I'm Scared

by FriendlyFellaAL 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  FriendlyFellaAL

  Hello everyone,

  Before I get started on what I'm afraid will be a lengthy post, I just want to say a few things. This may not be the appropriate forum for me to post what I need to say, but I hope that all of you will be understanding and supportive of how I feel. I've been lurking here for quite some time and have even been brave enough to make a few posts, so I feel somewhat comfortable expressing this here.

  Perhaps I should discuss my background a bit before getting to the heart of the matter so you all can understand where I'm coming from.

  I am a late 20-something former JW, never disassociated myself but completely stopped attending meetings about four or five years ago. My mother is a die-hard Witness and I and my siblings were raised that way. I've recently completed "Crisis of Conscience" and have discovered the duplicity and cowardice that the WBTS employs in their dealings with their own members and their teachings. Still, I am torn as to my own religious beliefs...Is there a burning hell, will the Earth become a paradise or are we intended to go to heaven? Things of that nature. I'm sure this is normal to an extent, but in light of what has happened this week I'm at a loss.

  Due to the horrific events that have taken place this week I am, as the subject line indicates, scared. I suppose it's not a very rational reaction...one would think I would be sad or angry or filled with the very palpable sense of nationalism in the air at the moment, but I'm not.

  Nothing in my life prepared me for what I saw on Tuesday. I've mourned for the loss of what happened to those people and their families so much that I don't feel I can even turn on the television again until this has become a little less immediate. Now that the grieving is subsiding somewhat, I'm finding that feeling replaced by fear...

  Fear of war, fear of Armageddon, fear for my friends and loved ones, fear for what is going to happen to us all in the wake of this tragic event. Based on what I had been taught my entire life, this possibly points to the beginning of Armageddon and each moment of each day since Tuesday has made it a little harder to deal with.

  I don't want to die, I don't want to see the horrible destruction that I was always taught is going to befall mankind, I don't want to see a whole nation (Afghanistan) obliterated in an attempt to get at the person who may or may not have been behind this assault. It all just seems so pointless right now.

  Looking back on this message, I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to post it. I suppose I'm hoping to hear that I'm not the only one that feels this way, that it's ok to be scared or frightened or angry or sad. After writing this I do realize that it's made me feel a bit better now that I've had an opportunity to express myself. Thank you very much for that.

  Brian
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  Englishman

  Friendly Fella,

  You are right to be scared, but this is a healthy fear!

  Fear keeps us on our toes and alert to danger. Its recognised that drivers who proceed at a healthy pace have their adrenalin buzzing so that they are actually safer than an old codger poodling along at 30 mph. The frisson of fear keeps them safe.

  Fear can be your friend when you use IT as a tool, just don't let fear make you freeze up and long for the non-existent haven of dub-dom.

  As for death or non-existence, so what? It didn't cause you any problems before your birth did it?

  englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
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  outnfree

  (((((Brian)))))),

  Welcome to the Board!

  Reading Crisis of Conscience tends to send all dubs and x-JWs into a spiritual tizzy. That part is normal.

  I think you'd, we'd, all be FOOLS not to be scared by this past week's events.

  Most of us were taught to abhor violence and war and thus have a hard time understanding the enormity of what just happened and, of course, have an aversion to the methods that may or may not be employed to bring the perpetrators to justice.

  I, personally, do NOT feel that this is the precursor to Armageddon.

  I think as disenfranchised JWs, though, many of us can understand the totally UNbalanced religious fervor that drove these terrorists into thinking that their actions were pleasing to Allah. It's another brand of "our way or the highway" thinking that is common to any religion which thinks of itself as the "holy way."

  Before I posted on these discussion boards, I never reflected on what the JW hope of surviving into Paradise on earth really meant to those destroyed. I have since reflected and found it abhorrent.
  Now that we have all seen what the destruction of several buildings and several thousand human beings at once actually IS, we are in the unique position of having a foretaste, on a relatively miniscule (who'd have thought that word could be applied here to the despicable and worst massacre in human history) scale of what Armageddon will look like. (Assuming it ever comes.)

  I'm no longer sure that if it DOES come that I would want to BE among the survivors of such horror. God would CERTAINLY have to "wipe every tear from their eyes" and do away with "mourning and outcry and pain", because that's all the world would be full of afterward.
  Sort of like now.

  This has been a nearly instantaneous holocaust.

