lines to get off my chest. This is possibly why I hide behind the Templars armour, too affraid that in open honesty I won't get struck down for blasphemy. Anyway I'm still up to telling you all, the view I hold now. And it will seem that I am angry. Don't mean to upset anyone as I usually only talk about these things with members of my close family or friends.(something I hope some of you out there can become) From age 5 approx til 23 I was brought up in the "Truth". Eventually things didn't add up, I found myself out on the ministry wishing to be elsewhere, where I didn't have to be the hypocrite that I felt I was. Married to a sister that was more like a mother, took beating after beating in the name of the lord. How sad, but after having been brought up with her own father abusing her, what do you expect. I left over 18 years ago doing the whole youth thing back to front. I went off the rails quite literally. Joy of joy no more hypocrisy no more brotherhood, falsehood or WBTs directives about the sinfull nature of wearing white socks to the meetings. Girls by the dozen, hormones overflowing. Did 9 out of the 10 commandments. You'd think the freedom to chose my own path would have been the gift I'd always wanted, wouldn't you? Me too. With freedom comes responsibility to not only take the blame but to be resposible. A teaching from of old. That's God's will, that's the work of the Devil. Either or!!! God doesn't make mistakes no error in him, anything bad or we're not sure, blame Satan...! I bet Old Nick is Pi----g himself laughing. God screwed up but he gets the blame. So fair so just this god of love. `Oh yeah... Man that I've created go forth 2 arms 2 legs but crawl on your belly along the ground.( let's make this freewill a burden)Oh but if in doing this chore you get scratched and bleed then, well that's the Devils fault`. No wonder I couldn't take responsibility for my actions, neither can he, lest we the servants down here make him accountable. And what is freewill if not the freedom to make your own choice and accept responsibility for the outcome. Oh yeah... excercised within the rules!!! So I set out to find answers where previously only cluelessness had done the job. All these years I carried an invisible backpack, ladened with teachings, laws, tradition and downright cultish bahaviour. Do you know I thought out of the grip of the P.O. and the elders I would be able to have what I saw "normal" worldly people had. But somehow that vicelike grip of mind control still had me blinded to my patterns of behaviour so subtle that even now I'm not sure if I am actually free of them or not.
I have not been able to truly be open, honest with anyone in a lasting way though I grew up to be truthful. Relationships have failed time after time and bouts of unexplained frustration and anger come out at the most in-appropriate times. Just like regular people eh? My point is not to blame but to say that now I know where the fault lies and what to do about them( mostly) run away!!
Here is something that has made me very angry. To the point that my good self control, helped me to throw a pan through one of the windows at my home in absolute rage after finishing Dan Browns DAVINCI CODE. Fantastic book... Where the F--- did that come from? The Idea that Jesus a man could have been not only married but a father. I'm not saying that I took it literally, but why had I neither the sense nor curiosity to have thought this a possibility. I recently checked back did some digging. The WBTs don't seem to want to talk about Mary Magdalen and if they do it is to belittle her as a whore. Does any one remember watchtower articles on a Sunday about this rumour/fact/theory? I learned how not to masterbate or have sexual thoughts that were Idolotry even though He himself made these things a natural part of the human makeup. How to serve the kingdom as a youth, put all my own feelings and aspirations on hold for the new system. How the prophets lived, died, cured, taught and sh-t. how jesus fulfilled 333 prophesies, etc etc but never as the gnostics alude to, that he lived as all other men might. Did they think that this was one of those taboo subjects that would only serve to mystify. I fear not, but it certainly had it's elusive grip over me. I can't believe even now why they would want to lie to us all.
My own father chosen to be of the"annointed class" at 35 yrs (now 68) has sent more people out than converted. And he still can't understand why I get annoyed when he won't accept that this is because he tells so many lies. He lives with the "heavenly hope". HE Lives in cloud CUCKOO land!!!!
So there we go. I hope that was as theraputic for you as it has been for me. Please let me know what you all think of my comments. I won't be surprised or offended if you tell me I am crazy...