If I went back would I get DF'd because I married an non-JW?

by HalfWayThere 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • done4good
    If it is known that you are living with your fiance, you will be facing a judicial comittee. And most likely a disfellowshipping. Just saw it happen. Said it shows a pattern of wrongdoing and no repentance.

    That will happen, no getting around it.

    As far as going back goes, IF you can stomach the above then maybe, but I think that defeats the purpose.


  • jgnat

    You just described my life. I am the non-JW half of the union. Fornication is DF'able, marrying a non-JW, reproof. If you act REAL repentant for the fornication and do some major suck-up, you might get away with reproof for it all. And the enduring suspicion of the Elders in the hall.

    You really want to go through all that? Allrighty then. This is what I suggest.

    1. Get married first. They can't reverse a vow before God.
    2. Get your mom onside. Tell her you sincerely (gag) want to become active again. You live in hope that your fiancee will join you in paradise earth. You know it's the Troof (gag).
    3. Give it a couple weeks to have your mom warm up the elders. Maybe she'll send some Elders your way to scope you out. Elders always move faster if there is a concerned relative in the wings.
    4. Warn your bride of the upcoming scrutiny. Let her know her rights. The elders have no authority over HER, and she is under NO obligation to answer any of their questions. Her get-out-of-jail-free card is to repeatedly tell the elders that she is under YOUR headship and she discusses these PRIVATE matters with you alone.
    5. When you visit the elders, confess, confess, confess. Repent, repent, repent. It-was-only-one-time. You will humbly accept any discipline the elders deem necessary. I suspect you know the drill
    6. Sign up for a book study, and accept any discipline the elders offer up. Restriction would be GREAT because then you CAN'T answer at the meetings. Just show up.
    7. Every three weeks or so, have your new bride show up at the hall, shake hands all around, my what nice people you all are. Sorry, I am too busy for a book study. Maybe next time.

    You're in. Hide the Christmas lights.

  • jgnat

    OOOPS, correction. I forgot. Instead of:

    Fornication is DF'able, marrying a non-JW, reproof.

    It is:

    Fornication is DF'able or reproof, depending on the elder's judgement of your repentance. Marriage to a non-JW is sternly frowned-upon. So a thinking JW will MARRY FIRST, tell later. Don't worry, the elders will make sure you "pay" for your unwise choice of partner. In our case, if my JW husband needs advice or support regarding our marriage, he'll be told it's his own d**** fault for marrying me, choke on it.
  • JWdaughter

    Hi, I think JGNAT had good advice(she has picked up a LOT as a non-JW, I am impressed).

    I think going to some meetings with your mom before the wedding and softening her up could be a good thing. If you are in a different cong. all the better for you-even if you just show up now and again after the wedding(and face the consequences, if they care to inflict them upon you), no one can give your mom grief and she won't feel bad communicating with you when the grandchildren come around, and your sisters won't be nasty to your wife(to- be) since they will want to finagle her into the organization. It would be a nice gift to give to your mom who seems so firmly entrenched. She needs a good son to be able to lean on unconditionally, and we know that everyone else she is involved with is pretty much 'conditional'. Just let her know that there are no circumstances which would ever cause you to reject or ignore her(if this is after a sis's emotional/religious blackmail, so much the better).

    Good LUCK, God bless, and hug your mama! Shelly

  • jgnat

    A thought occurred to me overnight. Repenting for pre-marital sex after marriage is darned easy. As a friendly brother helpfully pointed out to my JW hubby, all he has to do is promise not to do it any more.

Share this