  Please keep posting and exploring your feelings as the fallout in pain and suffering continues... we are all suffering and can take comfort in one another and our unique perspective.

  Hang in there, Brian!

  outnfree

  Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire
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  proplog2

  Armageddon is the "divine" intervention in human affairs that succeeds in saving "flesh" from the consequences of its unenlightened rulers.

  Think of a world without the intervention of Armageddon. Do you see survivors besides cock-roaches?

  Super terrorism has a lot more devastating tricks in its bag. Read up on Anthrax.
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  borgfree

  Hi FriendlyfellaAl,

  When I left the WT I really felt alone. A few months later I went to an ex-jw convention in Pennsylvania where I met several hundred ex-jws. They were a great help to me. I would recommend that you (and anyone else) go. You will be welcome and loved whether you are JW, ex-JW, atheist, agnostic, or whatever. You will find love that you did not experience in the WT. At the address below you can find information about the convention, program, speakers etc.

  http://www.bmcr.org/main/

  Borgfree

  "You can fool some of the people all of the time" especially if you are a member of the WT GB
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  Tinkywinky

  You arent the only one Brian.
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  dungbeetle

  (((Brian)))
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  Vitameatavegamin

  Hello FriendlyFella!(Brian),

  Welcome. I have been on this forum since July and at first I was totally guilt ridden for even posting here! I have been afraid and in some ways still am. As JWs, everything we are taught is absolute. There is very little grey area as far as their teachings about God, armageddon, the great tribulation, etc. When we start to stray from our only known comfort zone, it can be terrifying. But, I personally feel that our God know us better than we think he does. Being a Christian is not just about meetings attended and hours of field service put in. As a Witness, our spirituality seems to be totally guaged upon what the eye can see. I recently have been reading my bible more and more and I came across a scripture that sums my feelings up on this pretty well. Matthew 6:1 " Be careful not to do you're acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from you're father in heaven".

  Does'nt that hit home?? I just realized this so recently. And also regarding acts of giving to those in need, the next verse, Matt.6:2, reads," So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have recieved their reward in full". " But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your father , who sees what is done in secret will reward you".

  I am sorry to be so lengthy, but have you noticed that anytime there is a disaster, there is always a portion of an article in the Watchtower or Awake showing what all the society did for disaster relief, what they donated etc. I am just trying to make the point that the JWs don't alway follow their own counsel. Why? I am not sure. I just know I see alot of inconsistencies in their teachings.

  I hope i did not ramble on too much. I wish you well in your journey for truth. Look forward to more of your comments!

  Thanks!

  Vita
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  RedhorseWoman

  Brian, there's nothing wrong in being afraid. The events this past week have shaken everyone. However, after a certain point, one realizes that fear can be healthy to a certain extent in that it can make us more aware and better prepared for what we need to do. The main thing we need to remember, however, is not to let the fear cripple us, but rather use it to help us determine what our priorities are and what we need to do.

  I've lived through the era of the Korean War, Vietnam, scores of hurricanes and other natural disasters, and I've faced a personal health crisis that had me facing death at the age of 22. At this point in time, I've learned that fear can be used as a tool to gain the courage and the knowledge to persevere.....and that's all that any of us can do. We center ourselves, determine where we are going and what we need to get there.....and we continue on.

  This is NOT the start of Armageddon, any more than any of the other crises were the start of Armageddon. The only reason it may seem that way is because THIS one struck so close to home and so unexpectedly.

  The major thing is that we are not alone.
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  DannyBear

  Hello Brian,

  Welcome.

  Since everyone has pretty well covered my thoughts very well, I will only add this one point:

  If the WTBS can adjust, even abandon (1914) and myriad of other doctrine and teaching, who is to say that next month, year, or years from now, they completely adjust (new light) their stand on what Armageddon really means?

  They have done it over and over again throughout thier 120yr history, take heart in the fact that any truly loving god, should and would understand, why we are confused, it was not God that confused us...it was the men who identified THEMSELVES as god's spirit directed, faithful(?)and discreet(?)slave(for the org)class(?)....Brian you know in your heart, they are just blowing smoke and fire, fear is the greatest tool of control, known to man.

  Don't let them win control. Leave it in God's hands, not a puny little group of pious, self righteous soothsayers now residing in Brooklyn NY.

  Take heart and live with the strength of one who now is truly free. You are my friend more than you even realize..now free from their sweaty/clamy hands and grasp.

  DannyBear